AlmostPorn.net - When it ain't porn it's AlmostPorn

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Guy walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender. Reaching into his pants pocket, he pulls out a hundred dollar bill. "Set up everybody in the place!" he shouts. The bartender obliges.

Suddenly, a little man jumps out of the guy's pocket, runs down the bar, and kicks all of the drinks, smokes, change, etc on the floor. He runs back and jumps back into the guys pocket. Bartender asks what's going on. 

The guy just reaches back into his pants pocket, pulls out another hundred, and says "Just set everybody up again." Bartender obliges once more, suspiciously watching the guy. 

Once more the little man appears from the guys shirt pocket. Runs down the bar, breaks the glasses, pitches the napkins into the air, etc. Runs back and jumps into the shirt pocket again. This time the guy buttons the pocket. 

Bartender says "Explain yourself, or leave." 

Guy says "Well....I was walking down the beach one day, and ran across a bottle in the sand. Turns out there is a Genie in the bottle. Gave me 3 wishes! So first wish was to never run out of cash again. Now every time I reach into my pants pocket there is a hundred dollar bill! Second wish was to never be lonely again. Went back to my apartment and there waiting for me were 3 of the most beautiful super models you have ever seen, all willing to do whatever I desired!"

"Third wish...I wished for a 12 inch prick, and THIS IS THE LITTLE BASTARD I GOT!!!"

On the first night of Xmas
My true love gave to me:
A handjob in the back seat.

On the 2nd night of Xmas
My true love gave to me:
2 bouncy breasts
and a handjob in the back seat.

On the 3rd night of Xmas
My true love gave to me:
3 holes for filling
2 bouncy breasts
and a handjob in the back seat.

On the 4th night of Xmas
My true love gave to me:
4 leather cuffs
3 holes for filling
2 bouncy breasts
and a handjob in the back seat.

On the 5th night of Xmas
My true love gave to me:
5 anal plugs
4 leather cuffs
3 holes for filling
2 bouncy breasts
and a handjob in the back seat.

On the 6th night of Xmas
My true love gave to me:
6 couples playing
5 anal plugs
4 leather cuffs
3 holes for filling
2 bouncy breasts
and a handjob in the back seat.

On the 7th night of Xmas
My true love gave to me:
7 times of cuming
6 couples playing
5 anal plugs
4 leather cuffs
3 holes for filling
2 bouncy breasts
and a handjob in the back seat.

On the 8th night of Xmas
My true love gave to me:
8 maids for milking
7 times of cuming
6 couples playing
5 anal plugs
4 leather cuffs
3 holes for filling
2 bouncy breasts
and a handjob in the back seat.

On the 9th night of Xmas
My true love gave to me:
9 strippers dancing
8 maids for milking
7 times of cuming
6 couples playing
5 anal plugs
4 leather cuffs
3 holes for filling
2 bouncy breasts
and a handjob in the back seat.

On the 10th night of Xmas
My true love gave to me:
10 butts for whipping
9 strippers dancing
8 maids for milking
7 times of cuming
6 couples playing
5 anal plugs
4 leather cuffs
3 holes for filling
2 bouncy breasts
and a handjob in the back seat.

On the 11th night of Xmas
My true love gave to me:
11 subs I'm keeping
10 butts for whipping
9 strippers dancing
8 maids for milking
7 times of cuming
6 couples playing
5 anal plugs
4 leather cuffs
3 holes for filling
2 bouncy breasts
and a handjob in the back seat.

On the 12th night of Xmas
My true love gave to me:
12 hours sleeping
11 subs I'm keeping
10 butts for whipping
9 strippers dancing
8 maids for milking
7 times of cuming
6 couples playing
5 anal plugs
4 leather cuffs
3 holes for filling
2 bouncy breasts
and a handjob in the back seat.

Personally I think I made out like a bandit!

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An 8 year old telling the truth. I am not sure O'Reilly can handle that.
But then he lives in a different world then the rest of us.

Stolen from: [[dr_x_online|http://dr-x-online.livejournal.com/9378.html]] as it was just to good to pass up.
----
Now, I'm not claiming to be an expert, but a collaboration of people have come up with these mistakes that sometimes happen in bed...

!40 Mistakes Men Make While Having Sex With Women
(Some men really need to read this)

''1. Not kissing first.''
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.

''2. Blowing too hard in her ear.''
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

''3. Not shaving.''
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

''4. Squeezing her breast.''
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

''5. Biting her nipples.''
Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't.

''6. Twiddling her nipples.''
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

''7. Ignoring the other parts of her body.''
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

''8. Getting the hand trapped.''
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.

''9. Leaving her a little present.''
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

''10. Attacking the clitoris.''
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.

''11. Stopping for a break.''
Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

''12. Undressing her awkwardly.''
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.

''13. Giving her a wedgie during foreplay.''
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

''14. Being obsessed with the vagina.''
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

''15. Massaging too roughly.''
You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

''16. Undressing prematurely.''
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.

''17. Taking your pants off first.''
A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the socks first.

''18. Going too fast.''
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

''19. Going too hard.''
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

''20. Coming too soon.''
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

''21. Not coming soon enough.''
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.

''22. Asking if she has come.''
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.

''23. Performing oral sex too gently.''
Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.

''24. Nudging her head down.''
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

''25. Not warning her before you climax.''
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.

''26. Moving around during fellatio.''
Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don't grab her head.

''27. Taking etiquette advice from porn movies.''
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

''28. Making her ride on top for ages.''
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

''29. Attempting anal sex and pretending it was an accident.''
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.

''30. Taking pictures.''
When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words "to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.

''31. Not being imaginative enough.''
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

''32. Slapping your stomach against hers.''
There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.

''33. Arranging her in stupid poses.''
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.

''34. Looking for her prostate.''
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.

''35. Giving love bites.''
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

''36. Barking instructions.''
Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.

''37. Talking dirty.''
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know

''38. Not caring whether she comes.''
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

''39. Squashing her.''
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.

''40. Thanking her.''
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.

!40 mistakes women make while having sex with men:
(some women really need to read this)

''1. Failing to wave the red flag.''
Dude, seriously. If you're on your period we still love you. We will still cuddle you. But warn us before we start having sex with you. Don't make it a "Special Surprise."

''2. TEETH.''
This goes for the obvious parts: Please don't bite us THERE. You don't like it when we chew on your bits, do you? This also goes for several other places. Sometimes aggressive biting can be sexy. Nibbling can be sexy. Hard Biting sometimes causes yelling, and screaming... and running...

''3. Men Don't Wear Bras!''
Don't laugh at us if we don't understand the bizarre and inconsistent ways in which yours fastens. If you want to be undressed gracefully, throw us a freakin' bone there.

''4. Don't Forget the Fellas...''
We have balls. They live in a happy little sack, but frequently feel like they weren't invited to the party. Play with them. Touch them, for God's sake. And... oh... could you lick them from time to time? Would it KILL you?

''5. ...But Don't Hurt The Fellas''
Of course, we say "touch them" but notice we did NOT say, "Use them for a punching bag." It's a happy little sack. Be gentle with it.

''6. God Gave You Hands!''
It's wonderful that you have decided to use your mouth on Mr. Happy. However, you can shake his hand first, and even more importantly, keep a firm hand on him while your mouth does those wonderful things you know how to do. Deep throating is awesome, but you can accomplish more or less the same thing with a firm hand working in tandem with your hot mouth.

''7. Go Ahead And Be A Little Trashy.''
We'll still respect you later. Honest. But sometimes it can be somewhat trying to always have to draw out the shy violet. Take a chance and let that inner sex kitten loose one of these nights. Strut around naked. Tell us something you want us to do to you. Say something dirty.

''8. Take Control!''
Don't make us always have to be the seducer. Bring it up once in a while. Yeah, yeah. I know. "You always bring it up first." So you're not in the mood all the time. Here's a hint: Tell us, "Hey, I wanna have sex with you on Friday night. I'll wear my sexy nightie and I promise that I'll bring it up and seduce you." Give yourself time to work up to it.

''9. Blow me.''
Ok, Blow me but don't BLOW me. Hot breathing in the ear? Sexy. Blowing like you're trying to get out of that other kind of blow job by blowing my mind through my ear? NOT SEXY.

''10. And while we're at it... BLOW ME.''
Please. Don't make us ask. We're not at our best when we're trying to figure out how to ask, "can I put my peepee in your mouth?"

''11. We're Not Psychic Friends:''
Speak up. If we're doing something too hard, or too soft, or not enough, or too much... say so. Don't lay there while we're going to town making out your laundry list and waiting for us to be done... ESPECIALLY if we're trying to make you come. Don't be too shy to say, HARDER, or FASTER, or Oooh, take it slow, or MORE!

''12. My Manhood Is Not Threatened By Your Hand.''
If you want to help out? Do. Seriously, it's hot. It's like getting porn while you're fucking.

''13. Not sure? Ask for directions...''
Is your jaw getting tired? Are we not getting where we're going? ASK FOR DIRECTIONS. We'll probably tell you what we need to get there.

''14. I know it's CALLED a "Blow Job" but...''
Suction. That's the ticket. Ok, don't try to suck a bowling ball through a garden hose, but suck on it. Mmm. Yeah.

''15. You're Not Going To Break It.''
All those feathery light touches? Crank it up a notch.

''16. Fuck Me Back!''
Don't lay there and go "oh yea. oh yea." Reach up with your hips. Wrap your legs around me. Grind into me. Squeeze with those magic muscles. Make some noise. Suggest a position change. Participate, ok?

''17. It Is Not A Puppy!''
So please don't call it "cute", "Adorable", "Sweet", or god forbid "Little."

''18. Bathe With Water, Not Perfume...''
Here's a hint: We like how girls actually smell. You don't have to be doused in floral scent, you don't have to be one big "CucumberMelon", I shouldn't be able to smell your perfume on the sheets three days later.

''19.... But Please Bathe.''
Wash that thing out from time to time. We're not going to eat at the Y if it's a funk factory.

''20. Do. Not. Laugh. At. It.''
Or me. Even if I do something astronomically stupid. And I probably will.

''21. The Screaming Was Great But I'm Not A Roller Coaster.''
"Can we go again?" The answer is NOT RIGHT NOW. And don't try to prove that you're hot stuff by trying to make the next ride happen immediately.

''22. Love is war, but let's leave the chemical weapons out of it!''
If we're down there, please hold back on that fart. Or warn us. Or something.

''23. Offer A Rain Check.''
If we're feeling frisky but you're really not into it and aren't interested in getting in the mood... offer a rain check. Don't just beg off, reschedule!

''24. YYYESS! ~ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz ...''
Oh, GOD. OH YES. (sigh)
And yes, I will be having a nap now, thanks for askingZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz
(So don't try to talk my ear off about what your mom said or your day at work right at this moment.)

''25. Speaking of your mom...''
Talking about relatives is not sexy. Don't mention your relatives or mine immediately before or after sex.

''26. Coin Operated Boy!''
Look, you don't like it when we treat you like you're only good "for one thing." We don't like being treated that way, either.

''27. Don't Worry About Your Toybox.''
Don't be afraid to ask if you want us to use a toy on you as well. It will not offend us, and it lets us have a little more of that 'oboyfreeporn' feeling.

''28. ATTENTION KMART SHOPPERS''
When you come, let us know. Don't be subtle.

''29. This Isn't The Mall, and Sex Isn't Currency''
Don't hold our favorite positions as a bargaining chip. If we have to do your favorite positions for a week so we get 1position, 1 night of our fave, it's just going to piss us off.

''30. Boring Schedule vs Wacky Surprise''
Scheduled sex is sometimes sexy, because one has time to whet one's appetite. Spontaneous sex is sometimes sexy, for obvious reasons. Getting both, however, is the ultimate. The scheduled sessions gives us something to look forward to, and slipping a spontaneous session before the scheduled makes us think that you just couldn't wait..

''31. Sharing The Blooper Reel''
Everyone makes mistakes. If things don't really go according to plan...don't go broadcasting the story to all of your girlfriends. We REALLY hate that.

''32. Nine Inch Nails''
Scratching is nice, but don't gouge skin so we bleed. Nothing is more disconcerting than seeing your own blood dribble down your chest.

''33. What All Of Us Are Thinking''
HA. Thought we'd tell you, didn't you?

''34. Goal Oriented''
Contrary to popular belief, we like foreplay, too! Don't grab it, pull on it and expect to stick it in.

''35. Sex + Guilt = NO FUN FOR ANYONE''
If you like sex, don't feel guilty about it. By this same token, if you guilt someone into having sex, it will be lousy sex.

''36. We're Allowed A Veto''
If you want to be treated with respect when you say "Not Tonight" then give us that same respect when we're not in the mood ourselves. It does happen.

''37. No, the Game Is NOT More Important Than You.''
But it is important to us. No matter whether The Game is a sporting event, a computer game, or a Role Playing Game. We promise, when we're through we'll come pay attention to you. In the mean time, you're blocking the screen...

''38. De Plane! De Plane!''
If you have a fantasy you'd like us to live out, don't be surprised when we request the same thing of you. No, it does not mean that we want to have sex with the girl who cleans the next door neighbor's house. But we would like you to wear the french maid uniform...

''39. Siren Call!!!''
We like it when you make a lot of noise, but please refrain from screaming RIGHT in our ear?

''40. For The Last Time,''
No, you do NOT look fat.

Definately enlightened me to a couple things...
----
Can we make this manditory reading in Health Class?

Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy "Will you marry me?" 

The guy said, "No."

And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook and farted whenever she wanted.

The end

[img[images/silly/womans-ruler.jpg]]
Near as I can make you if you are 9.5cm or less she charges $50 more. If you are 19.5+cm long she charges $150 less. So now the only question is what is her base rate?

An idea for politics.

Make a new group that is a peer to the House & Senate, but rather then making it a state based group make it represent the nation. Give it 200 seats, and then make the voting for it be by party. Each party gets a number of seats based upon the percentage of votes they received. The party gets to decide who gets the seat. This way if Joe didn't get the Senate seat, they can tap him to be on the other group. Why waste the best talent the party has?

How to get your party on the ballot? Collect 75k signatures nation wide. Doesn't matter if they all come from one state or city, or if it is a little from every part of the country. Oh, and make each party do it each time. This way they show that the people still want to support them, as well as stopping folks from writing rules that favor the parties already in existence.

It is a way small parties can actually get a chance to play with the big boys. Not to mention a chance for folks to vote for a minor party and not think that their vote is wasted. I think it is a good way for us to get out of this 2 party photo finish election system.

[img[http://media1.break.com/dnet/media/2007/3/mar24nsfw08.jpg]]
!A wet, wet girl
I don't think it could get any wetter.
http://break.com

[img[images/Dad.jpg]]

If you dress like this women will start staring at you the second you walk in the room.
They will also be laughing, but it is better then when they ignored you, right?

I know I haven't known you very long and I shouldn't be asking you for this so soon, but I really need it badly.
 
I haven't had it for a while and I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and soft.
 
If you would do this for me no one would ever know.
 
I am sure you can satisfy my needs and I'd be very grateful if you would.
 
I am very desperate and I need your help.
 
You must think by now that I have a lot of nerve but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all the juices until it's very dry.
 
I am not going to beat around the bush any longer so..
 
Do you have a piece of gum?

I find that the kind of Christians that always try to convert people to attend THIER church seem to be more scared of the agnostic then they are of athiest, those of other religions or other Christians. This mostly seems to be due to agnostics actually listening to them and then poking holes in what they said. They can't dismiss it as "They are brain washed by belief in false gods" or whatever. Nope, it is mearly that agnostics are looking for proof, something more then "It says so in the Bible". Gee, which version? What, there is only one Bible? Then why are there Bible book stores that contain 100+ versions of the Bible? Oh, those are false works? Really? So when was your version of the Bible written? Oh, that was rather recent. Are you sure that you have a true interpretation? And on and on and on....

Most agnostics have studied religion, often several different flavors, and know that for every good thing someone can claim for thier religion there are 2 or more bad things that they all atttempt to gloss over or dismiss. Like [[slavery|http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus%2021:7;&version=51;]], or [[eating various animals|http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Lev%2011:7;%20Is%2065:4;&version=65;]]. And if that Christian can pick and choose which parts of the Bible to follow, why can't other people? And what if someone chooses to follow a path that is 95% the same as that Christian's, but it comes from some other religious text, why is that wrong?

I have a million questions in search of a single answer, but in reality I know that I will only find it within myself.

[img[images/sexy/alesha-almostporn3.jpg]] [img[images/sexy/alesha-almostporn9.jpg]] [img[images/sexy/alesha-almostporn1.jpg]] [img[images/sexy/alesha-almostporn2.jpg]] [img[images/sexy/alesha-almostporn5.jpg]] [img[images/sexy/alesha-almostporn6.jpg]] [img[images/sexy/alesha-almostporn4.jpg]] [img[images/sexy/alesha-almostporn7.jpg]]

|! | !Amount |
|Midori|1/2 oz|
|Pineapple juice|1/2 oz|
|Cream|1 tsp|

#Pour the Midori and pineapple juice into a shot glass. 
#Top off with the cream 
#Serve and enjoy.

About equal to wine in alcohol content.

At one time I was offered a role in an Adult movie. I was offered the role of ''Pizza Guy'', mostly due to my working as a pizza delivery guy at the time. Thing is that it was an all girl movie, so all I was going to get to do was show up at the door, deliver the pizza, get to watch the girls in the background going to town, and then spend the rest of the movie falling off stuff as I tried to peek in the windows to see some hot girl-on-girl action.

I turned the role (and $50) down.

Later I saw the finished product. I was glad I was not in it. It really was porn. No artistic quality to it at all. The story was worse then normal, and all the women they had in it looked like trailer park rejects who took thier pay in the drugs they took during the filming. Not one of them looked like they even liked the sex they were having. 

''Lesson to be learned here:'' If none of the people in a video look like they are enjoying the sex, odds are that no one else will either.

[img[http://www.omsex.com/peta/nakedpeta011.jpg][http://www.omsex.com/peta/]] [img[http://www.omsex.com/peta/nakedpeta010.jpg][http://www.omsex.com/peta/]] [img[http://www.omsex.com/peta/nakedpeta008.jpg][http://www.omsex.com/peta/]] [img[http://www.omsex.com/peta/nakedpeta007.jpg][http://www.omsex.com/peta/]] [img[http://www.omsex.com/peta/nakedpeta009.jpg][http://www.omsex.com/peta/]] [img[http://www.omsex.com/peta/nakedpeta012.jpg][http://www.omsex.com/peta/]] 
!Almost makes me understand Furries
These ladies are protesting that people eat animals, when they should be eating people instead (Just not in quite the same way).
And while I believe in 3 simple rules (No animals, no children, no dead things), I always have to ask myself 'Is it OK that I get turned on by some sexy girl dressed up as an animal?'.

I just walked into the living room and saw what it is I've been wanting for a long time: A naked woman down on her hands and knees, cleaning the floor. OK she was cleaning up the coffee she split...but I knew I wanted it.
The bad part is she is going home on Sunday.

''How did it all start? ''
One night I was sitting at an outside table at a local [[coffee house|http://www.cwecartel.com/]].

A car with 2 girls in it parked across the street in the 45 degree parking. I saw a long bare leg come out of the passenger side. She barely had room to get her door open, so I saw that she was going to have to face me to get out. Doing some quick mental math I realized  there was no way she could avoid flashing me if she had on a short skirt. I thought to myself "this is one of those moments you need a camera". 

Just as she got out a truck drove between us. When it got out of the way I saw she was wearing a short skirt. I thought to myself "That was almost porn".

The next day I started coming up with ideas that fit into the AlmostPorn concept.

"Honey, would you like a dinner roll?"
"No, thanks."
"How about an After Dinner Roll?"
"I thought you'd never ask!"

In the long tradition of things reserved for after dinner; drinks, cigars, and mints; AlmostPorn is proud to bring you ''After Dinner Rolls''. Something to share with the ones you love, or even the  hottie you brought home from work.

Non-fattening, stress relieving, and good for your heart. They are so good you should limit them to adults only, but don't be surprised if you catch the kids sneaking one behind your back every now and then. 

Yes indeed, nothing is quite as good as an after dinner roll.

In an effort to be a more interactive site we have installed a blog at <html><a href="http://www.almostporn.net/blog/wordpress/">almostporn.net/blog/wordpress/</a></html>. 
Come over and say hello, tell us what you like/dislike about the site, or even just bitch about life.

Ladies are you tired of your man going out with the boys and then coming home too tired and hungry to do anything with you? Is he not given you the oral satisfaction that he did back when you first started dating? Then what you need is ''~AlmostPorn Panty Spray''.

''~AlmostPorn Panty Sprays'' come in many unique flavors. Our newest flavor is Beer & BBQ. That's right, we have combined 3 of every real man's favorite flavors into one great product for you to guild your lilly with.

Other avalible flavors:
* Brie and Chardonnay: For those with a more dignified pallet and enough manners to remove the panties before dining.
* Coffee: This will get your man up in the morning like nothing else will. Also perks them up when they claim to be too tired.
* Hot Apple Pie: Your mom never served her pie like this, but the MILF next door sure did! Add some ice cream with it for an added bounus.
* Cherry Pie: Need we say more?
* White Castle Hamburgers: When you are in the mood for a quicky after a late night at the bar. It will have you screaming "It's what you crave!".
* Sweet & Sour Pork: Maybe not the best flavor but they will be hungry for more in an hour.
* Mayo with a hint of pickle: For those days you just don't feel that fresh.
* Chocolate: Smells so good you will want to eat it yourself.
* Fresh Baked Bread: Have you ever heard of anyone turning down fresh baked bread?
* Hawian Pizza: Offer them a piece, then watch as they eat the whole thing.

Is there any special flavor you would like to see us produce? Please contact us and let us know.

That is where you are.
No really, it is.
http://almostporn.net/

!Just in time for Xmas!
This space saving chair is sure to be a hit with women with crowded kitchens.
Imagine being able to make a fresh glass of juice at anytime for those you love.
[img[images/juice2.jpg]]

/***
|''Name:''|AlternateBackupPlugin|
|''Version:''|1.0.2 (6-Mar-2006)|
|''Source:''||
|''Author:''|KyleHale|
|''Type:''|Plugin|
!Description
Hijacks core backupPath function, replacing the datetime naming system with a rotating set of backups (1 through 10 and then back to 1), whose number is limited by the user. Default number of backups is 10, but can be change by modifying the line ''backupFolder = "10"'' to what ever number you want.

!Issues/Todos
* Possible to insert an option into the AdvancedOptions Tiddler? That'd make editing the number of backups that much easier.
!Revision History
* 1.0.2 (6-Mar-2006)
** Wrote code, totally stole SimonBaird's documentation system
* 1.0.1 (3-Mar-2006)
** Wrote code

!Code
***/
{{{
        var MaxBackups = config.options.txtMaxBackups;
        if(!MaxBackups || MaxBackups == "")
                backupFolder = "10";
if (!config.options.txtCurrentBackup)
config.options.txtCurrentBackup="1"; 

getBackupPath = function(localPath)
{
        var backSlash = true;
        var dirPathPos = localPath.lastIndexOf("\\");
        if(dirPathPos == -1)
                {
                dirPathPos = localPath.lastIndexOf("/");
                backSlash = false;
                }
        var backupFolder = config.options.txtBackupFolder;
        if(!backupFolder || backupFolder == "")
                backupFolder = ".";
        var backupPath = localPath.substr(0,dirPathPos) + (backSlash ? "\\" :
"/") + backupFolder + localPath.substr(dirPathPos);
        backupNum = config.options["txtCurrentBackup"];
        backupNum++;
        if (backupNum>config.options["txtMaxBackups"]) {
                backupNum=1;
        }
        backupPath = backupPath.substr(0,backupPath.lastIndexOf(".")) + "." +
backupNum + ".html";
        config.options["txtCurrentBackup"]=backupNum;
        saveOptionCookie("txtCurrentBackup");
        return backupPath;

}
}}}

[img[images/sexy/AlysonHannigan-fake.jpg]]
!Alyson Hannigan - Why you can't always believe pictures
Someone made her just a little more chesty.
And in case you don't remember what she really looks like:
[img[http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j2/NHL2005/alyson_hannigan_dec22_2.jpg]]

<html><object classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" width="400" height="335"><param name="movie" value="http://pics.loadup.ru/scrubber.swf?file=v207m7r70wEeu7p7Y7E7n74wnwvwzwEwtwrw42a7v2n2twv7zwz2YeEez7a7Cw47E7p717v7ux&bufferTime=3&autoStart=false" /><embed src="http://pics.loadup.ru/scrubber.swf?file=v207m7r70wEeu7p7Y7E7n74wnwvwzwEwtwrw42a7v2n2twv7zwz2YeEez7a7Cw47E7p717v7ux&bufferTime=3&autoStart=false" quality="high" width="400" height="335" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object></html>
!Amazing Ass 2
Do I really need to say more?

<html><object width="470" height="390"><param name="movie" value="http://www.str8up.com/js/player.swf?t=253.619&f=sexy_girl_anabelle.flv&u=7737&a=false&i=4089"></param><embed src="http://www.str8up.com/js/player.swf?t=253.619&f=sexy_girl_anabelle.flv&u=7737&a=false&i=4089" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="470" height="390"></embed></object><br></html>
!Anabelle does a sexy Strip Tease
Watch as Annabelle slowly takes off each piece of clothing and eats grapes in a very sexy manner.

You have to picture the following being sung in a kind of suburban/Disney approved rap style.
----
Hello my name is Andi
I look as sweet as candy
But I don't play with little boys
Just sexy chicks with lots of toys

<html><img src="images/Andi.jpg" width="300" height="330" alt="Andi" align="right"></html>Ya wanna make me moan and scream
cause I’m your wet saphoric dream
a true... cunt munchin' slut
who likes to get freaky with a dildo up my butt

I want to spend the night with you
But you have ta tell me what to do
Make me... crawl across the floor
and tell you... I’m your dirty whore.
Tie me... face down to the bed
so you can relax as I give you head.

I make your juices drip and drop
with my tongue... goin' non-stop.
Your fingers tuggin’ on my hair
as ya make me lick you everywhere
Ya know I love your musky taste
as you grind yourself ‘cross my face

Then out comes your strap-on toy
thicker 'n' longer.. then any boy
First you make me lick it
before ya start ta stick it
in every... hole I got
n’ make me... cum quite a lot

And when I’m all-weak in the knees
You tell me it’s just the start for me
Tie me... spread eagle to the door
So you can fuck me a little more

Feel you lubin’ up my ass
So you can fuck it hard and fast
As I feel you spread my cheeks
I know I will feel this for a week
Shovin’... four fingers in
Cause that’s how you wanna begin

Later as I’m lying on the floor
My ass to tired to do any more
You say “Later if your lucky
I just might... let you fuck me”
Then you walk right out the door
Abandoning this sluttish whore

Bitch!...I think I love you

[img[images/sexy/anekee5.jpg]] [img[images/sexy/anekee7.jpg]] [img[images/sexy/anekee6.jpg]] [img[images/sexy/anekee9.jpg]] [img[images/sexy/anekee8.jpg]] [img[images/sexy/anekee3.jpg]] [img[images/sexy/anekee4.jpg]] [img[images/sexy/anekee1.jpg]] 
!Anekee Van Der Velden
Nice to look at and she is not store bought.

After many years of careful questioning, consideration and observation I have at last come to understand why the typical male fantasy is a sexual encounter with 2 bisexual females.

He is hoping to pick up some pointers, and maybe even learn what women really want in bed. I know that every time I get to watch 2 women paying attention to each other I learn a lot. And like most men I know that trying to learn what women want from watching porn is about the same as trying to learn how to fight by watching professional wrestling.

At this point I am still just a student, eager to learn from any women out there willing to teach me.

Also see [[Hot Bi-Babes & the Man]]

<html><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/TqbRVVazTSs&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/TqbRVVazTSs&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object></html>
!Anti-Kamasutra
At last someone has documented the many many ways that one can not make love.

http://apocalypticbob.livejournal.com/   [img[http://www.livejournal.com/userpic/56470903/5644318]]
And her friends:   [[Bob's Boobs|http://bobs-boobs.livejournal.com]] [img[http://www.livejournal.com/userpic/38034424/8919068]]

She's a great lady, who is just the right amount of naughty. She is even a very proud MILF.

I took quite a few pictures at Archon 2006.
All of the ones you might not want to catch your 10 year old child staring at, but are damn sure you want to see, are behind these pictures.
[img[Girl with Wings|images/Archon06/thumbnails/DSCN3130.jpg][http://almostporn.net/images/Archon06/]] [img[Jamie's lovely tape|images/Archon06/thumbnails/DSCN3036.jpg][http://almostporn.net/images/Archon06/]] [img[Shannon Keith|images/Archon06/thumbnails/DSCN2986.jpg][http://almostporn.net/images/Archon06/]]
http://almostporn.net/images/Archon06/

68.3% of the US population fits in the range of these measurements

|!Average Male|>|>|
|Height|65.86 - 71.34 inches|68.60 avg|
|Chest|34.71 - 39.99 inches|37.35 avg|
|Waist|29.04 - 35.66 inches|32.35 avg|
|Hip|35.19 - 40.41 inches|37.80 avg|

|!Average Female|>|>|
|Height|61.67 - 66.83 inches|64.25 avg|
|Bust|32.51 - 37.79 inches|35.15 avg|
|Waist|25.26 - 31.04 inches|28.15 avg|
|Hip|35.29 - 40.21 inches|37.75 avg|

So, are you average?
Also see [[Females Compared]]

Take a look at the picture. What do you see?
[img[images/corrupted-a.jpg]]

Do you see dolphins? You don't? Look again.
OK, so now you see them.
Research has show that young children can not see the couple because they do not have prior memories  associated with such a scenario. All they can see is 9 dolphins.

''WARNING'': If it takes you more then 3 seconds to find the dolphins your mind is very corrupt.

<html><object width="498" height="420"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/axoPaS3ewEI"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/axoPaS3ewEI" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="498" height="420"></embed></object></html>
!Azis - Samo za Teb
Azis is a Bulgarian Romani chalga (pop-folk) singer. Rumor has it that he is bisexual, but currently has a husband.
If you liked it also see [[Azis i Desislava - Kazvash che me obichash]] which is so over the top... Wow! Madonna needs to take notes.

<html><object width="640" height="505"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ZIRIv6Ef70A"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ZIRIv6Ef70A" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="640" height="505"></embed></object></html>
!Azis i Desislava - Kazvash che me obichash (You Say You Love Me)
Azis is a is a Bulgarian Romani chalga (pop-folk) singer. This man knows how to make a video. He is currently married to his husband, Niki Kitaeca. Their marriage is not legally recognized by the laws of Bulgaria. In 2006 he was voted the 2nd most popular living person in Bulgaria. 
If you liked it also see [[Azis - Samo za Teb]], which is a lot less... dramatic.

<html><embed width="448" height="365" src="http://www.ifilm.com/efp" quality="high" bgcolor="000000" name="efp" align="middle" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" flashvars="flvbaseclip=2664235&"> </embed></html>
!Baby Got Book
Dan "Southpaw" Smith kicks it Christ-style. 
Why does this just scare me? I mean is this what Christian Rap is coming to?

Backdoor Betty had a face like a Yeti
but her body made ya just not care
when she's on her knees 
you is beggin' please
as she answerin' your prayers 
and all you'd see is her hair

<html><embed src="http://www.collegehumor.com/moogaloop/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=1739496" quality="best" width="400" height="300" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></html>
!Balls Out Jeans
Click to play.

[>img[http://www.bambi4u.com/Sample%20Gallery/images/Bambi4U-A-10.jpg][http://www.bambi4u.com/]]
<html><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/EioFsJ9a7GU"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/EioFsJ9a7GU" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>
<br />
<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/U7qmR2yh-Wc"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/U7qmR2yh-Wc" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></html>
!Sexy thick girl dancing
''Eyes:'' Hazel
''Hair:'' Red dark or light
''Height:'' 5-4 (so what! )
''Weight:'' 130 (muscle weighs more than fat!)
''Shoe Size:'' 7 1/2
''Status:'' Single
''Measurements:'' 36-26-38
''Sign:'' Gemini - Gemini’s are adaptable, versatile and spontaneous. Never a dull moment.
''Ethnicity:'' Armenian/Polish
''Favorite Movie:'' Pulp Fiction
''Favorite position:'' Doggie
''Favorite place to be touched:'' Neck and back
''Best Feature:'' The dimples in my smile. And, my ass seems to be quite popular as well.
''Advice to people:'' Patience - Many people give up their goals before they see results. As with anything in life, results take time.
''Occupation:'' Student and adviser
''Do I have any fetishes:'' Oil and heat. A warm room with oiled down bodies. Touching can be fun and slippery.
''Worst pick up line:'' Is your name Amanda? A Man Da hug and kiss.
''Why do they call me Bambi:'' Short for bambini,which means baby or child. Many of my family friends are Italian. They say that I have a youthful spirit so they have called me that ever since I could remember.
''What traits do you like in a man:'' Goal oriented, execution/action, drive, determination, fit physically and sexually, nice teeth and stability in decision making
''What do you dislike in a man:'' Playerism and games. Life is too short for drama.
''Website:'' http://www.bambi4u.com/

<html><div><embed src="http://www.livevideo.com/flvplayer/embed/5450090799AE468BBD1A0886B1E14562&thumb=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" quality="high" WIDTH="445" HEIGHT="369" wmode="transparent"></embed></div></html>
!Banana Licker
Cloe Love shows how she likes to suck on a banana. She didn't do a lot of licking.
By the way, part 1 wasn't worth posting.

<html><div><object width="425" height="335"><param name="movie" value="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/7FMy74zM4N4z05To3"></param><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/7FMy74zM4N4z05To3" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="334" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object><br /><b><a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xu3rb_dodge-banned-commercial">DODGE Banned Commercial</a></b><br /><i>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/DrEuthanasia">DrEuthanasia</a></i></div></html>

Why the hell is this banned? At least show it on late night TV.

Try to stay in the middle of the air. 
Do not go near the edges of it. 
The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. 
It is much more difficult to fly there.
When flying in trees wear jeans.

<html>
<object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" data="http://feat.putfile.com/flow/putfile.swf?videoFile=Bathing-Beauties---Surprise" height="349" width="420" align="middle">
  <param name="movie" value="http://feat.putfile.com/flow/putfile.swf?videoFile=Bathing-Beauties---Surprise" />
  <param name="quality" value="high" />
</object><br><a href="http://www.putfile.com">Upload Video</a> - <a href="http://www.putfile.com/weekvideos">Top 50</a> - <a href="http://media.putfile.com/code.php?n=Bathing-Beauties---Surprise">Get Video Code</a></html>
!Bathing Beauties Surprise
I am sure they will really enjoy looking through the photos of this vacation. So many fond memories of that "Where's the beef?" commercial.

<html><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/sqZNog4h7j8"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/sqZNog4h7j8" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></html>
!Who will win?
Animated album covers fight to the death.

Created by [[Ugly Pictures|http://www.uglypictures.us]]

<html><object width="498" height="420"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/QJm1eVCiv50"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/QJm1eVCiv50" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="498" height="420"></embed></object></html>
!Beaver Cam 
What if Mr. Beaver from Narnia had a kids' show that went horribly wrong? This is a parody for Epic Movie. Mr. Beaver walks around Hollywood and sees not so kid-friendly stuff. Something tells me this incident  might have lost Mr. Beaver his chance of getting a show... unless he goes to cable. 
Tune in next week when we show you a hot, wet beaver when Mr. Beaver goes to the nude beach.

! Becca's Bitchin' Box [>img[http://farm1.static.flickr.com/166/351311624_9589415583_m.jpg][http://beccaberry.blogspot.com/]]
The line that sold me on this site:
>I've always relished giving head.
>Always.
>To distraction.
>I can think of very few things that turn me on faster than licking and sucking my way to the height of excitement.
>It's an art.
>To put it more poetically...
>The cock is my canvas, and I fancy myself Picasso.
All I ask is ''Can I be painted?''

http://beccaberry.blogspot.com/

3) Minutes after you are seated a pretty thing walks up to you and ask to serve you.
2) When you tell her to get you a beer she smiles and rushes off to get it for you.
1) The women love it so much.

http://www.shivelybaptist.com/ 
Says the Bible is the best selling book for last 3 years, then says that we are living in a world that doesn't read the bible. 
All this while putting down the De Vinci Code. 
(http://online-sermons.com/m3u/042306_am.m3u)

A little old lady went into the Bank of Alabama one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the President's office (the customer is always right!).

The bank President then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!", and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The President was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"

The old lady replied, "I make bets."

The President then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"

The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

"Ha!" laughed the President, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"

The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the President, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square."

The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00am as a witness?"

"Sure!" replied the confident President.

That night the President got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning them from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet

The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the President's office. She introduced the lawyer to the President and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says The President's balls are square!" The President agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see.

The President complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the President, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall.

The President asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"

She replied, "Nothing. Except that I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 a.m. today, I'd have The Bank of Alabama's President's balls in my hand."

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.

So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up. In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

So, he goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.

Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look or him.

He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing, "We missed the R, we missed the R".

His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.

The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"

With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, "After all these years..... the word was Celebrate ............"

She said... she wants ta sleep with girls
I thought... that would brighten my world
But what’s... a man ta do
When his girl... wants ta screw
His sister?

Lately... when she wants ta fuck 
I'm the one... out of luck
Given... my hand a soakin'
It's blistered.. from chicken chokin'.

----
I keep hearing Vanilla Ice doing this in that 'Vanilla Ice' style.

Bisexuality is the sexual orientation which refers to the aesthetic, romantic, or sexual desire for individuals of either gender or of either sex.
!Some Famous ~Bi-Sexuals
Josephine Baker, k.d. lang, Janis Joplin, David Bowie, Claudia Christian, Lou Reed, Ani ~DiFranco, Brett Anderson, Dave Navarro, Marlene Dietrich, Greta Garbo, James Dean, Eleanor Roosevelt, Lawrence Olivier, Errol Flynn, Cary Grant, Mick Jagger, Madonna, Michael Stipe, Kurt Cobain, Anne Heche, Saint Augustine, Joan Baez, Tallulah Bankhead, Leonard Berstein, Margaret Mead, James I, Shakespeare, Marie Antoinette, Sandra Bernhard, Oscar Wilde, Marlon Brando, Laurence Olivier, Kate Millett, Francis Bacon, Edward II, Henry III, Dorothy Thompson, Janis Ian, Gore Vidal, Elton John, Virginia Woolf, Drew Barrymore, Angelina Jolie, Bif Naked, Christinia Agularia, Joan Jett.

For a much langer list go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_bisexual_people
----
Some of you are going to say that some of these folks are homosexuals not bisexuals. A typical one would be Elton John. He has been married to a woman, multiple women happily report that he has had sex with them, some of them telling that he spent time with two or of them at the same time. I think that kind of shows he is into women as well as men.

[img[images/bigAllRound.jpg]]
!Big All Around
OK guys, I need some help here. We've chatted online. She sent me the pic and said she'd like to meet for dinner...and I might be desert.
She admited she'd touched up the picture. My question is how much is touched up? WHat is real, what is fake?

<html><embed src="http://www.livevideo.com/flvplayer/flvplayer.swf?autoStart=0&popup=1&scale_it=1&video=http%3a%2f%2fwww.livevideo.com%2fmedia%2fgetflashvideo.ashx%3fcid%3d10924DB1EB874755B985398ED61FCA95%26rby%3d7953-0%26popup%3d1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" quality="high" WIDTH="445" HEIGHT="405" wmode="transparent"></embed><br/><a target="_new" href="http://www.livevideo.com/video/10924DB1EB874755B985398ED61FCA95/big+nipples.aspx">Big nipples</a></html>
Another [[turn about is fair play|Turn about is fair play]] idea.

Play black jack and then pay to see the girl take off clothes. Kind of like being at a strip joint, but with cards and pictures. Worth every penny you paid for it.

[[Click here to launch BlackJack-Off|games/blackjack.swf]]

Sites we like to read or podcast we listen to.

Setup your blog!
| URL: | http:// <<option txtBlogID>>/blog/wordpress/|
| Username: | <<option txtBlogUserName>> |

| Password: | <<option pasBlogPassWord>> |

/***
|Name|BlogUserPlugin |
|Created by|Simon Baird |
|Location|http://groups.google.com/group/TiddlyWiki/browse_thread/thread/c61b9b0e2f639684/655c866fbd66f511?lnk=gst&q=tsuser&rnum=1#655c866fbd66f511 |
|Version|1.0.1 |
|Requires|~TW1.8 |

!Description:
Provides a quick way to create a pretty link to a ~TiddlySpot, ~LiveJournal, Xanga or ~MySpace site.
Samples below should enable anyone to add new blog portals as they need them.

!Demo:
|''~TiddlySpot:'' |  {{{<<tsUser monkeygtd>>}}} | <<tsUser monkeygtd>> |
|Extended use: |{{{<<tsUser monkeygtd [[Sell My Bagpipes]]>>}}} | <<tsUser monkeygtd [[Sell My Bagpipes]]>> |
|''~LiveJournal:'' | {{{<<ljUser bradhicks>>}}} | <<ljUser bradhicks>> |
|''~MySpace:'' | {{{<<msUser humiliation_network>>}}} | <<msUser humiliation_network>> |
|''Xanga:'' | {{{<<xaUser kelagon>>}}} | <<xaUser kelagon>> |

!Installation:
Copy the contents of this tiddler to a new tiddler in your TW, tag it with systemConfig, save and reload your TW.

!History
Version 0.5 - June 26, 2006 - Original Tiddlyspot macro create by Simon Baird 
Version 0.8 - July 10, 2006 - enhanced to include multiple portals by Ken Girard
Version 1.0 - August 6, 2006 - Turned into a plugin with history and examples by Ken Girard 
Version 1.0.1 - September 30, 2006 - KenGirard fixed ~MySpace macro 
!Code

!!!!~TiddlySpot
***/
//{{{
config.macros.tsUser = { handler: function(place,name,params) {
  wikify('[[' + params[0] + '|http://' + params[0] +'.tiddlyspot.com/' +
    (params[1] ? '#'+params[1] : "") + ']]',
      place);
}}; 
//}}}

/***
!!!!~LJUser
***/
//{{{
config.macros.ljUser = { handler: function(place,name,params) {
  wikify('[[' + params[0] + '|http://' + params[0] +'.livejournal.com' +
    (params[1] ? '#'+params[1] : "") + ']]',
      place);
}}; 
//}}}

/***
!!!!~MySpace
***/
//{{{
config.macros.msUser = { handler: function(place,name,params) {
  wikify('[[' + params[0] + '|http://www.myspace.com/' + params[0] + ']]',
      place);
}}; 
//}}}

/***
!!!!Xanga
***/
//{{{
config.macros.xaUser = { handler: function(place,name,params) {
  wikify('[[' + params[0] + '|http://www.xanga.com/' + params[0] + 
    (params[1] ? '#'+params[1] : "") + ']]',
      place);
}}; 
//}}}

<html><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/3xElIik0Ys0"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/3xElIik0Ys0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></html>
This is the answer to [[Dick in a Box]]

[>img[http://www.livejournal.com/userpic/1181189/479214][
http://bradhicks.livejournal.com/]]
Mid-40ish St. Louis born-and-bred working class intellectual, currently retired. Hellenic Reconstructionist Pagan, follower of Dionysus. 6'0" 290 pounds, bald with a graying red goatee; the horns only show occasionally. Polyamorous, leather-friendly, currently single. Long-time science fiction fan (and faan) and Pagan activist. On and off again local Democratic Party volunteer. Class of 1978, Faith Christian Academy. BA in Math/CS, Taylor University, 1982. Former electrician, former PICK minicomputer programmer, former PC specialist, former Macintosh specialist, former LAN/WAN engineer, former computer instructor, former editor of the Low BS Guide to St. Louis, former traveling retail business owner, former strip club doorman, former Pinkerton, former telecom fraud analyst. Diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, severe recurring depression, and an anxiety disorder. Infernal-American and proud of it. 

I can also say that he throws some great parties.

http://bradhicks.livejournal.com/

Many of us, I am sure, have heard about Brazilian wax and have a vague idea of what it is. Some may have even tried it, while some are just thinking about it but are just feeling a little icky about it. Well, whatever you think or feel about Brazilian wax, here is the lowdown about it.

The Brazilian bikini wax has been a raging fad since the 1990s. It allows women to wear those skimpy bikinis that are barely there without fear of having a strand of those curls down there showing.
Why is this so? The Brazilian wax, unlike your regular bikini wax, leaves almost nothing behind. The hair in the pubic area is completely stripped off, except for what is known as a landing strip or a broader vertical strip.

The idea of having a Brazilian wax may titillate some, but for others, it is quite practical. After all, we do get rid of the hair down there once in a while, so we might as well get rid of it completely.
[<img[images/sexy/brazilian-wax.jpg]]
Brazilian waxings are done in a beauty salon or a spa. Of course, to have it done, one must remove the lower garments and lie on a table. There is nothing to worry about, though. Complete privacy is almost always guaranteed – there will be only you and your waxer in the room.

The first thing that your waxer will do is spread baby powder, talcum powder, or oil over the area to be waxed. This prevents the hot wax from sticking to the skin.
Then they will trim your hair down. The hair should be around a quarter of an inch in length for the wax to get a hold on. Afterwards, the waxer will spread the hot wax on the area to be treated with the use of a waxing stick. She will then put a strip of cloth over the wax so the wax will totally stick to the hair.

Once the wax is cool, the waxer will then pull the cloth strips off you in the direction opposite the way your hair grows. Getting it all pulled off can cause great discomfort, even pain, but if your waxer is good, her hands will move quickly so as to minimize the pain of the procedure for you. The procedure usually takes only thirty minutes.

To get the job completely done, the waxer may pull out the remaining hair with a pair of tweezers. Afterwards, she will apply a lotion to soothe the treated area and prevent any swelling from happening.

Speaking of swelling, if ever you go for a Brazilian wax, do not be afraid to ask your waxer what to do if you experience swelling or red bumps, or maybe even in-grown hair. These are the possible side effects of getting a Brazilian wax, and you ought to know what to do if you get them so as to avoid your skin from getting irritated or infected.

Getting a Brazilian wax can get pretty painful, not to mention embarrassing, since you have to strip in front of a complete stranger, but getting it frequently done eventually numbs you to the pain and discomfort. Think of it as just visiting your gynecologist for your regular checkup.

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. 

The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

"Breast-fed" she replied. 

"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both
breasts for a while in a detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, he said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk." 

"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."

[img[images/BritneyAndChristinaNude1.jpg]]
!Britney & Christina Nude
Yes, it is fake. But you know you wish it wasn't.

These three guys are in a bar, having a few beers, and checking out the babes as they enter the establishment. One walks in and they "discuss" her "rating".

Joe says, "I'd give her a 7. She's really quite pretty." Bob agrees, and so does Wayne. The bartender, while bringing a new round of drinks to their table, overhears their rating of the young lady. He checks her out himself and says, "Nah, I'd only give her a 3."

"A 3? How can you give her a 3?" says Wayne. "She's a real pretty girl." The bartender, walking away, says, "Well, I use the Budweiser method for rating women."

The guys look at each other, figure the bartender has lousy taste in women, and go back to their ratings. Moments later, another young lady, prettier than the last, walks into the bar, and they confer between themselves and decide she deserves a 9.

However, the bartender, wiping off the table nearest to theirs, again overhears their rating of the gal. He checks her out himself and tells the fellows that he'd only give her a 5. "A 5? How can you give her just a 5? She's absolutely gorgeous!"

The bartender casually replies that he uses the Budweiser method for rating women. "The Budweiser method?" they puzzle, as the bartender returns to his post behind the bar. They are quite confused.

Three, maybe four minutes pass by, and then a stunning blond, 5'11" goddess walks into the bar. Long luscious legs, sexy shape. Truly a work of flawless perfection. Without hesitation, the three "judges" at the table determine that this young vixen is, without any doubt, a 10.

However, carrying a case of beer pass them to restock the supply behind the bar, the bartender once more overhears their rating of the girl. He glances studiously at her, and says that the best, the very best that he could give her, would be a 7.

"A 7? How in the world could you give her just a mere 7? She's gorgeous!" "Well," says the bartender again, "I use the Budweiser method for rating women."

"Budweiser!" says one of the guys, exasperated. "What is this 'Budweiser method' for rating women?"

"Well," says the bartender, "the Budweiser method for rating women is the number of Clydesdales it would take to pull me off her."

!Bukkake Sake 
*1 part sake(rice wine) 
*1 part whipped
Now mix and enjoy!

OK, maybe enjoy is the wrong term.

George W. Bush was being briefed on current events while eating breakfast. All was going OK until they got to the update on Iraq.

The man reading the report said, "Sir, last night there was a large terrorist bombing in the green zone. 287 Iraqi civilians are wounded, and 31 confirmed dead."

Bush calmly replied, "They died as heroes for their country."

The man said, "18 US soldiers were wounded, and 3 others killed."

Bush replied, "They knew it was a dangerous job when they signed up. And I am sure that God is honoring them right now."

The man flipped over the page, "We also lost three Brazilians." 

Bush was suddenly overcome with emotion, tears streaming down his face, burying his face in his hands. Everyone sat there, quietly shocked at this outpourring of grief.

After several minute Bush seemed to pull himself together. Looking up from his hands he quietly asked "Just how much is a Brazilian?"

<html><table border='0' bgcolor='ffffff' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0'><tr><td><embed id='dumpalink_media' name='dumpalink_media' width='519' height='438' src='http://www.dumpalink.com/movieplayer.swf?video=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dumpalink.com%2Fplayvideo.php%3Fcid%3D1171886957' quality='high' bgcolor='white' play='true' loop='false' allowScriptAccess='sameDomain' type='application/x-shockwave-flash' pluginspage='http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer'><param name='menu' value='false' /></embed></td></tr><tr><td align='center'><strong><a href='http://www.dumpalink.com/'>Watch More Videos</a> </strong></td></tr></table></html>
!Bush screws the country
Sexy Roleplay was never meant to be like this.

!Nice Necklace on Cleavage
[img[http://farm1.static.flickr.com/201/508695241_698a1bfe37.jpg]]
!Soft light
[img[http://farm1.static.flickr.com/202/524813671_37c467f8c1.jpg]]
!Light top
[img[http://farm1.static.flickr.com/201/519682814_e0c0759e44.jpg]]
!Just one more button please
[img[http://farm1.static.flickr.com/192/509268360_a27a759078.jpg]]
!Closer
[img[http://farm1.static.flickr.com/230/508876186_905aead2a1.jpg]]
!Feline
[img[http://farm1.static.flickr.com/206/505756274_15b4019901.jpg]]
!My tattoo
[img[http://farm1.static.flickr.com/198/504426233_d74720ae76.jpg]]
!In the pink
[img[http://farm1.static.flickr.com/59/213138036_1b85f9aa1e.jpg]]

A lot more at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/58703378@N00/

[img[http://www.boobieblog.com/img/BustyClown.jpg]]
!Busty Clown
I am not sure that she is a clown, but she is busty and that is what they called the picture. If you have any complaints about the name please take them to: http://boobieblog.com
And I have to admit that it is a great body paint job. I wonder if a woman could make a living off doing something like that? Painting clothes on people I mean. I know you can make money for wearing clothes like this. And it would sure save on buying new clothes, as you could always be in the latest style and colors, not to mention they would always fit.

<html><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/82DjpPX60xU&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6&border=0"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/82DjpPX60xU&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6&border=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object></html>
!C.I.L.F. (Cartoons I'd Like to Fuck)
Admit it, you have thought about banging some sweet little pixilated putang at some time or another. Don't be ashamed, we all have. It comes in from being babysat by the TV. The only time you should feel ashamed about it is if you bought your cartoon honey a present, or even tried to engage in sex with her.

<html><object width="498" height="420"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/6BZzPmyP1i8"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/6BZzPmyP1i8" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="498" height="420"></embed></object></html>
!Cameron Diaz And Christina Applegate - Lesbian scene
To ease their roommate (Selma Blair) through a relationship-induced depression, Cameron Diaz and Christina
Applegate take her out on the town. During their attempts to find her "Mr. Right Now", Diaz meets Peter Donahue, played aptly by Thomas Jane. Missing her opportunity with him that night, Cameron Diaz is talked into pursuing him to his brother's wedding. The ensuing road trip packs even more slapstick and locker room humor into an "already-bursting" movie.

<html>
   <embed flashVars="playerVars=AlmostPorn=|blogURL=http%3A%2F%2Falmostporn.net"  src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/440327/cameron_dancing.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"> 
   </embed>
  <br />
  <font><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/440327/cameron_dancing/">Cameron Dancing</a></font>
</html>
!Cameron dancing her ass off
Sexy little video of Cameron shaking her ass to the music.

[img[http://www.boobieblog.com/img/CantKeepHandsOff.jpg]]

!Can't keep my hands off her
OK, you caught me red handed, but I was only trying to give her a little support, and show her that this is where her bra should hold them up to.
For more like this go to: http://www.boobieblog.com

<html><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Y63UhBx33Dk"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Y63UhBx33Dk" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></html>
!Candi's Sexy Dance
Candi is 22 years old. She likes hot guys and sexy bi girls. She will do anything for a ride in a Mustang or a passing grade. She is studying to be a nurse. Someday she hopes to find the cure for cancer, or at least her favorite pair of underwear, which were last seen at the Alpha Kappa Psi party.

<html><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.mojoflix.com/mojoplayer.swf?scale_it=1&autoStart=0&no_skin_menu=1&popup=1&video=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.mojoflix.com%2FSWFParams%2F20114%2FEmbed%2F%3F"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.mojoflix.com/mojoplayer.swf?scale_it=1&autoStart=0&no_skin_menu=1&popup=1&video=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.mojoflix.com%2FSWFParams%2F20114%2FEmbed%2F%3F" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></html>
!Carmen Returns 2
Now in the shower...Enjoy!

<html><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://embed.break.com/MjYzNjc3"></param><embed src="http://embed.break.com/MjYzNjc3" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350"></embed></object><br><font size=1><a href="http://www.break.com/movies_nsfw/carmen_shows_off_her_amazing_body.html">Carmen Shows Off Her Amazing Body</a> - <a href="http://www.break.com/">Click Here for more great videos and pictures!</a></font></html>
!Carmen Shows Off Her Amazing Body
Carmen, who is one of our FAVORITE girls on FOUNDRY CAMS shows off her amazing body in a new skin-tight outfit, a shiny bikini, and in a bubble bath. Music by Rob Balducci.

<html><embed allowScriptAccess="never" allowFullScreen="true"  src="http://grouper.com/mtg/mtgPlayer.swf?v=1.7" width="400" height="325" quality="high" scale="noScale" FlashVars="ap=0&mu=0&rf=-1&vfver=8&extid=-1&extsite=-1&id=1438660&ml=o%3d7%26fk%3dCamWithHer%26fx%3d" wmode="window" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/index.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></html>
!Carmen is all wet
Just the way you like 'em. Sexy and wet.

<html><object width="498" height="420"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/eCfULQUx1V8"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/eCfULQUx1V8" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="498" height="420"></embed></object></html>
This has to be the most imaginative way to avoid getting caught I have ever seen.
I'd still dump her for lying to me (A relationship is built on trust), but he at least shows a cool head under pressure.

<html><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/1RlVtsAvKfs"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/1RlVtsAvKfs" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></html>
!Chris Rock Opens SNL with some election talk
Chris Rock ask 'Is America ready for a black President?'. My question is, why the hell is someone's race, religion or sexual orientation even a factor? The only real question is are they the best person to do the job. Nothing else matters.

!Gadfly's Online Christian Bondage and Domination Store

In support of the recent Southern Baptist edict that women should ''"submit to their husbands"'', we have acquired an inventory of beginning B&D supplies for the Baptist couple eager to explore the righteous ways of wife domination:
# ''Starter kit:'' leather masks with zippers and cat 'o nine tails. The masks are clearly emblazoned with Christian Fish symbols on the forehead area.
# ''Nipple Clamps of the Holy Trinity:'' Three brass nipple clamps held together with golden chains of appropriate length, allowing the masterful husband many options in attaching the third "Holy Spirit" clamp.
# ''Mary Magdalene's Leather Pants:'' This "cheekless" design allows full access to spanking surfaces when the wife is in her proper penitent, kneeling position.
# ''Wrath of God:'' a 12-foot bullwhip of black cowhide on a Communion chalice handle for putting the fear of God into wives who have strayed (e.g. thinking for themselves or having an opinion with no regard for the damage this causes the family).
# ''The Rack of St. Stephen:'' Sturdy construction with heavy, fur-lined wrist and ankle restraints. Can be spun upside down for the St. Paul variant.
# ''The Archangel:'' Large punishment phallus of sufficient diameter and length to make any wayward wife admit her heretical ways and beg forgiveness.
# ''The Judas Wand:'' A handsome vibrator that works well for five minutes then shuts down automatically, leaving the wife more dependent than ever on her Master.
# ''Riding Crop of the Pharacies:'' Teach your wife the ways of the Lord with this sturdy handcrafted riding crop.
# ''Anointment:'' a thick, non-toxic balm scented with myrrh and frankincense. Perfect for easing the pain of heavily welted skin or allowing the Master easier penetration when teaching a lesson regarding the ways of Sodom.
----
Borrowed from: [[KagedKitten|http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-HMFesyQ6eqGFB6OnNwHWP9NigO0-?cq=1]]

Get one for your car....Or maybe you wish to share the love of Christ. 
Imagine the next time that car with the [[Fish Symbol|Fish Symbol on Cars Explained]] parks to close to you at the store (I love climbing in through the passanger door don't you?) you can help share the love by placing one of these on the back of their car. Ya know everyone will smile when they see it.

[img[Homo for Christ|http://almostporn.net/HomoForChrist.jpg]]

<html><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/8RtfNdg1fQk"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/8RtfNdg1fQk" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></html>

[[Christian vs. Christ-follower pt2]] :: [[Christian vs. Christ-follower pt3]] :: [[Christian vs. Christ-follower pt4]]

<html><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/pYdD-Qc7lbY"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/pYdD-Qc7lbY" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></html>

[[Christian vs. Christ-follower pt1]] :: [[Christian vs. Christ-follower pt3]] :: [[Christian vs. Christ-follower pt4]]

<html><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/pRiijctGcAY"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/pRiijctGcAY" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></html>

[[Christian vs. Christ-follower pt1]] :: [[Christian vs. Christ-follower pt2]] :: [[Christian vs. Christ-follower pt4]]

<html><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/bIXDLUUn830"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/bIXDLUUn830" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></html>

[[Christian vs. Christ-follower pt1]] :: [[Christian vs. Christ-follower pt2]] :: [[Christian vs. Christ-follower pt3]]

Original at: http://www.signsforfaith.com/value.asp

!!!When looking for a new church sign, many churches have the same questions:
"Should we spend the money on a new church sign?"
"Isn't our sign good enough the way it is?"
"Nobody really pays attention to a sign anyway, right?" 
 
Many churches understand the intrinsic need for a new church sign, but don't realize the true value it provides them.

''A church sign is an investment'' in the future growth of the church. A church sign does not merely sit out front of a church to look pretty... it has the all important job of greeting new visitors... inspiring the passing public... and creating a great first impression of the church to all who go by. 

!A Signs for Faith sign has an amazing return on investment... 
 
A truly effective sign brings in new members who then contribute to the growth and financial well-being of the church through regular monetary contributions. In a recent study done by the Barna Research Group the average per capita amount given to churches in 2001 was $769. If your [[Signs for Faith|http://www.signsforfaith.com/value.asp]] church sign only brings in one family per month, here is the potential return on your investment from the new sign. 
[img[Contrabutions from One New Family per Month|http://www.signsforfaith.com/images/value-graph1.gif]]

Assuming the sign brings in only one family a month and each family contributes $15.38 per week, the total amount the church receives by the end of the year is $5168.

After 10 years of service, the sign will bring in 120 new families and over $466,000 in contributions to the church.
----

So get a church sign and ring in the cash... seems that is all that you are to the church.  [Pan_theFrog]

[img[images/sexy/google-common.jpg]]
!Most common thing looked for on Google
What did you think it was going to be Rocky the Squirrel?

Two lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the man goes out to chop some wood.

When he gets back in, he says, "Wow, my hands are freezing!"

She says, "Well put them here between my legs and that will warm them up."

After lunch he heads back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, "Dang! My hands are really cold!"

She says again, "Slide them between my legs and warm them up." He does, and again that warms him up.

After dinner, he wanders out to chop more wood for the night. When he returns, he says, "Honey, my hands are like ice!"

She looks at him and says, "Don't your ears ever get cold?"

//{{{
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config.views.wikified.defaultText = ""; // don't need message when a tiddler doesn't exist
config.views.editor.defaultText = "";   // don't need message when creating a new tiddler 
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merge(config.commands.closeTiddler,{
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!Conflation
http://conflation.org     Feb 15-17, 2008
<<reminder month:2 date:15 year:2008 title:"Conflation starts">>
This years special guest is Sarah and Matthew  Atherton (Feedback from ''Who wants to be a Super Hero'')
<html><a href="http://conflation.org" target="_blank"><img src="http://conflation.org/images/feedback.jpg" /></a></html>

<html><embed width="448" height="365" src="http://www.ifilm.com/efp" quality="high" bgcolor="000000" name="efp" align="middle" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" flashvars="flvbaseclip=2670125&"> </embed></html>
These men work hard, play hard, and go the distance! Too Hot for TV.

This guy is annoyed at how Mormons bother people at their homes by trying to convert them, so he decides it's time for a little payback.

If the video dosent show at first, click on the refresh button (up there ^ ^ ^).
<html><div align="center"><br /><iframe src="http://almostporn.net/images/converting_mormons.swf" frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" width="501" height="448" name="commercial" target="_blank"></iframe><span></div></html>
We could use more people like this in the world.
And the police need to have a word with the old man with the rake.

<html><object width="498" height="420"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/vn2eRKYUdf8"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/vn2eRKYUdf8" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="498" height="420"></embed></object></html>
!Crazy Tattoo
Maybe getting a tat on your back is not the best idea. Or at least bring a friend who will watch your back... pun intended.

[>img[images/members/Minx-sm.jpg]] Cunning Minx is all that and then some. She intelligent, sexy and witty. She is also a bit of an exhibitionist. 

She first came to our attention from her [[Polyamory Weekly]] podcast, and then we got to meet her at [[Conflation]]. 
Let's just say a good time was had by all. 




Read a little about her here: http://cunningminx.livejournal.com

<html><object width="498" height="420"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/5BtGztYwOp4"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/5BtGztYwOp4" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="498" height="420"></embed></object></html>
!Curse Of The Large Breasted Woman
She has something she wants to get off her chest...and we have something we want to put on her breast; Us.

<html><embed type="audio/mpeg" src="http://www.chivalry.com/jollyrogers/C3Sounds/CurvyGirls.mp3" name="plugin" height="100%" width="100%"></html>

Just a sample of the whole song by the [[Jolly Rogers|http://www.chivalry.com/jollyrogers/]]
See the entire video on [[YouTube|http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-HVZ6z0faI&mode=related&search=]]
Also check out this [[one|http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsF1Fa4ogYM]]

<html><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/owvO640ODwA"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/owvO640ODwA" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></html>
So much for thinking that the DMV is interested in making sure the person on the license is right.

/***
|Name|[[DatePlugin]]|
|Source|http://www.TiddlyTools.com/#DatePlugin|
|Documentation|http://www.TiddlyTools.com/#DatePluginInfo|
|Version|2.7.1|
|Author|Eric Shulman|
|License|http://www.TiddlyTools.com/#LegalStatements|
|~CoreVersion|2.1|
|Type|plugin|
|Description|formatted dates plus popup menu with 'journal' link, changes and (optional) reminders|
This plugin provides a general approach to displaying formatted dates and/or links and popups that permit easy navigation and management of tiddlers based on their creation/modification dates.
!!!!!Documentation
>see [[DatePluginInfo]]
!!!!!Configuration
<<<
<<option chkDatePopupHideCreated>> omit 'created' section from date popups
<<option chkDatePopupHideChanged>> omit 'changed' section from date popups
<<option chkDatePopupHideTagged>> omit 'tagged' section from date popups
<<option chkDatePopupHideReminders>> omit 'reminders' section from date popups
<<option chkShowJulianDate>> display Julian day number (1-365) below current date

see [[DatePluginConfig]] for additional configuration settings, for use in calendar displays, including:
*date formats
*color-coded backgrounds
*annual fixed-date holidays
*weekends
<<<
!!!!!Revisions
<<<
2009.05.31 [2.7.1] in addRemindersToPopup(), 'new reminder....' command now uses {{{<<newTiddler>>}}} macro.  Also, general code reduction/cleanup.
|please see [[DatePluginInfo]] for additional revision details|
2005.10.30 [0.9.0] pre-release
<<<
!!!!!Code
***/
//{{{
version.extensions.DatePlugin= {major: 2, minor: 7, revision: 1, date: new Date(2009,5,31)};

config.macros.date = {
	format: 'YYYY.0MM.0DD', // default date display format
	linkformat: 'YYYY.0MM.0DD', // 'dated tiddler' link format
	linkedbg: '#babb1e', // 'babble'
	todaybg: '#ffab1e', // 'fable'
	weekendbg: '#c0c0c0', // 'cocoa'
	holidaybg: '#ffaace', // 'face'
	createdbg: '#bbeeff', // 'beef'
	modifiedsbg: '#bbeeff', // 'beef'
	remindersbg: '#c0ffee', // 'coffee'
	weekend: [ 1,0,0,0,0,0,1 ], // [ day index values: sun=0, mon=1, tue=2, wed=3, thu=4, fri=5, sat=6 ],
	holidays: [ '01/01', '07/04', '07/24', '11/24' ]
		// NewYearsDay, IndependenceDay(US), Eric's Birthday (hooray!), Thanksgiving(US)
};

config.macros.date.handler = function(place,macroName,params)
{
	// default: display current date
	var now =new Date();
	var date=now;
	var mode='display';
	if (params[0]&&['display','popup','link'].contains(params[0].toLowerCase()))
		{ mode=params[0]; params.shift(); }

	if (!params[0] || params[0]=='today')
		{ params.shift(); }
	else if (params[0]=='filedate')
		{ date=new Date(document.lastModified); params.shift(); }
	else if (params[0]=='tiddler')
		{ date=store.getTiddler(story.findContainingTiddler(place).id.substr(7)).modified; params.shift(); }
	else if (params[0].substr(0,8)=='tiddler:')
		{ var t; if ((t=store.getTiddler(params[0].substr(8)))) date=t.modified; params.shift(); }
	else {
		var y = eval(params.shift().replace(/Y/ig,(now.getYear()<1900)?now.getYear()+1900:now.getYear()));
		var m = eval(params.shift().replace(/M/ig,now.getMonth()+1));
		var d = eval(params.shift().replace(/D/ig,now.getDate()+0));
		date = new Date(y,m-1,d);
	}
	// date format with optional custom override
	var format=this.format; if (params[0]) format=params.shift();
	var linkformat=this.linkformat; if (params[0]) linkformat=params.shift();
	showDate(place,date,mode,format,linkformat);
}

window.showDate=showDate;
function showDate(place,date,mode,format,linkformat,autostyle,weekend)
{
	mode	  =mode||'display';
	format	  =format||config.macros.date.format;
	linkformat=linkformat||config.macros.date.linkformat;

	// format the date output
	var title=date.formatString(format);
	var linkto=date.formatString(linkformat);

	// just show the formatted output
	if (mode=='display') { place.appendChild(document.createTextNode(title)); return; }

	// link to a 'dated tiddler'
	var link = createTiddlyLink(place, linkto, false);
	link.appendChild(document.createTextNode(title));
	link.title = linkto;
	link.date = date;
	link.format = format;
	link.linkformat = linkformat;

	// if using a popup menu, replace click handler for dated tiddler link
	// with handler for popup and make link text non-italic (i.e., an 'existing link' look)
	if (mode=='popup') {
		link.onclick = onClickDatePopup;
		link.style.fontStyle='normal';
	}
	// format the popup link to show what kind of info it contains (for use with calendar generators)
	if (autostyle) setDateStyle(place,link,weekend);
}
//}}}
//{{{
// NOTE: This function provides default logic for setting the date style when displayed in a calendar
// To customize the date style logic, please see[[DatePluginConfig]]
function setDateStyle(place,link,weekend) {
	// alias variable names for code readability
	var date=link.date;
	var fmt=link.linkformat;
	var linkto=date.formatString(fmt);
	var cmd=config.macros.date;

	if ((weekend!==undefined?weekend:isWeekend(date))&&(cmd.weekendbg!=''))
		{ place.style.background = cmd.weekendbg; }
	if (hasModifieds(date)||hasCreateds(date)||hasTagged(date,fmt))
		{ link.style.fontStyle='normal'; link.style.fontWeight='bold'; }
	if (hasReminders(date))
		{ link.style.textDecoration='underline'; }
	if (isToday(date))
		{ link.style.border='1px solid black'; }
	if (isHoliday(date)&&(cmd.holidaybg!=''))
		{ place.style.background = cmd.holidaybg; }
	if (hasCreateds(date)&&(cmd.createdbg!=''))
		{ place.style.background = cmd.createdbg; }
	if (hasModifieds(date)&&(cmd.modifiedsbg!=''))
		{ place.style.background = cmd.modifiedsbg; }
	if ((hasTagged(date,fmt)||store.tiddlerExists(linkto))&&(cmd.linkedbg!=''))
		{ place.style.background = cmd.linkedbg; }
	if (hasReminders(date)&&(cmd.remindersbg!=''))
		{ place.style.background = cmd.remindersbg; }
	if (isToday(date)&&(cmd.todaybg!=''))
		{ place.style.background = cmd.todaybg; }
	if (config.options.chkShowJulianDate) { // optional display of Julian date numbers
		var m=[0,31,59,90,120,151,181,212,243,273,304,334];
		var d=date.getDate()+m[date.getMonth()];
		var y=date.getFullYear();
		if (date.getMonth()>1 && (y%4==0 && y%100!=0) || y%400==0)
			d++; // after February in a leap year
		wikify('@@font-size:80%;<br>'+d+'@@',place);
	}

}
//}}}
//{{{
function isToday(date) // returns true if date is today
	{ var now=new Date(); return ((now-date>=0) && (now-date<86400000)); }
function isWeekend(date) // returns true if date is a weekend
	{ return (config.macros.date.weekend[date.getDay()]); }
function isHoliday(date) // returns true if date is a holiday
{
	var longHoliday = date.formatString('0MM/0DD/YYYY');
	var shortHoliday = date.formatString('0MM/0DD');
	for(var i = 0; i < config.macros.date.holidays.length; i++) {
		var holiday=config.macros.date.holidays[i];
		if (holiday==longHoliday||holiday==shortHoliday) return true;
	}
	return false;
}
//}}}
//{{{
// Event handler for clicking on a day popup
function onClickDatePopup(e) { e=e||window.event;
	var p=Popup.create(this); if (!p) return false;
	// always show dated tiddler link (or just date, if readOnly) at the top...
	if (!readOnly || store.tiddlerExists(this.date.formatString(this.linkformat)))
		createTiddlyLink(createTiddlyElement(p,'li'),this.date.formatString(this.linkformat),true);
	else
		createTiddlyText(createTiddlyElement(p,'li'),this.date.formatString(this.linkformat));
	if (!config.options.chkDatePopupHideCreated)
		addCreatedsToPopup(p,this.date,this.format);
	if (!config.options.chkDatePopupHideChanged)
		addModifiedsToPopup(p,this.date,this.format);
	if (!config.options.chkDatePopupHideTagged)
		addTaggedToPopup(p,this.date,this.linkformat);
	if (!config.options.chkDatePopupHideReminders)
		addRemindersToPopup(p,this.date,this.linkformat);
	Popup.show(); e.cancelBubble=true; if(e.stopPropagation)e.stopPropagation(); return false;
}
//}}}
//{{{
function indexCreateds() // build list of tiddlers, hash indexed by creation date
{
	var createds= { };
	var tiddlers = store.getTiddlers('title','excludeLists');
	for (var t = 0; t < tiddlers.length; t++) {
		var date = tiddlers[t].created.formatString('YYYY0MM0DD')
		if (!createds[date])
			createds[date]=new Array();
		createds[date].push(tiddlers[t].title);
	}
	return createds;
}
function hasCreateds(date) // returns true if date has created tiddlers
{
	if (!config.macros.date.createds) config.macros.date.createds=indexCreateds();
	return (config.macros.date.createds[date.formatString('YYYY0MM0DD')]!=undefined);
}

function addCreatedsToPopup(p,when,format)
{
	var force=(store.isDirty() && when.formatString('YYYY0MM0DD')==new Date().formatString('YYYY0MM0DD'));
	if (force || !config.macros.date.createds) config.macros.date.createds=indexCreateds();
	var indent=String.fromCharCode(160)+String.fromCharCode(160);
	var createds = config.macros.date.createds[when.formatString('YYYY0MM0DD')];
	if (createds) {
		createds.sort();
		var e=createTiddlyElement(p,'div',null,null,'created ('+createds.length+')');
		for(var t=0; t<createds.length; t++) {
			var link=createTiddlyLink(createTiddlyElement(p,'li'),createds[t],false);
			link.appendChild(document.createTextNode(indent+createds[t]));
		}
	}
}
//}}}
//{{{
function indexModifieds() // build list of tiddlers, hash indexed by modification date
{
	var modifieds= { };
	var tiddlers = store.getTiddlers('title','excludeLists');
	for (var t = 0; t < tiddlers.length; t++) {
		var date = tiddlers[t].modified.formatString('YYYY0MM0DD')
		if (!modifieds[date])
			modifieds[date]=new Array();
		modifieds[date].push(tiddlers[t].title);
	}
	return modifieds;
}
function hasModifieds(date) // returns true if date has modified tiddlers
{
	if (!config.macros.date.modifieds) config.macros.date.modifieds = indexModifieds();
	return (config.macros.date.modifieds[date.formatString('YYYY0MM0DD')]!=undefined);
}

function addModifiedsToPopup(p,when,format)
{
	var date=when.formatString('YYYY0MM0DD');
	var force=(store.isDirty() && date==new Date().formatString('YYYY0MM0DD'));
	if (force || !config.macros.date.modifieds) config.macros.date.modifieds=indexModifieds();
	var indent=String.fromCharCode(160)+String.fromCharCode(160);
	var mods = config.macros.date.modifieds[date];
	if (mods) {
		// if a tiddler was created on this date, don't list it in the 'changed' section
		if (config.macros.date.createds && config.macros.date.createds[date]) {
			var temp=[];
			for(var t=0; t<mods.length; t++)
				if (!config.macros.date.createds[date].contains(mods[t]))
					temp.push(mods[t]);
			mods=temp;
		}
		mods.sort();
		var e=createTiddlyElement(p,'div',null,null,'changed ('+mods.length+')');
		for(var t=0; t<mods.length; t++) {
			var link=createTiddlyLink(createTiddlyElement(p,'li'),mods[t],false);
			link.appendChild(document.createTextNode(indent+mods[t]));
		}
	}
}
//}}}
//{{{
function hasTagged(date,format) // returns true if date is tagging other tiddlers
{
	return store.getTaggedTiddlers(date.formatString(format)).length>0;
}

function addTaggedToPopup(p,when,format)
{
	var indent=String.fromCharCode(160)+String.fromCharCode(160);
	var tagged=store.getTaggedTiddlers(when.formatString(format));
	if (tagged.length) var e=createTiddlyElement(p,'div',null,null,'tagged ('+tagged.length+')');
	for(var t=0; t<tagged.length; t++) {
		var link=createTiddlyLink(createTiddlyElement(p,'li'),tagged[t].title,false);
		link.appendChild(document.createTextNode(indent+tagged[t].title));
	}
}
//}}}
//{{{
function indexReminders(date,leadtime) // build list of tiddlers with reminders, hash indexed by reminder date
{
	var reminders = { };
	if(window.findTiddlersWithReminders!=undefined) { // reminder plugin is installed
		var t = findTiddlersWithReminders(date, [0,leadtime], null, null, 1);
		for(var i=0; i<t.length; i++) reminders[t[i].matchedDate]=true;
	}
	return reminders;
}

function hasReminders(date) // returns true if date has reminders
{
	if (window.reminderCacheForCalendar)
		return window.reminderCacheForCalendar[date]; // use calendar cache
	if (!config.macros.date.reminders)
		config.macros.date.reminders = indexReminders(date,90); // create a 90-day leadtime reminder cache
	return (config.macros.date.reminders[date]);
}

function addRemindersToPopup(p,when,format)
{
	if(window.findTiddlersWithReminders==undefined) return; // reminder plugin not installed

	var indent = String.fromCharCode(160)+String.fromCharCode(160);
	var reminders=findTiddlersWithReminders(when, [0,31],null,null,1);
	createTiddlyElement(p,'div',null,null,'reminders ('+(reminders.length||'none')+')');
	for(var t=0; t<reminders.length; t++) {
		link = createTiddlyLink(createTiddlyElement(p,'li'),reminders[t].tiddler,false);
		var diff=reminders[t].diff;
		diff=(diff<1)?'Today':((diff==1)?'Tomorrow':diff+' days');
		var txt=(reminders[t].params['title'])?reminders[t].params['title']:reminders[t].tiddler;
		link.appendChild(document.createTextNode(indent+diff+' - '+txt));
	}
	if (readOnly) return;	// readonly... omit 'new reminder...' command
	var rem='\\<\\<reminder day:%0 month:%1 year:%2 title:"Enter a reminder title here"\\>\\>';
	rem=rem.format([when.getDate(),when.getMonth()+1,when.getYear()+1900]);
	var cmd="<<newTiddler label:[["+indent+"new reminder...]] prompt:[[add a reminder to '%0']]"
		+" title:[[%0]] text:{{var t=store.getTiddlerText('%0','');t+(t.length?'\\n':'')+'%1'}} tag:%2>>";
	wikify(cmd.format([when.formatString(format),rem,config.options.txtCalendarReminderTags||'']),
		createTiddlyElement(p,'li'));
}
//}}}

<html><table cellpadding="3"> <tbody><tr><td colspan="2"> <font size="+2">My Dating Status Button says:</font> <br>
<img src="button-psia.jpg"><br />

<font size="+2">Polyamorous, Straight, Involved/Available</font> </td></tr> <tr><td bgcolor="cyan"><font color="black"> <strong>Polyamorous </strong></font></td><td bgcolor="cyan"><font color="black"> Interested in multiple serious relationships. </font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="blue"><font color="white"> <strong>Straight </strong></font></td><td bgcolor="blue"><font color="white"> Interested only in the opposite gender. </font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="grey"><font color="white"> <strong>Involved/Available </strong></font></td><td bgcolor="grey"><font color="white"> Currently in a relationship, and potentially interested in more. </font></td></tr></tbody></table> <a href="http://www.phoenixgamestore.com/statusbuttons.htm">Click here to find your own dating status button</a>  <br></html>
This place actually sells these buttons as well. $2 each plus $1.50 flat shipping fee. Save on the shipping cost and order more then one button. After all, ya got friends, right?

To find out a little more about my dating status [[click here|Polyamory]]

<html><object width="498" height="420"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/gupANtHInWc"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/gupANtHInWc" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="498" height="420"></embed></object></html>
!David Copperfield - Voyeur
From ''Tornado of Fire!''. The song is ''Sailin `on'' by Moby

<html><embed src="http://www.funnyinside.com/imagesmlst/AAAdearpenis.swf" quality="high" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/index.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="300">
</html>

[[SiteMap]]

<html><object width="498" height="420"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ADitk0eQs8c"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ADitk0eQs8c" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="498" height="420"></embed></object></html>
!Destination Unknown - Alex Gaudino (Feat. Crystal Waters)
The kid is in marching band at school, and all I can say is that they do not wear these short little skirts. That is a good thing as it is a high school. Now once he hits collage...I am going to push for the short skirts.

http://devilspanties.keenspot.com/
[img[http://devilspanties.keenspot.com/comics/20070213.jpg][http://devilspanties.keenspot.com/]]
Semi-autobiographical comic about Jennie Breeden's life.

<html><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://embed.break.com/MTk3NTMx"></param><embed src="http://embed.break.com/MTk3NTMx" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></html>
!Dick in a Box
And here I spent all that time and money, when all she really wanted was the box...
Wait isn't this a fast food joint? 

Also see [[Box in a Box]]

[<img[images/silly/Dickey-Doo.jpg]]Do you find yourself embarrassed by an enlarged, swollen penis? Do you suffer sudden discomfort from your penis as it swells, straining to burst free of your pants? What you need is Dickey-Doo! Dickey-Doo is a lotion you rub over the swollen area until you gain relief. Dickey-Doo has no harmful side effects, and has been shown to lower the chances of getting prostate cancer. 

Dickey-Doo has also been credited with helping users love life, as the user is less driven by the need of quick relief, spends more time engaged in foreplay, and in the act of intercourse. This often results in partners who are happier, and more eager to engage in long and passionate sessions.

Long term use of Dickey-Doo has even been shown to decrease incidents of premature ejaculation in users who suffer from premature ejaculation.

Dickey-Doo is available over the counter, but first ask your doctor if Dickey-Doo is right for you.

Also try our other fine [[AlmostPorn products|Products]].

<html><table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0"><tr><td align="center"><embed src="http://www.livevideo.com/flvplayer/flvplayer.swf?autoStart=0&popup=1&scale_it=1&video=http%3a%2f%2fwww.livevideo.com%2fmedia%2fgetflashvideo.ashx%3fcid%3dCF2D52BD6EE74362888C9717E87A5817%26rby%3d10829-0%26popup%3d1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" quality="high" WIDTH="445" HEIGHT="405" wmode="transparent"></embed><br/><a target="_new" href="http://www.livevideo.com/video/CF2D52BD6EE74362888C9717E87A5817/did+you+date.aspx">Did You Date?</a></td></tr></table></html>
Actually this service would do me a lot of good...on both sides of it.
But damn, what if there is someone with my name that is a total jackass?

<html><object width="498" height="420"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/-8UUjYrAnUU"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/-8UUjYrAnUU" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="498" height="420"></embed></object></html>
!Dildo Song
It is the dildo version of the slinky song!
This classic video is one of the first viral videos ever to hit the net. Sit back and enjoy.

<html><embed src="http://vidmax.com/img/vidmax_player.swf" width="450" height="447" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"  pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" flashvars="xml=http://vidmax.com/index.php/videos/playlist/&id=251&autoPlay=true&bg=http://vidmax.com/img/back.jpg" scale="showall" name="index" /></html>
!Diner gets too sexy for old ladies
Personally I think I spend a lot of time at a place that hired these ladies to clean the windows.

<html>
<div>
<object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" data="http://www.clipstr.com/player/flvplayer.swf" wmode="transparent" flashvars="file=DinosaurThreesome&amp;showdigits=true&amp;autostart=true&amp;showfsbutton=true&amp;overstretch=true&amp;image=http://www.clipstr.com/videos/DinosaurThreesome/thumb-b.jpg" height="385" width="500">	
  		<param name="movie" value="http://www.clipstr.com/player/flvplayer.swf">
  		<param name="wmode" value="transparent">
		<param name="flashvars" value="file=DinosaurThreesome&amp;showdigits=true&amp;autostart=true&amp;showfsbutton=true&amp;overstretch=true&amp;image=http://www.clipstr.com/videos/&amp;showdigits=true&amp;autostart=true&amp;showfsbutton=true&amp;overstretch=true&amp;image=http://www.clipstr.com/videos/DinosaurThreesome/thumb-b.jpg">
	</object>
</div>
</html>
!Dinosaur Threesome
Check out all the hot girl on girl on dinosaur action... Wait, did I just say dinosaur?

In a recent survey 10% of American males dislike Bush so much they will not even have sex with a woman.
Another 75% would like to watch Hillary Clinton eat Bush.
The remaining 15% think Saddam Hussein was behind 9/11.

And this is Jenna Bush
[img[images/sexy/jenna_bush_picture_4.jpg]]

!How dig is average?
Different surveys conclude that different sizes are normal. Why? Because they're surveys. No group has the time or the money to measure every erect penis on Earth (but I do know some women who are trying). Recent Lifestyles Condom Company conducted a survey in 2001, which measured the erect length and girth of 300 college age men in Cancun, Mexico amid Spring Break.

!!!Here's what they concluded:
*The average length of an erect penis is about 5.9 inches.
*The average girth of an erect penis is about 5 inches.

Alfred Kinsey, of the famed Kinsey Institute, conducted the first report on average penis size in the 1940s, which claimed that the average erect penis was 6.2 to 6.4 inches in length. The flaw with this survey was that the study focused only on Caucasian men and let the men measure themselves (and my guess is that some were super-sizing ). And although the difference is only about a mere half an inch in difference, it means a whole lot to many men out there.

http://almostporn.net/images/DragonCon06/ 
[img[http://almostporn.net/images/DragonCon06/thumbnails/DragonCon06%20(43).jpg][http://almostporn.net/images/DragonCon06/]] [img[http://almostporn.net/images/DragonCon06/thumbnails/DragonCon06%20(26).jpg][http://almostporn.net/images/DragonCon06/]] [img[http://almostporn.net/images/DragonCon06/thumbnails/DragonCon06%20(74).jpg][http://almostporn.net/images/DragonCon06/]] [img[http://almostporn.net/images/DragonCon06/thumbnails/DragonCon06%20(2).jpg][http://almostporn.net/images/DragonCon06/]]
Just a collection of pictures I took at ~DragonCon 2006.
Mostly of sexy girls in nice outfits.
If you have never attended I recommend it.
The eye candy is great, even if they had to pass a rule that the naughty bits needed to be covered.
Oh, well. I've always preferred that there be something left for me to imagine.
Besides, electrical tape makes a great clothing accessory.

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Football (That's 'soccer' to you Americans that can't figure it out) players exchange shirts at the end of a match, so why not tennis players. I think we should encourage this idea of comradeship & good sportsmanship to be applied to all sports. The crowd loves it, and so do I.

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!Dropping Daylight - Tell Me
The powerful video for Dropping Daylight’s new single, “Tell Me” off their album Brace Yourself. Head over to http://www.droppingdaylight.com/ to check out the band and also how you can win a Nintendo Wii! Octone Records. From Wiredset Digital Agency.

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So why don't they show this ad here in the US?

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!Embarrassing Sunburn
Try not to let this happen to you.

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!EnterCourse.TV: Sex Tips Episode 002 "Better Blowjobs"
All girls can go dowtown, but the ones who do it right will own the place. Hey this is Justine with another sex tip. This time its all about going downtown on your man. Guys, don't worry, I haven't forgot about you ,but its only fair to give the ladies some advice too. Now, there's a lot that can be said about oral sex. But I'm going to try to give you some quick tips that will have him cumming in no time.

I know all girls have their own opinions about going down on their man. I know some of you would rather sit through a root canal than give a blowjob. However, I'm here to tell you that if done right, it can be just as enjoyable for both of you.

The first step, as always, is to talk to him. Just because all guys seem the same, doesn't mean they all like the same kind of blowjob. Start out by asking what he likes to do to himself when he's "by himself." Ask him what exactly he likes about oral sex in the first place. He just might surprise you. As a general rule of thumb, most guys are very visually oriented. Its all about how you look while you're doing it. I know a ton of girls that don't enjoy giving head because they are embarrassed and think they look stupid or ugly when doing it. This couldn't be more wrong, guys LOVE seeing you in every detail. Don't hide behind your hair or be afraid to look at him. Shoe him at every turn that giving him pleasure is giving you pleasure.

Now, some guys can take a LONG time to cum from oral sex. If you've tried to give your guy a blowjob in the past and your jaw is still recovering a week later, here are two very helpful techniques: 1.) Don't expect to take him all the way with your mouth, switch off with your hands, or slip him inside and ride him for several strokes before jumping back off and taking him in your mouth again. I guarantee the thought of you tasting yourself on his favorite tool will ad to his excitement. And 2.) Get him half way there before you start. Don't expect yourself to take him all the way from 0 to 60 with your mouth alone. If your guy is a challenge to get to the finish line make sure he's good and turned on before you start.

So I'll leave you with a few of my own secret weapons: First, noise. I like to moan as if he were inside me the entire time so he knows what I'm thinking about. Also, try this line "You can do ANYTHING you want with me." That always gets them going. And lastly, ladies, don't be a prude, if your man wants to cum on your face, let him. He'll love you for it.

Ok so that does it for today, I'm Justine Sane, check back next time when its the guy's turn to go downtown.

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!EnterCourse.TV: Sex Tips Episode 006 "Homemade Sex Toys"
Okay for this episode we decided to do something a little different. We're moving it out of the bedroom this week and into the kitchen. This week is all about sex toys you can make at home. We know a lot of our viewers either are too young to purchase sex toys themselves, or are too embarrassed to do so regardless of their age. For that reason, we thought it'd be a good idea to cover some things you can do at home, that will serve the same purpose ;)

!Toy #1: "The Sponge Off"
!!!Ingredients: 
* 1 Cup 
* 2 (Large) Sponges 
* 1 Bottle Of Lube 
* Some Hot Water

!!!Instructions: 
Simply take the two sponges, run them under some hot (not too hot!) water and ring them out thoroughly. Then place them in the cup so they cover both sides of the inside of the cup. Fill the cup up with some lube and go to town.

!Toy #2: "Couch Lovin"
!!!Ingredients: 
* 1 Couch 
* 1 Plastic Bag (Zip Lock) 
* 1 Bottle Of Lube 
* A Good Imagination

!!!Instructions: 
Use scissors and cut the zip lock part of the bag off, then fill it up with some lube. Make sure to squish the bag around in your hands so the entire inside is covered in lube. Then, head over to the couch. Lift up a cushion and place the bag under it. Insert, and enjoy.

!Toy #3: "Popcorn Surprise"
!!!Ingredients: 
* 1 Bucket Of Popcorn (Empty) 
* 1 Inside Of A Toilet Paper Roll (Or Paper Towel Roll) 
* 1 Latex Glove 
* 1 Bottle Of Lube 
* 1 Pair Of Scissors 
* 1 Good Roll Of Tape 
* 1 Sharpie

!!!Instructions: 
Find a place on the bucket that you want to "insert" into. Place the toilet paper roll on the bucket and trace it with the sharpie. Divide that circle into a pie like shape and cut along the lines you just drew. This will create small triangles. Push the roll inside the bucket and tape around the triangles for a good grip. Then place the latex glove inside this cylinder and tape the outside down to secure it. Put some lube inside and you're almost ready to go. For added sensation, fill the bucket with fresh popcorn.

That's it for this episode, as always send all questions to <<email justine at entercourse.tv>> and it just might get answered on the show!

[img[images/silly/EpicBoobs.jpg]]
Hell yeah they can. I use mine to do it all the time. Ask [[Cunning Minx]]. She knows all about being a boobie-sexual.
Ok, there is a bit of a lie in this. You can't make a straight girl into a lesbian with just your boobs. The best you can hope for is to make her a bisexual.  Not that there is anything wrong with that.

<html><span><embed src="http://www.livevideo.com/flvplayer/embed/9FA70678CADB4E38A6ED81660054F9FB" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" quality="high" WIDTH="445" HEIGHT="405" wmode="transparent"></embed><br/><a href="http://www.livevideo.com/video/embedLink/9FA70678CADB4E38A6ED81660054F9FB/24567/erika-shows-off-her-new-thong-on-webcam.aspx">Erika Shows off her new thong on Webcam</a></span></html>
!Erika's new thong
Erica has a brand new thong. She paid a lot for it, but didn't get a lot for her money.

Stuff that might count as erotic

<<showReminders leadtime:366>>

Recently, a lady asked me if it was true that men think about sex every six seconds. I explained that the statement is "every six seconds on average". I often go far longer then six seconds without thinking about sex, but that on average six seconds seemed right for me. I cannot speak for other men, as I am not them.

I don't think that most of it can truly be called thinking though. It is more like ducking out of the way of something you glimpse coming at your head.

I had to try and explain that I am wired so that if there is a woman walking in front of me my eyes go to her ass, even if she is not anything I am interested in. I can be talking to a woman, blissfully unaware that she is a woman, but then she will move or stretch and suddenly my eyes are drawn to her breast. As I am walking down a hall, glancing down a connecting hall way and seeing a woman bending over has the same effect as on my eyes as a magnet has on steel, I just have to stare. Maybe she will rub her finger over her lips, and suddenly all I can think of is what it would feel like. If a woman bends forward I find myself trying to glace down her shirt. The same if a woman in a skirt crosses her legs.

I cannot stop it, nor is it something that last for more then a second, but for that brief moment in time, it is all that I can think about..

But I have to ask, do women find themselves doing the same?

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!Everything You Never Cared To Know About Porn
*12% of all websites are pornographic.
*25% of all search engines are for porn.
*35% of all downloads are pornographic.
*28,258 people are viewing porn every second.
*$89.00 is spent on internet porn every second.
*266 new porn site are created everyday.
*The US spent $2.84 billion on internet porn in 2006.
*89% of all internet porn is produced in the US.
So can the US finally admit that it's people watch porn?
So can we

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6 minutes of classic modern dance. How many of these you have done?
Judson Laipply is the dancer. See http://www.evolutionofdance.com for more info including song list.

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country . . we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man."Who talkin' abouta sex? I 'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi."

At one point in my life I spent quite a bit of time in erotic dance clubs. The girl I was dating at the time was trying to decide if she liked women or not, and having them shake it in her face or grind it against her leg seemed like a good way to find out.

After a very nice lap dance in which both ladies seemed to forget that they were in a crowded place, and left one of them shuddering and multiply calling out the name of a deity she claimed to not believe in, my lady asked the dancer what the perfume was that she wore as we had both described it as smelling so good that we just wanted to eat her up. Thinking she was going to name something expensive, we were a little shocked to find out that she made it herself. It seems that a lot of the dancers use vanilla or almond extract mixed with baby oil or 'skin so soft'. It is cheap (Important when a girl might take 5 showers a night), makes their skin soft, last a long time, and hits places in the back of your mind.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/216685/fifa_soccer.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/216685/fifa_soccer/">Fifa Soccer</a></font></html>
!FIFA Naked Soccer
Fan girls at the FIFA  World Cup didn't have quite enough uniforms. Likely, the weather was good and they came up with the idea of just painting them onto their bare skin. The painted on shin guards didn't work well, but the rest of the outfit was a big hit with the girls and the rest of the fans.

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!Facebook Stalker
Penn Masala presents The Facebook Skit, a parody of Enrique Iglesias' song Hero. 

Penn Masala is the world's first and premier Hindi a cappella group formed in 1996 at the University of Pennsylvania. Visit their website (http://www.pennmasala.com) for more information.

[img[images/sexy/faith01.jpg]]
Faith came to the beach to play a little volleyball. Then someone one said her tits were as big as the volley ball.
[img[images/sexy/faith02.jpg]]
As you can see they are not quite as big as a volleyball. Close, though.
[img[images/sexy/faith03.jpg]]
Afterwards she showered off.
Go to http://www.bigboobsalert.com/faith-big-naturals.php to see more shots that are not AlmostPorn.

[img[images/family_planning.jpg]]

Hundreds and hundreds of times and she never got pregnant.

<html><span><embed src="http://www.livevideo.com/flvplayer/embed/4E2379D7113D46ECA2F4CD50D45861F9" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" quality="high" WIDTH="445" HEIGHT="405" wmode="transparent"></embed><br/><a href="http://www.livevideo.com/video/embedLink/4E2379D7113D46ECA2F4CD50D45861F9/29117/fashion-fusion-ii.aspx">FASHION FUSION II</a></span></html>
Guys, watch this and gets some ideas of what to get next time you have to shop for a female.
The fact that she's worth looking at is just a bonus.

Shes on her knees
while I beg please
Fellatio 
increasing ratio
smile on her face
she loves the taste

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/551502/female_beauty.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/551502/female_beauty/">FEMALE BEAUTY</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>The most amazing bloopers are here</a></font></html>
!Female Beauty Slideshow
Nice collection of pictures.

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!How to Find the Female ~G-Spot
Young hot sexy woman describes the ~G-Spot and how to stimulate it.
Your mission is to find and stimulate it. Now get to work.

Four lawyers in a law firm lived for their Saturday morning round of golf. It was their favorite moment of the week. Then one of the lawyers was transferred to an office in another city.

It wasn't quite the same without him. Then, a new lawyer joined their law firm. A woman.

One day she overheard the remaining three talking about their golf round at the coffee table. Curious, she spoke up, "You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?"

The three lawyers looked at each other. They were hesitant. Not one of them wanted to say “Yes,” but she had them on the spot. Finally, one of them said it would be okay, but they would be starting pretty early, at 6:30 am.

He figured the early tee-time would discourage her immediately. The woman said this might be a problem, and asked if she could possibly be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said this would be okay.

She smiled, and said, "Good, then I'll be there either at 6:30 or 6:45." She showed up at 6:30 on the dot and wound up beating all three of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She was a fun and pleasant person the entire round. The guys were impressed! Back in the clubhouse, they congratulated her and happily invited her to play again the following week.

She smiled, and said, "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or 6:45." The next week, she showed up at 6:30, but she played left-handed. The three lawyers were incredulous as she still managed to beat them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. By now the guys were totally amazed, but wondered if she was just trying to make them look bad by beating them left- handed. They couldn't figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be purposely showing them up, but each man began to harbor a burning desire to beat her!

In the third week, they all had their game faces on -- but she was 15 minutes late! This had the guys irritable because each was determined to play the best round of golf of his life. As they waited for her, they figured her late arrival was some petty gamesmanship on her part. Finally, she showed up. This week, she played right-handed and narrowly beat all three of them. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play, it was hard to hold a grudge against her. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out!

Back in the clubhouse, she had all three guys shaking their heads at her ability. They had a couple of beers at the 19th hole, which helped the conversation loosen up. Finally, one of the men could contain his curiosity any longer. He asked her point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"

The lady blushed, and grinned. She said, "That's easy. When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I have always had fun switching back and forth. Then, when I met my husband in college and got married, I discovered he always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his thingie was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed.

All the guys on the team thought this was hysterical." Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, "But what if it's pointed straight up in the air?"

She said, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late.

The following chart is based upon the average data for females found in "[[Are you average?]]"
<html><table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0">
  <tr>
    <td class="xl27" width="49">&nbsp; </td>
    <td colspan="9" class="xl26" width="351"><div align="center">Females Compared</div></td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <td class="xl28">Height</td>
    <td class="xl26">58 </td>
    <td class="xl26">60 </td>
    <td class="xl26">62 </td>
    <td class="xl29">64.25 </td>
    <td class="xl26">66 </td>
    <td class="xl26">68 </td>
    <td class="xl26">70 </td>
    <td class="xl26">72 </td>
    <td class="xl26">74 </td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <td class="xl26">Bust </td>
    <td class="xl25">31.73 </td>
    <td class="xl25">32.82 </td>
    <td class="xl25">33.92 </td>
    <td class="xl25">35.15 </td>
    <td class="xl25">36.11 </td>
    <td class="xl25">37.20 </td>
    <td class="xl25">38.30 </td>
    <td class="xl25">39.39 </td>
    <td class="xl25">40.48 </td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <td class="xl26">Waist </td>
    <td class="xl25">25.41 </td>
    <td class="xl25">26.29 </td>
    <td class="xl25">27.16 </td>
    <td class="xl25">28.15 </td>
    <td class="xl25">28.92 </td>
    <td class="xl25">29.79 </td>
    <td class="xl25">30.67 </td>
    <td class="xl25">31.55 </td>
    <td class="xl25">32.42 </td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <td class="xl26">Hips </td>
    <td class="xl25">34.08 </td>
    <td class="xl25">35.25 </td>
    <td class="xl25">36.43 </td>
    <td class="xl25">37.75 </td>
    <td class="xl25">38.78 </td>
    <td class="xl25">39.95 </td>
    <td class="xl25">41.13 </td>
    <td class="xl25">42.30 </td>
    <td class="xl25">43.48 </td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <td class="xl26">Inseam </td>
    <td class="xl25">28.89 </td>
    <td class="xl25">29.88 </td>
    <td class="xl25">30.88 </td>
    <td class="xl24">32.00 </td>
    <td class="xl25">32.87 </td>
    <td class="xl25">33.87 </td>
    <td class="xl25">34.86 </td>
    <td class="xl25">35.86 </td>
    <td class="xl25">36.86 </td>
  </tr>
</table></html>
What this is showing is the measurements of the average American woman (Height 64.25, Bust 35.15 Waist 28.15, Hips 37.75), and what her size would be like at different heights. So find your height and see how you stack up.

!How you rack up
The average natural breast size in America breaks down as follows:
* AA cup: 2%
* A cup: 15%
* B cup: 44%
* C cup: 28%
* D cup: 10%
* DD cup: 1% 
[>img[http://almostporn.net/images/DragonCon06/thumbnails/DragonCon06%20(5).jpg][http://almostporn.net/images/DragonCon06/images/DragonCon06%20(5).jpg]]<<imagebox>>Funny thing is that most of the women I have dated have been C or larger. One wore a 40J (36 band, 50 over her tits). Her biggest wish was to get a reduction, and I fully understood. To give you an idea of what that looks like, [[Leslie Culton|http://almostporn.net/images/DragonCon06/pages/DragonCon06%20(5).html]] is 38DD-26-36 (Click on picture to see a larger version). Guys, let me tell you, if a girl is that big and natural, they do not stand up all perky like. When she laid on her back they normally go to each side. If they are still pointing at the ceiling, they are fake.

Wander over here for a [[bra size calculator|http://bra.and.bras.googlepages.com/bra_size_calculator.html]] 
And no, I still don't understand how they come up with these numbers.
But then, I also don't understand why womens underwear sizes are totally different then their pants size. I mean do you know how confusing it is to order size 18 panties, and then when you get them they look like the pair used in Shallow Hal? I was sitting there going "But I know what size she wears, and this is not it".
[img[Shallow Hal|images/shallow_hal_150.jpg][http://www.moviehabit.com/reviews/sha_kh01.shtml]]
 http://www.moviehabit.com/photos/shallow_hal_150.jpg

One night, in a sleepy one-horse town, a huge chemical plant suddenly exploded into flames. The alarm went off and departments from miles around raced to the scene. After the fire had been fought for over an hour without managing to gain any ground, the chemical company president told the fire chief: "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I personally will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!"

At that, the firemen attacked with a renewed gusto ... but two hours later they could not gain any ground. The company president doubled his reward, to $100,000, but it seemed that the fire was just too entrenched and too stubborn and too dangerous.

In the distance, the wail of yet another siren was heard: and soon another fire truck came into sight. The fire chief shook his head, aware it was the little local rinky-dink volunteer fire company, composed entirely of men over 65 years of age. Yet much to his amazement, the newly-arrived fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove right into the heart of the inferno. He watched in terror and disbelief as the old timers quickly hopped off their rig, fighting the fire with an effort that he had never before witnessed.

Less than an hour later, the fire was out and the secret formulas had been saved by this group of volunteers. The chemical company president was so ecstatic he doubled the reward to $200,000! After thanking the volunteers again and again, the chemical company president couldn't help but ask what they planned to do with the reward money.

The driver of the fire engine looked him tight in the eye: "First thing we will do is fix the brakes on this truck."

<html><object width="464" height="392"><param name="movie" value="http://embed.break.com/MzE1NjY4"></param><embed src="http://embed.break.com/MzE1NjY4" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="464" height="392"></embed></object><br><font size=1><a href="http://www.break.com/index/first-date-honest-answers.html">First Date Honest Answers</a> - Watch more <a href="http://www.break.com/">free videos</a></font></html>
!First date with honest answers
At last a video that explains what people mean when out on a first date. 
I mean..what other people mean, not me. Really honey, I meant all those things I said to you. I did first notice your eyes.

At long last I have figured out what the folks with the fish symbol on their car are trying to tell me: "Yeah, I cut you off, but it's OK. God forgives me."

Also see: [[Only on Sunday]] and [[Christian Bumper Sticker]]

<html><object width="400" height="327"><param name="movie" value="http://content3.porkolt.com/miniplayer/player.swf?parameters=http://datas3.porkolt.com/datas/10677"></param><param name="bgcolor" value="#000000" /><embed src="http://content3.porkolt.com/miniplayer/player.swf?parameters=http://datas3.porkolt.com/datas/10677" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="400" height="327"></embed></object></html> 
!Flashdance Beer Commercial 
Never lose sight of your dream.

/***
|Name|FontSizePlugin|
|Created by|SaqImtiaz|
|Location|http://tw.lewcid.org/#FontSizePlugin|
|Version|1.0|
|Requires|~TW2.x|
!Description:
Resize tiddler text on the fly. The text size is remembered between sessions by use of a cookie.
You can customize the maximum and minimum allowed sizes.
(only affects tiddler content text, not any other text)

Also, you can load a TW file with a font-size specified in the url.
Eg: http://tw.lewcid.org/#font:110

!Demo:
Try using the font-size buttons in the sidebar, or in the MainMenu above.

!Installation:
Copy the contents of this tiddler to your TW, tag with systemConfig, save and reload your TW.
Then put {{{<<fontSize "font-size:">>}}} in your SideBarOptions tiddler, or anywhere else that you might like.

!Usage
{{{<<fontSize>>}}} results in <<fontSize>>
{{{<<fontSize font-size: >>}}} results in <<fontSize font-size:>>

!Customizing:
The buttons and prefix text are wrapped in a span with class fontResizer, for easy css styling.
To change the default font-size, and the maximum and minimum font-size allowed, edit the config.fontSize.settings section of the code below.

!Notes:
This plugin assumes that the initial font-size is 100% and then increases or decreases the size by 10%. This stepsize of 10% can also be customized.

!History:
*27-07-06, version 1.0 : prevented double clicks from triggering editing of containing tiddler.
*25-07-06,  version 0.9

!Code
***/

//{{{
config.fontSize={};

//configuration settings
config.fontSize.settings =
{
            defaultSize : 100,  // all sizes in %
            maxSize : 200,
            minSize : 40,
            stepSize : 10
};

//startup code
var fontSettings = config.fontSize.settings;

if (!config.options.txtFontSize)
            {config.options.txtFontSize = fontSettings.defaultSize;
            saveOptionCookie("txtFontSize");}
setStylesheet(".tiddler .viewer {font-size:"+config.options.txtFontSize+"%;}\n","fontResizerStyles");
setStylesheet("#contentWrapper .fontResizer .button {display:inline;font-size:105%; font-weight:bold; margin:0 1px; padding: 0 3px; text-align:center !important;}\n .fontResizer {margin:0 0.5em;}","fontResizerButtonStyles");

//macro
config.macros.fontSize={};
config.macros.fontSize.handler = function (place,macroName,params,wikifier,paramString,tiddler)
{

               var sp = createTiddlyElement(place,"span",null,"fontResizer");
               sp.ondblclick=this.onDblClick;
               if (params[0])
                           createTiddlyText(sp,params[0]);
               createTiddlyButton(sp,"+","increase font-size",this.incFont);
               createTiddlyButton(sp,"=","reset font-size",this.resetFont);
               createTiddlyButton(sp,"–","decrease font-size",this.decFont);
}

config.macros.fontSize.onDblClick = function (e)
{
             if (!e) var e = window.event;
             e.cancelBubble = true;
             if (e.stopPropagation) e.stopPropagation();
             return false;
}

config.macros.fontSize.setFont = function ()
{
               saveOptionCookie("txtFontSize");
               setStylesheet(".tiddler .viewer {font-size:"+config.options.txtFontSize+"%;}\n","fontResizerStyles");
}

config.macros.fontSize.incFont=function()
{
               if (config.options.txtFontSize < fontSettings.maxSize)
                  config.options.txtFontSize = (config.options.txtFontSize*1)+fontSettings.stepSize;
               config.macros.fontSize.setFont();
}

config.macros.fontSize.decFont=function()
{

               if (config.options.txtFontSize > fontSettings.minSize)
                  config.options.txtFontSize = (config.options.txtFontSize*1) - fontSettings.stepSize;
               config.macros.fontSize.setFont();
}

config.macros.fontSize.resetFont=function()
{

               config.options.txtFontSize=fontSettings.defaultSize;
               config.macros.fontSize.setFont();
}

config.paramifiers.font =
{
               onstart: function(v)
                  {
                   config.options.txtFontSize = v;
                   config.macros.fontSize.setFont();
                  }
};
//}}}

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.metacafe.co.il&playerVars=blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http%3A%2F%2Falmostporn.net"  src="http://www.metacafe.co.il/fplayer/780260/football_boobs.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"> </embed><br /><font size="1"><a href="http://www.metacafe.co.il/watch/780260/football_boobs/">Football Boobs</a></font></html>
!Football Boobs
Everyone has a fantasy, and getting your hands on this set of footballs just might be yours. But there is a part of me that says telling a girl you want to put your face between her pigskins and play motorboat is not going to score you any points, no matter how big of a St. Louis Rams fan she is. On the other hand if her boobs feel like footballs, why the hell are you still there? Go out and find a real woman.

/***
|''Name:''|ForEachTiddlerPlugin|
|''Version:''|1.0.8 (2007-04-12)|
|''Source:''|http://tiddlywiki.abego-software.de/#ForEachTiddlerPlugin|
|''Author:''|UdoBorkowski (ub [at] abego-software [dot] de)|
|''Licence:''|[[BSD open source license (abego Software)|http://www.abego-software.de/legal/apl-v10.html]]|
|''Copyright:''|&copy; 2005-2007 [[abego Software|http://www.abego-software.de]]|
|''TiddlyWiki:''|1.2.38+, 2.0|
|''Browser:''|Firefox 1.0.4+; Firefox 1.5; InternetExplorer 6.0|
!Description

Create customizable lists, tables etc. for your selections of tiddlers. Specify the tiddlers to include and their order through a powerful language.

''Syntax:'' 
|>|{{{<<}}}''forEachTiddler'' [''in'' //tiddlyWikiPath//] [''where'' //whereCondition//] [''sortBy'' //sortExpression// [''ascending'' //or// ''descending'']] [''script'' //scriptText//] [//action// [//actionParameters//]]{{{>>}}}|
|//tiddlyWikiPath//|The filepath to the TiddlyWiki the macro should work on. When missing the current TiddlyWiki is used.|
|//whereCondition//|(quoted) JavaScript boolean expression. May refer to the build-in variables {{{tiddler}}} and  {{{context}}}.|
|//sortExpression//|(quoted) JavaScript expression returning "comparable" objects (using '{{{<}}}','{{{>}}}','{{{==}}}'. May refer to the build-in variables {{{tiddler}}} and  {{{context}}}.|
|//scriptText//|(quoted) JavaScript text. Typically defines JavaScript functions that are called by the various JavaScript expressions (whereClause, sortClause, action arguments,...)|
|//action//|The action that should be performed on every selected tiddler, in the given order. By default the actions [[addToList|AddToListAction]] and [[write|WriteAction]] are supported. When no action is specified [[addToList|AddToListAction]]  is used.|
|//actionParameters//|(action specific) parameters the action may refer while processing the tiddlers (see action descriptions for details). <<tiddler [[JavaScript in actionParameters]]>>|
|>|~~Syntax formatting: Keywords in ''bold'', optional parts in [...]. 'or' means that exactly one of the two alternatives must exist.~~|

See details see [[ForEachTiddlerMacro]] and [[ForEachTiddlerExamples]].

!Revision history
* v1.0.8 (2007-04-12)
** Adapted to latest TiddlyWiki 2.2 Beta importTiddlyWiki API (introduced with changeset 2004). TiddlyWiki 2.2 Beta builds prior to changeset 2004 are no longer supported (but TiddlyWiki 2.1 and earlier, of cause)
* v1.0.7 (2007-03-28)
** Also support "pre" formatted TiddlyWikis (introduced with TW 2.2) (when using "in" clause to work on external tiddlers)
* v1.0.6 (2006-09-16)
** Context provides "viewerTiddler", i.e. the tiddler used to view the macro. Most times this is equal to the "inTiddler", but when using the "tiddler" macro both may be different.
** Support "begin", "end" and "none" expressions in "write" action
* v1.0.5 (2006-02-05)
** Pass tiddler containing the macro with wikify, context object also holds reference to tiddler containing the macro ("inTiddler"). Thanks to SimonBaird.
** Support Firefox 1.5.0.1
** Internal
*** Make "JSLint" conform
*** "Only install once"
* v1.0.4 (2006-01-06)
** Support TiddlyWiki 2.0
* v1.0.3 (2005-12-22)
** Features: 
*** Write output to a file supports multi-byte environments (Thanks to Bram Chen) 
*** Provide API to access the forEachTiddler functionality directly through JavaScript (see getTiddlers and performMacro)
** Enhancements:
*** Improved error messages on InternetExplorer.
* v1.0.2 (2005-12-10)
** Features: 
*** context object also holds reference to store (TiddlyWiki)
** Fixed Bugs: 
*** ForEachTiddler 1.0.1 has broken support on win32 Opera 8.51 (Thanks to BrunoSabin for reporting)
* v1.0.1 (2005-12-08)
** Features: 
*** Access tiddlers stored in separated TiddlyWikis through the "in" option. I.e. you are no longer limited to only work on the "current TiddlyWiki".
*** Write output to an external file using the "toFile" option of the "write" action. With this option you may write your customized tiddler exports.
*** Use the "script" section to define "helper" JavaScript functions etc. to be used in the various JavaScript expressions (whereClause, sortClause, action arguments,...).
*** Access and store context information for the current forEachTiddler invocation (through the build-in "context" object) .
*** Improved script evaluation (for where/sort clause and write scripts).
* v1.0.0 (2005-11-20)
** initial version

!Code
***/
//{{{

	
//============================================================================
//============================================================================
//		   ForEachTiddlerPlugin
//============================================================================
//============================================================================

// Only install once
if (!version.extensions.ForEachTiddlerPlugin) {

if (!window.abego) window.abego = {};

version.extensions.ForEachTiddlerPlugin = {
	major: 1, minor: 0, revision: 8, 
	date: new Date(2007,3,12), 
	source: "http://tiddlywiki.abego-software.de/#ForEachTiddlerPlugin",
	licence: "[[BSD open source license (abego Software)|http://www.abego-software.de/legal/apl-v10.html]]",
	copyright: "Copyright (c) abego Software GmbH, 2005-2007 (www.abego-software.de)"
};

// For backward compatibility with TW 1.2.x
//
if (!TiddlyWiki.prototype.forEachTiddler) {
	TiddlyWiki.prototype.forEachTiddler = function(callback) {
		for(var t in this.tiddlers) {
			callback.call(this,t,this.tiddlers[t]);
		}
	};
}

//============================================================================
// forEachTiddler Macro
//============================================================================

version.extensions.forEachTiddler = {
	major: 1, minor: 0, revision: 8, date: new Date(2007,3,12), provider: "http://tiddlywiki.abego-software.de"};

// ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
// Configurations and constants 
// ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

config.macros.forEachTiddler = {
	 // Standard Properties
	 label: "forEachTiddler",
	 prompt: "Perform actions on a (sorted) selection of tiddlers",

	 // actions
	 actions: {
		 addToList: {},
		 write: {}
	 }
};

// ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
//  The forEachTiddler Macro Handler 
// ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

config.macros.forEachTiddler.getContainingTiddler = function(e) {
	while(e && !hasClass(e,"tiddler"))
		e = e.parentNode;
	var title = e ? e.getAttribute("tiddler") : null; 
	return title ? store.getTiddler(title) : null;
};

config.macros.forEachTiddler.handler = function(place,macroName,params,wikifier,paramString,tiddler) {
	// config.macros.forEachTiddler.traceMacroCall(place,macroName,params,wikifier,paramString,tiddler);

	if (!tiddler) tiddler = config.macros.forEachTiddler.getContainingTiddler(place);
	// --- Parsing ------------------------------------------

	var i = 0; // index running over the params
	// Parse the "in" clause
	var tiddlyWikiPath = undefined;
	if ((i < params.length) && params[i] == "in") {
		i++;
		if (i >= params.length) {
			this.handleError(place, "TiddlyWiki path expected behind 'in'.");
			return;
		}
		tiddlyWikiPath = this.paramEncode((i < params.length) ? params[i] : "");
		i++;
	}

	// Parse the where clause
	var whereClause ="true";
	if ((i < params.length) && params[i] == "where") {
		i++;
		whereClause = this.paramEncode((i < params.length) ? params[i] : "");
		i++;
	}

	// Parse the sort stuff
	var sortClause = null;
	var sortAscending = true; 
	if ((i < params.length) && params[i] == "sortBy") {
		i++;
		if (i >= params.length) {
			this.handleError(place, "sortClause missing behind 'sortBy'.");
			return;
		}
		sortClause = this.paramEncode(params[i]);
		i++;

		if ((i < params.length) && (params[i] == "ascending" || params[i] == "descending")) {
			 sortAscending = params[i] == "ascending";
			 i++;
		}
	}

	// Parse the script
	var scriptText = null;
	if ((i < params.length) && params[i] == "script") {
		i++;
		scriptText = this.paramEncode((i < params.length) ? params[i] : "");
		i++;
	}

	// Parse the action. 
	// When we are already at the end use the default action
	var actionName = "addToList";
	if (i < params.length) {
	   if (!config.macros.forEachTiddler.actions[params[i]]) {
			this.handleError(place, "Unknown action '"+params[i]+"'.");
			return;
		} else {
			actionName = params[i]; 
			i++;
		}
	} 
	
	// Get the action parameter
	// (the parsing is done inside the individual action implementation.)
	var actionParameter = params.slice(i);


	// --- Processing ------------------------------------------
	try {
		this.performMacro({
				place: place, 
				inTiddler: tiddler,
				whereClause: whereClause, 
				sortClause: sortClause, 
				sortAscending: sortAscending, 
				actionName: actionName, 
				actionParameter: actionParameter, 
				scriptText: scriptText, 
				tiddlyWikiPath: tiddlyWikiPath});

	} catch (e) {
		this.handleError(place, e);
	}
};

// Returns an object with properties "tiddlers" and "context".
// tiddlers holds the (sorted) tiddlers selected by the parameter,
// context the context of the execution of the macro.
//
// The action is not yet performed.
//
// @parameter see performMacro
//
config.macros.forEachTiddler.getTiddlersAndContext = function(parameter) {

	var context = config.macros.forEachTiddler.createContext(parameter.place, parameter.whereClause, parameter.sortClause, parameter.sortAscending, parameter.actionName, parameter.actionParameter, parameter.scriptText, parameter.tiddlyWikiPath, parameter.inTiddler);

	var tiddlyWiki = parameter.tiddlyWikiPath ? this.loadTiddlyWiki(parameter.tiddlyWikiPath) : store;
	context["tiddlyWiki"] = tiddlyWiki;
	
	// Get the tiddlers, as defined by the whereClause
	var tiddlers = this.findTiddlers(parameter.whereClause, context, tiddlyWiki);
	context["tiddlers"] = tiddlers;

	// Sort the tiddlers, when sorting is required.
	if (parameter.sortClause) {
		this.sortTiddlers(tiddlers, parameter.sortClause, parameter.sortAscending, context);
	}

	return {tiddlers: tiddlers, context: context};
};

// Returns the (sorted) tiddlers selected by the parameter.
//
// The action is not yet performed.
//
// @parameter see performMacro
//
config.macros.forEachTiddler.getTiddlers = function(parameter) {
	return this.getTiddlersAndContext(parameter).tiddlers;
};

// Performs the macros with the given parameter.
//
// @param parameter holds the parameter of the macro as separate properties.
//				  The following properties are supported:
//
//						place
//						whereClause
//						sortClause
//						sortAscending
//						actionName
//						actionParameter
//						scriptText
//						tiddlyWikiPath
//
//					All properties are optional. 
//					For most actions the place property must be defined.
//
config.macros.forEachTiddler.performMacro = function(parameter) {
	var tiddlersAndContext = this.getTiddlersAndContext(parameter);

	// Perform the action
	var actionName = parameter.actionName ? parameter.actionName : "addToList";
	var action = config.macros.forEachTiddler.actions[actionName];
	if (!action) {
		this.handleError(parameter.place, "Unknown action '"+actionName+"'.");
		return;
	}

	var actionHandler = action.handler;
	actionHandler(parameter.place, tiddlersAndContext.tiddlers, parameter.actionParameter, tiddlersAndContext.context);
};

// ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
//  The actions 
// ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

// Internal.
//
// --- The addToList Action -----------------------------------------------
//
config.macros.forEachTiddler.actions.addToList.handler = function(place, tiddlers, parameter, context) {
	// Parse the parameter
	var p = 0;

	// Check for extra parameters
	if (parameter.length > p) {
		config.macros.forEachTiddler.createExtraParameterErrorElement(place, "addToList", parameter, p);
		return;
	}

	// Perform the action.
	var list = document.createElement("ul");
	place.appendChild(list);
	for (var i = 0; i < tiddlers.length; i++) {
		var tiddler = tiddlers[i];
		var listItem = document.createElement("li");
		list.appendChild(listItem);
		createTiddlyLink(listItem, tiddler.title, true);
	}
};

abego.parseNamedParameter = function(name, parameter, i) {
	var beginExpression = null;
	if ((i < parameter.length) && parameter[i] == name) {
		i++;
		if (i >= parameter.length) {
			throw "Missing text behind '%0'".format([name]);
		}
		
		return config.macros.forEachTiddler.paramEncode(parameter[i]);
	}
	return null;
}

// Internal.
//
// --- The write Action ---------------------------------------------------
//
config.macros.forEachTiddler.actions.write.handler = function(place, tiddlers, parameter, context) {
	// Parse the parameter
	var p = 0;
	if (p >= parameter.length) {
		this.handleError(place, "Missing expression behind 'write'.");
		return;
	}

	var textExpression = config.macros.forEachTiddler.paramEncode(parameter[p]);
	p++;

	// Parse the "begin" option
	var beginExpression = abego.parseNamedParameter("begin", parameter, p);
	if (beginExpression !== null) 
		p += 2;
	var endExpression = abego.parseNamedParameter("end", parameter, p);
	if (endExpression !== null) 
		p += 2;
	var noneExpression = abego.parseNamedParameter("none", parameter, p);
	if (noneExpression !== null) 
		p += 2;

	// Parse the "toFile" option
	var filename = null;
	var lineSeparator = undefined;
	if ((p < parameter.length) && parameter[p] == "toFile") {
		p++;
		if (p >= parameter.length) {
			this.handleError(place, "Filename expected behind 'toFile' of 'write' action.");
			return;
		}
		
		filename = config.macros.forEachTiddler.getLocalPath(config.macros.forEachTiddler.paramEncode(parameter[p]));
		p++;
		if ((p < parameter.length) && parameter[p] == "withLineSeparator") {
			p++;
			if (p >= parameter.length) {
				this.handleError(place, "Line separator text expected behind 'withLineSeparator' of 'write' action.");
				return;
			}
			lineSeparator = config.macros.forEachTiddler.paramEncode(parameter[p]);
			p++;
		}
	}
	
	// Check for extra parameters
	if (parameter.length > p) {
		config.macros.forEachTiddler.createExtraParameterErrorElement(place, "write", parameter, p);
		return;
	}

	// Perform the action.
	var func = config.macros.forEachTiddler.getEvalTiddlerFunction(textExpression, context);
	var count = tiddlers.length;
	var text = "";
	if (count > 0 && beginExpression)
		text += config.macros.forEachTiddler.getEvalTiddlerFunction(beginExpression, context)(undefined, context, count, undefined);
	
	for (var i = 0; i < count; i++) {
		var tiddler = tiddlers[i];
		text += func(tiddler, context, count, i);
	}
	
	if (count > 0 && endExpression)
		text += config.macros.forEachTiddler.getEvalTiddlerFunction(endExpression, context)(undefined, context, count, undefined);

	if (count == 0 && noneExpression) 
		text += config.macros.forEachTiddler.getEvalTiddlerFunction(noneExpression, context)(undefined, context, count, undefined);
		

	if (filename) {
		if (lineSeparator !== undefined) {
			lineSeparator = lineSeparator.replace(/\\n/mg, "\n").replace(/\\r/mg, "\r");
			text = text.replace(/\n/mg,lineSeparator);
		}
		saveFile(filename, convertUnicodeToUTF8(text));
	} else {
		var wrapper = createTiddlyElement(place, "span");
		wikify(text, wrapper, null/* highlightRegExp */, context.inTiddler);
	}
};


// ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
//  Helpers
// ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

// Internal.
//
config.macros.forEachTiddler.createContext = function(placeParam, whereClauseParam, sortClauseParam, sortAscendingParam, actionNameParam, actionParameterParam, scriptText, tiddlyWikiPathParam, inTiddlerParam) {
	return {
		place : placeParam, 
		whereClause : whereClauseParam, 
		sortClause : sortClauseParam, 
		sortAscending : sortAscendingParam, 
		script : scriptText,
		actionName : actionNameParam, 
		actionParameter : actionParameterParam,
		tiddlyWikiPath : tiddlyWikiPathParam,
		inTiddler : inTiddlerParam, // the tiddler containing the <<forEachTiddler ...>> macro call.
		viewerTiddler : config.macros.forEachTiddler.getContainingTiddler(placeParam) // the tiddler showing the forEachTiddler result
	};
};

// Internal.
//
// Returns a TiddlyWiki with the tiddlers loaded from the TiddlyWiki of 
// the given path.
//
config.macros.forEachTiddler.loadTiddlyWiki = function(path, idPrefix) {
	if (!idPrefix) {
		idPrefix = "store";
	}
	var lenPrefix = idPrefix.length;
	
	// Read the content of the given file
	var content = loadFile(this.getLocalPath(path));
	if(content === null) {
		throw "TiddlyWiki '"+path+"' not found.";
	}
	
	var tiddlyWiki = new TiddlyWiki();

	// Starting with TW 2.2 there is a helper function to import the tiddlers
	if (tiddlyWiki.importTiddlyWiki) {
		if (!tiddlyWiki.importTiddlyWiki(content))
			throw "File '"+path+"' is not a TiddlyWiki.";
		tiddlyWiki.dirty = false;
		return tiddlyWiki;
	}
	
	// The legacy code, for TW < 2.2
	
	// Locate the storeArea div's
	var posOpeningDiv = content.indexOf(startSaveArea);
	var posClosingDiv = content.lastIndexOf(endSaveArea);
	if((posOpeningDiv == -1) || (posClosingDiv == -1)) {
		throw "File '"+path+"' is not a TiddlyWiki.";
	}
	var storageText = content.substr(posOpeningDiv + startSaveArea.length, posClosingDiv);
	
	// Create a "div" element that contains the storage text
	var myStorageDiv = document.createElement("div");
	myStorageDiv.innerHTML = storageText;
	myStorageDiv.normalize();
	
	// Create all tiddlers in a new TiddlyWiki
	// (following code is modified copy of TiddlyWiki.prototype.loadFromDiv)
	var store = myStorageDiv.childNodes;
	for(var t = 0; t < store.length; t++) {
		var e = store[t];
		var title = null;
		if(e.getAttribute)
			title = e.getAttribute("tiddler");
		if(!title && e.id && e.id.substr(0,lenPrefix) == idPrefix)
			title = e.id.substr(lenPrefix);
		if(title && title !== "") {
			var tiddler = tiddlyWiki.createTiddler(title);
			tiddler.loadFromDiv(e,title);
		}
	}
	tiddlyWiki.dirty = false;

	return tiddlyWiki;
};


	
// Internal.
//
// Returns a function that has a function body returning the given javaScriptExpression.
// The function has the parameters:
// 
//	 (tiddler, context, count, index)
//
config.macros.forEachTiddler.getEvalTiddlerFunction = function (javaScriptExpression, context) {
	var script = context["script"];
	var functionText = "var theFunction = function(tiddler, context, count, index) { return "+javaScriptExpression+"}";
	var fullText = (script ? script+";" : "")+functionText+";theFunction;";
	return eval(fullText);
};

// Internal.
//
config.macros.forEachTiddler.findTiddlers = function(whereClause, context, tiddlyWiki) {
	var result = [];
	var func = config.macros.forEachTiddler.getEvalTiddlerFunction(whereClause, context);
	tiddlyWiki.forEachTiddler(function(title,tiddler) {
		if (func(tiddler, context, undefined, undefined)) {
			result.push(tiddler);
		}
	});
	return result;
};

// Internal.
//
config.macros.forEachTiddler.createExtraParameterErrorElement = function(place, actionName, parameter, firstUnusedIndex) {
	var message = "Extra parameter behind '"+actionName+"':";
	for (var i = firstUnusedIndex; i < parameter.length; i++) {
		message += " "+parameter[i];
	}
	this.handleError(place, message);
};

// Internal.
//
config.macros.forEachTiddler.sortAscending = function(tiddlerA, tiddlerB) {
	var result = 
		(tiddlerA.forEachTiddlerSortValue == tiddlerB.forEachTiddlerSortValue) 
			? 0
			: (tiddlerA.forEachTiddlerSortValue < tiddlerB.forEachTiddlerSortValue)
			   ? -1 
			   : +1; 
	return result;
};

// Internal.
//
config.macros.forEachTiddler.sortDescending = function(tiddlerA, tiddlerB) {
	var result = 
		(tiddlerA.forEachTiddlerSortValue == tiddlerB.forEachTiddlerSortValue) 
			? 0
			: (tiddlerA.forEachTiddlerSortValue < tiddlerB.forEachTiddlerSortValue)
			   ? +1 
			   : -1; 
	return result;
};

// Internal.
//
config.macros.forEachTiddler.sortTiddlers = function(tiddlers, sortClause, ascending, context) {
	// To avoid evaluating the sortClause whenever two items are compared 
	// we pre-calculate the sortValue for every item in the array and store it in a 
	// temporary property ("forEachTiddlerSortValue") of the tiddlers.
	var func = config.macros.forEachTiddler.getEvalTiddlerFunction(sortClause, context);
	var count = tiddlers.length;
	var i;
	for (i = 0; i < count; i++) {
		var tiddler = tiddlers[i];
		tiddler.forEachTiddlerSortValue = func(tiddler,context, undefined, undefined);
	}

	// Do the sorting
	tiddlers.sort(ascending ? this.sortAscending : this.sortDescending);

	// Delete the temporary property that holds the sortValue.	
	for (i = 0; i < tiddlers.length; i++) {
		delete tiddlers[i].forEachTiddlerSortValue;
	}
};


// Internal.
//
config.macros.forEachTiddler.trace = function(message) {
	displayMessage(message);
};

// Internal.
//
config.macros.forEachTiddler.traceMacroCall = function(place,macroName,params) {
	var message ="<<"+macroName;
	for (var i = 0; i < params.length; i++) {
		message += " "+params[i];
	}
	message += ">>";
	displayMessage(message);
};


// Internal.
//
// Creates an element that holds an error message
// 
config.macros.forEachTiddler.createErrorElement = function(place, exception) {
	var message = (exception.description) ? exception.description : exception.toString();
	return createTiddlyElement(place,"span",null,"forEachTiddlerError","<<forEachTiddler ...>>: "+message);
};

// Internal.
//
// @param place [may be null]
//
config.macros.forEachTiddler.handleError = function(place, exception) {
	if (place) {
		this.createErrorElement(place, exception);
	} else {
		throw exception;
	}
};

// Internal.
//
// Encodes the given string.
//
// Replaces 
//	 "$))" to ">>"
//	 "$)" to ">"
//
config.macros.forEachTiddler.paramEncode = function(s) {
	var reGTGT = new RegExp("\\$\\)\\)","mg");
	var reGT = new RegExp("\\$\\)","mg");
	return s.replace(reGTGT, ">>").replace(reGT, ">");
};

// Internal.
//
// Returns the given original path (that is a file path, starting with "file:")
// as a path to a local file, in the systems native file format.
//
// Location information in the originalPath (i.e. the "#" and stuff following)
// is stripped.
// 
config.macros.forEachTiddler.getLocalPath = function(originalPath) {
	// Remove any location part of the URL
	var hashPos = originalPath.indexOf("#");
	if(hashPos != -1)
		originalPath = originalPath.substr(0,hashPos);
	// Convert to a native file format assuming
	// "file:///x:/path/path/path..." - pc local file --> "x:\path\path\path..."
	// "file://///server/share/path/path/path..." - FireFox pc network file --> "\\server\share\path\path\path..."
	// "file:///path/path/path..." - mac/unix local file --> "/path/path/path..."
	// "file://server/share/path/path/path..." - pc network file --> "\\server\share\path\path\path..."
	var localPath;
	if(originalPath.charAt(9) == ":") // pc local file
		localPath = unescape(originalPath.substr(8)).replace(new RegExp("/","g"),"\\");
	else if(originalPath.indexOf("file://///") === 0) // FireFox pc network file
		localPath = "\\\\" + unescape(originalPath.substr(10)).replace(new RegExp("/","g"),"\\");
	else if(originalPath.indexOf("file:///") === 0) // mac/unix local file
		localPath = unescape(originalPath.substr(7));
	else if(originalPath.indexOf("file:/") === 0) // mac/unix local file
		localPath = unescape(originalPath.substr(5));
	else // pc network file
		localPath = "\\\\" + unescape(originalPath.substr(7)).replace(new RegExp("/","g"),"\\");	
	return localPath;
};

// ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
// Stylesheet Extensions (may be overridden by local StyleSheet)
// ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
//
setStylesheet(
	".forEachTiddlerError{color: #ffffff;background-color: #880000;}",
	"forEachTiddler");

//============================================================================
// End of forEachTiddler Macro
//============================================================================


//============================================================================
// String.startsWith Function
//============================================================================
//
// Returns true if the string starts with the given prefix, false otherwise.
//
version.extensions["String.startsWith"] = {major: 1, minor: 0, revision: 0, date: new Date(2005,11,20), provider: "http://tiddlywiki.abego-software.de"};
//
String.prototype.startsWith = function(prefix) {
	var n =  prefix.length;
	return (this.length >= n) && (this.slice(0, n) == prefix);
};



//============================================================================
// String.endsWith Function
//============================================================================
//
// Returns true if the string ends with the given suffix, false otherwise.
//
version.extensions["String.endsWith"] = {major: 1, minor: 0, revision: 0, date: new Date(2005,11,20), provider: "http://tiddlywiki.abego-software.de"};
//
String.prototype.endsWith = function(suffix) {
	var n = suffix.length;
	return (this.length >= n) && (this.right(n) == suffix);
};


//============================================================================
// String.contains Function
//============================================================================
//
// Returns true when the string contains the given substring, false otherwise.
//
version.extensions["String.contains"] = {major: 1, minor: 0, revision: 0, date: new Date(2005,11,20), provider: "http://tiddlywiki.abego-software.de"};
//
String.prototype.contains = function(substring) {
	return this.indexOf(substring) >= 0;
};

//============================================================================
// Array.indexOf Function
//============================================================================
//
// Returns the index of the first occurance of the given item in the array or 
// -1 when no such item exists.
//
// @param item [may be null]
//
version.extensions["Array.indexOf"] = {major: 1, minor: 0, revision: 0, date: new Date(2005,11,20), provider: "http://tiddlywiki.abego-software.de"};
//
Array.prototype.indexOf = function(item) {
	for (var i = 0; i < this.length; i++) {
		if (this[i] == item) {
			return i;
		}
	}
	return -1;
};

//============================================================================
// Array.contains Function
//============================================================================
//
// Returns true when the array contains the given item, otherwise false. 
//
// @param item [may be null]
//
version.extensions["Array.contains"] = {major: 1, minor: 0, revision: 0, date: new Date(2005,11,20), provider: "http://tiddlywiki.abego-software.de"};
//
Array.prototype.contains = function(item) {
	return (this.indexOf(item) >= 0);
};

//============================================================================
// Array.containsAny Function
//============================================================================
//
// Returns true when the array contains at least one of the elements 
// of the item. Otherwise (or when items contains no elements) false is returned.
//
version.extensions["Array.containsAny"] = {major: 1, minor: 0, revision: 0, date: new Date(2005,11,20), provider: "http://tiddlywiki.abego-software.de"};
//
Array.prototype.containsAny = function(items) {
	for(var i = 0; i < items.length; i++) {
		if (this.contains(items[i])) {
			return true;
		}
	}
	return false;
};


//============================================================================
// Array.containsAll Function
//============================================================================
//
// Returns true when the array contains all the items, otherwise false.
// 
// When items is null false is returned (even if the array contains a null).
//
// @param items [may be null] 
//
version.extensions["Array.containsAll"] = {major: 1, minor: 0, revision: 0, date: new Date(2005,11,20), provider: "http://tiddlywiki.abego-software.de"};
//
Array.prototype.containsAll = function(items) {
	for(var i = 0; i < items.length; i++) {
		if (!this.contains(items[i])) {
			return false;
		}
	}
	return true;
};


} // of "install only once"

// Used Globals (for JSLint) ==============
// ... DOM
/*global 	document */
// ... TiddlyWiki Core
/*global 	convertUnicodeToUTF8, createTiddlyElement, createTiddlyLink, 
			displayMessage, endSaveArea, hasClass, loadFile, saveFile, 
			startSaveArea, store, wikify */
//}}}


/***
!Licence and Copyright
Copyright (c) abego Software ~GmbH, 2005 ([[www.abego-software.de|http://www.abego-software.de]])

Redistribution and use in source and binary forms, with or without modification,
are permitted provided that the following conditions are met:

Redistributions of source code must retain the above copyright notice, this
list of conditions and the following disclaimer.

Redistributions in binary form must reproduce the above copyright notice, this
list of conditions and the following disclaimer in the documentation and/or other
materials provided with the distribution.

Neither the name of abego Software nor the names of its contributors may be
used to endorse or promote products derived from this software without specific
prior written permission.

THIS SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED BY THE COPYRIGHT HOLDERS AND CONTRIBUTORS "AS IS" AND ANY
EXPRESS OR IMPLIED WARRANTIES, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES
OF MERCHANTABILITY AND FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE ARE DISCLAIMED. IN NO EVENT
SHALL THE COPYRIGHT OWNER OR CONTRIBUTORS BE LIABLE FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT,
INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, EXEMPLARY, OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES (INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED
TO, PROCUREMENT OF SUBSTITUTE GOODS OR SERVICES; LOSS OF USE, DATA, OR PROFITS; OR
BUSINESS INTERRUPTION) HOWEVER CAUSED AND ON ANY THEORY OF LIABILITY, WHETHER IN
CONTRACT, STRICT LIABILITY, OR TORT (INCLUDING NEGLIGENCE OR OTHERWISE) ARISING IN
ANY WAY OUT OF THE USE OF THIS SOFTWARE, EVEN IF ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
DAMAGE.
***/

<html><span><embed src="http://www.livevideo.com/flvplayer/embed/FC633835579E472A96DC03478BC8201C" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" quality="high" WIDTH="445" HEIGHT="405" wmode="transparent"></embed><br/><a href="http://www.livevideo.com/video/embedLink/FC633835579E472A96DC03478BC8201C/27027/lucky-fluorecent-condoms.aspx">Lucky fluorecent Condoms</a></span></html>

<html>    <div><embed quality="high" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://www.frappr.com/ajax/yvmap.swf" flashvars="host=http://www.frappr.com/&origin=unknown&lo=1&mvid=137439471221" salign="l" align="middle" scale="noscale" width="600" height="400"  ></embed><div style="width:400px;text-align:left;"><a href="http://visitor.frappr.com/?sig=visitor_map&src_mvid=137439471221&origin=unknown" target=_blank><img src="http://frappr.com/i/gyo.gif" border=0/></a><a href="http://www.frappr.com/almostporn?src=flash_map&sig=visitor_map&src_mvid=137439471221&origin=unknown&ct=seemore" target=_blank><img src="http://frappr.com/i/s.gif" border=0/></a><a href="http://www.frappr.com/almostporn?src=flash_map&sig=visitor_map&src_mvid=137439471221&origin=unknown&ct=pendingpins" target=_blank><img src="http://frappr.com/dyn_map/137439460353/origin:unknown/p.gif" border=0/></a><a href="http://www.frappr.com/?a=feedback&type=vm" target=_blank><img src="http://frappr.com/i/h.gif" border=0/></a></div></div></html>
Last time I looked we had 9719 members. I guess there are a lot of people who like to look at almost porn.
.

[<img[http://www.theliberalblogger.com/images/label.jpg]]
This is a clothing label from a small American company that sells their product in France. Here is the translation of the French part of the label.

Wash with warm water.
Use mild soap.
Dry flat.
Do not use bleach.
Do not dry in the dryer.
Do not iron.
We are sorry that our president is an idiot.
We did not vote for him.

Borrowed from: http://www.theliberalblogger.com/

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. Her nameplate identifies her as Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that Kermit will need to secure the loan with some form of collateral.

Kermit says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, only an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and blurts out, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000 and he wants to use *this* as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant.

"I mean, what in the world *is* this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

(Heh. You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, you are...)

<html><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/LlsNOvLqGs4"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/LlsNOvLqGs4" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></html>
!Fu-Ko 02 (Japanese huge boobs)
Like a nice set of pillows that you just want to rest your head on after some really great sex.
[[03|Fu-Ko 03 (Japanese huge boobs)]] - [[04|Fu-Ko 04 (Japanese huge boobs)]]

<html><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/hG2LfTivc6E"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/hG2LfTivc6E" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></html>
!Fu-Ko 03 (Japanese huge boobs)
One of the things I really like about this girl, she doesn't say a thing. Just stands there looking cute. But I bet with a little application of a tongue she'd make some nice noises.
[[02|Fu-Ko 02 (Japanese huge boobs)]] - [[04|Fu-Ko 04 (Japanese huge boobs)]]

<html><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/QVz2NXhR5NY"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/QVz2NXhR5NY" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></html>
!Fu-Ko 04 (Japanese huge boobs)
And at last we find out that she is a P cup. That means that she is 16 inches bigger around the bust then around her chest. Her measurements translate into 49, 25, 36 inches.
A rough translation of what she says "I love having sexy girl's play with my lovely breast. And nothing is funnier to me then watching men walk into objects while they stare at my tits."

[[02|Fu-Ko 02 (Japanese huge boobs)]] - [[03|Fu-Ko 03 (Japanese huge boobs)]]

These people have done the work to prove that they can be trusted to uphold the dignity of AlmostPorn.

<html><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://embed.break.com/Njk1MjA="></param><embed src="http://embed.break.com/Njk1MjA=" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></html>
!Funny Conference Call
The girl in the top left corner can not get the video feed working. While she waits for assistance she removes her bra while everyone else watches on.
Remember, just because you can't see them doesn't mean they can't see you.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/615706/future_queen_of_spain_suprise.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/615706/future_queen_of_spain_suprise/">Future Queen Of Spain - Suprise</a></font></html>
!Future Queen Of Spain panty flash
Guess it shows that even a Princess can have a bad day.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/414240/valentines_day_romancing_the_bride_fuzzy_handcuffs.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/414240/valentines_day_romancing_the_bride_fuzzy_handcuffs/">Valentines Day - Romancing The Bride - Fuzzy HandCuffs - video powered by Metacafe</a></font></html>
!Romancing The Bride - Fuzzy Hand Cuffs
Straight-laced Laura Prepon (Donna on Thats70s Show) gets smashed the night before her wedding and wakes up with more than she bargained for -- specifically, a hot tamale in her bed, Matt Cedeno (Brandon Walker on Days of our Lives) who claims they're hitched! Was it true love that led her to tie the knot, or just some extra potent Mayan moonshine?

Sometimes they will be games to play online, sometimes things to play off line.
Either way it is just our way of helping you live up to your claim to be a ''//playa'//''

<html><span><embed src="http://www.livevideo.com/flvplayer/embed/8FC1C073ACAD458DA9D92E35F683AD0D" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" quality="high" WIDTH="445" HEIGHT="405" wmode="transparent"></embed><br/><a href="http://www.livevideo.com/video/embedLink/8FC1C073ACAD458DA9D92E35F683AD0D/29266/get-naked.aspx">Get Naked</a></span></html>
Got to see your body naked!

<html><embed allowScriptAccess="never" allowFullScreen="true"  src="http://grouper.com/mtg/mtgPlayer.swf?v=1.7" width="400" height="325" quality="high" scale="noScale" FlashVars="ap=0&mu=0&rf=-1&vfver=8&extid=-1&extsite=-1&id=1042477&ml=o%3d7%26fk%3dCamWithHer%26fx%3d" wmode="window" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/index.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></html>
!Gieda & Femme in the Bath
Rub-a-dub-dub! Two hot chicks in a tub! Make sure you keep it clean girls. 
Oops, I dropped the soap... again.

<html><object width="800" height="658"><param name="movie" value="http://embed.break.com/MjEzMzU0"></param><embed src="http://embed.break.com/MjEzMzU0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="800" height="658"></embed></object> </html>
!Girl On Girl Lapdance
I think the busty blond in this video is Puma Swede.
What do you think?
[img[http://images.sports.cn/2005/11/29/1535284553.jpg]]

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/541420/girl_with_2_pussies.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/541420/girl_with_2_pussies/">Girl With 2 Pussies!</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>The best video clips are here</a></font></html>
!Girl With 2 Pussies!
Hot girl born with 2 pussies! Amazing! You have to see this to believe it! Most men love it as they can chose to play with one or both of them at the same time, just like she likes to do.
Watch more at gagfilms.com

<html><object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Oas9ceW1jfk&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Oas9ceW1jfk&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object></html>
!Give him wood this Valentine
I love it when a woman gives me wood! What about you?

[img[http://www.secretsoncam.com/image_female69/image-1.jpg][http://www.secretsoncam.com/women69.html]] [img[http://www.secretsoncam.com/image_female69/image-4.jpg][http://www.secretsoncam.com/women69.html]] 
[img[http://www.secretsoncam.com/image_female69/image-6.jpg][http://www.secretsoncam.com/women69.html]] [img[http://www.secretsoncam.com/image_female69/image-5.jpg][http://www.secretsoncam.com/women69.html]]
!Personal Details
Gizel
Height: 5’8”
Bust: 36D
Waist: 24
Hips: 36
Dress: 4
Shoe: 9.5
Hair: Blond
Eyes: Hazel
Location: New York, NY
http://www.myspace.com/nycgizel

<html><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/b2f4heaG288"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/b2f4heaG288" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></html>

A comedy about life in the corporate offices of God. What if all the problems on earth were not caused by a spiteful deity, or karma, or fate, but just office politics and the Peter Principle?

What? You don't know about the Peter Principle? The Peter Principal says that you will keep getting promoted until you are unable, or just barely able, to do your job. Then, rather then your superior actually admitting they made a mistake, they will keep you in that position till you fuck up so badly they can fire you. If you quit and go somewhere else, you will likely try to get a job much like the one you just left, as you have gotten used to the money. Does that incompetent manager who's been there for 10 years now make more sense to you?

[[God, Inc - Episode 1]] - [[God, Inc - Episode 2]] - [[God, Inc - Episode 3]] - [[God, Inc - Episode 4]]
Oh, and you can learn more about it here: http://www.francisstokes.com/. Seems this is going to go to 6 episodes.

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A comedy about life in the corporate offices of God. What if all the problems on earth were not caused by a spiteful deity, or karma, or fate, but just office politics and the Peter Principle?

[[God, Inc - Episode 1]] - [[God, Inc - Episode 2]] - [[God, Inc - Episode 3]] - [[God, Inc - Episode 4]]

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A comedy about life in the corporate offices of God. What if all the problems on earth were not caused by a spiteful deity, or karma, or fate, but just office politics and the Peter Principle?

[[God, Inc - Episode 1]] - [[God, Inc - Episode 2]] - [[God, Inc - Episode 3]] - [[God, Inc - Episode 4]]

<html><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Taf3KI09WFM"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Taf3KI09WFM" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></html>

A comedy about life in the corporate offices of God. What if all the problems on earth were not caused by a spiteful deity, or karma, or fate, but just office politics and the Peter Principle?

[[God, Inc - Episode 1]] - [[God, Inc - Episode 2]] - [[God, Inc - Episode 3]] - [[God, Inc - Episode 4]]

<html><div><object width="425" height="335"><param name="movie" value="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/1SIihUu6eOyd95Tz5"></param><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/1SIihUu6eOyd95Tz5" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="334" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object><br /><b><a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xu4ab_pub-toyota-corolla-air-conditionne">Pub Toyota Corolla (Air Conditionné)</a></b><br /><i>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/glst81">glst81</a></i></div></html>

Once again, why is this not shown in the US?

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/272783/good_advice.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/272783/good_advice/">Good Advice</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>Click here for funny video clips</a></font></html>
!Good Advice for Your Future
Don't take a chance on getting pregnant. Follow her advice to protect your future. All the Promise Keepers will love you for it. Of course if you are really smart you will still use a condom every time. Yes, even if you love them.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=videoTitle=Good Greek Salad|showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/643509/good_greek_salad.swf" width="400" height="345" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/643509/good_greek_salad/">Good Greek Salad</a></html>
!Good Greek Salad
Guy shows that he is very lucky...and dumb, as he repeats his error.

<html><div><embed src="http://www.livevideo.com/flvplayer/embed/AE10C70D48CC4AA1924AD8530CE1FB4E" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" quality="high" WIDTH="800" HEIGHT="600" wmode="transparent"></embed><br/><a href="http://www.livevideo.com/video/embedLink/AE10C70D48CC4AA1924AD8530CE1FB4E/95160/got-milf-.aspx">GOT MILF?</a></div></html>
!Got MILF?
MaKenzie Paris actually looks a lot more like Stacey then Stacey's mom. But the t-shirt is nice. [[Apocalyptic Bob]] has something like it.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows ME, I will send you to the electric chair."

<html><object width="800" height="600"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/UveJo04T5lg"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/UveJo04T5lg" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="800" height="600"></embed></object></html>
!Gravity Plays Favorites
Local ladies, Katherine "Katrina" Sullivan and Michelle Lindsey formerly worked the poles at the St. Louis area Hustler Club together. Now working as ''Gravity Plays Favorites'', they are making a name for themselves nationwide.
[img[http://a852.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/5/l_42ef21a0cceae781db1c7df7822004f3.jpg]]
Their website:http://www.gravityplaysfavorites.com/

A collection of people's names that I have encountered and thought a little odd.
*Amanda Huginfuch
*Harry Cox
*Shirley Will
*Willie Dewit
*Will Fuch
*Anita Hugg

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/414694/greek_cheerleaders.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/414694/greek_cheerleaders/">Greek Cheerleaders - video powered by Metacafe</a></font></html>
!Greek Cheerleaders
Enjoy the Hellenic cheerleaders, Greek Drops, the cheerleaders of the Greek National Basketball team.
Personally I think their outfits are way to big. And who decided to include all those basketball players in this? I only wanted to see the Cheerleaders, and the guys got in the way.

<html><embed src="http://www.livevideo.com/flvplayer/flvplayer.swf?autoStart=0&popup=1&scale_it=1&video=http%3a%2f%2fwww.livevideo.com%2fmedia%2fgetflashvideo.ashx%3fcid%3dC34B2E4A024D45E2B6253E6FBD7F22A8%26rby%3d10882-0%26popup%3d1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" quality="high" WIDTH="445" HEIGHT="405" wmode="transparent"></embed><br/><a target="_new" href="http://www.livevideo.com/video/C34B2E4A024D45E2B6253E6FBD7F22A8/dont+cyber+with+your+sister+by+mistake.aspx">Dont Cyber With Your Sister By Mistake</a></html>
This would be a little embarrassing.
Luckily my sister doesn't have a web cam.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=videoTitle=Somehow Halliburton Can Profit From Zombies |showStats=yes|autoPlay=no|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/760088/somehow_halliburton_can_profit_from_zombies.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/760088/somehow_halliburton_can_profit_from_zombies/">Somehow Halliburton Can Profit From Zombies</a></font></html>
!Halliburton Can Profit From Zombies
OK, as funny as this video is, please keep it in mind next time you see something like "Proof that 9/11 was a hoax" or "Pamela Anderson is a drag queen". Of course if you see "Scarlett Johansson and Angelina Jolie go muff diving", that one is real.

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!Have these breast in large?
No, but she sure has. Poor kid. After making this commercial I understand he had to spend some time in the bathroom....alone.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=no|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/528859/sexy_babe.swf" width="800" height="674" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/528859/sexy_babe/">Sexy Babe!</a></font></html>
!Hawaiian Beach Babe
Wet babe in bikini posing on a Hawaiian beach. She's almost naked which makes it almostporn.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=no|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/158287/tempting_korean_girl.swf" width="800" height="675" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/158287/tempting_korean_girl/">Tempting Korean Girl</a></font></html>
!Head Bobbing Girl
Watch as she takes it all into her mouth. She even channels Paris Hilton for a second there as she stops to answer the phone.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/334704/heads_or_tales.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/334704/heads_or_tales/">Heads Or Tales?</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>Funny videos are here</a></font></html>
!Heads Or Tales? 
A storytelling Scoutmaster is abducted by a collection of bizarre aliens that have evolved with their faces where their genitals should be & vice versa. After wooing the female aliens for 14 months, the Scoutmaster is forced to return home by the disgruntled males of the species... but the Scoutmaster plans to stay! 
Made in Tasmania, Australia by [[Off Planet Films|www.offplanetfilms.com/]]

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<br></html>

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=videoTitle=Help Me With My Bra|showStats=yes|autoPlay=no|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/705978/help_me_with_my_bra.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/705978/help_me_with_my_bra/">Help Me With My Bra</a></font></html>
!Help Me With My Bra
If a lady ask you to do it, would you? Are would you just stand there slack-jawed staring? Do you offer her your shirt, or your hands?

She told me it was her hobbit hole. I figured I wasn't going to argue as it sure fit the description:
>"Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort."
I spent many an hour in her hole after the faire day. Then last year they removed the hobbit hole and replaced it with a merchant booth. 
Seems that the roof was not holding up. 
[[StLouisRenFaire|http://stlrenfaire.com]]

A man and woman had been married for many years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $295,000.

He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

"Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

"Oh," she said, "That's the money I made from selling the dolls."

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/66347/cat_herding.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/66347/cat_herding/">Cat Herding</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>Watch today’s top amazing videos here</a></font></html>
!Herding Cats
You think herding cattle is hard, you should try herding cats.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/413780/hero_love_or.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/413780/hero_love_or/">Hero? Love? Or .. - video powered by Metacafe</a></font></html>
!Hero? Love? Or...
Will she find the one she is looking for?

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!Hold Your Own Boobs
Funny sketch with Sarah Michelle Gellar and Will Ferrell promoting a new magazine devoted to holding boobs.
Now if only someone could conceive of the notion to hold some of the White House boobs accountable...

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!Horny, I'm home!
Warning, this almost never happens. Normally everyone else just wants to join in.

Another insight into why men like to watch Girl on Girl action.
It is porn men can watch and not see anything that might offend them, or even more importantly not see anything that might make them feel like less of a man. There is no moment when he has to compare himself to the other guy.
Then there is the whole 'taboo' thing. We like to be shocked.
That he can fantasize about be able to join in...that is just a bonus.

Also see [[Answers to the great question]]

<html><span><embed src="http://www.livevideo.com/flvplayer/embed/EDCA3F1161D6473AB54BFDD7947B77D8" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" quality="high" WIDTH="445" HEIGHT="405" wmode="transparent"></embed><br/><a href="http://www.livevideo.com/video/embedLink/EDCA3F1161D6473AB54BFDD7947B77D8/29412/Hot+Chicks+for+Bald+Guys.aspx">Hot Chicks for Bald Guys</a></span></html>
No pubic hairs were harmed in the making of this video.

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!Hot Girl Striping
Is there more we really need to say?
And the song is wrong. Good girls act just like this. Bad girls are the one that don't.

<html>
<h1>Hot Girl Wants to Teach You</h1>
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</html>
''Hot Girl Wants to Teach You'' oh so many things.

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!Hot Love
At one point I saw a demonstration of how to use fire in the bedroom. It was not like this. 
I have also had a friend get hot wax pored all over his head due to a candle getting knocked over during some energetic love making.
Lesson to be learned here; Keep the candles away from the bed except when using them for play.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/69639/wet_and_hot.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/69639/wet_and_hot/">Wet And Hot - video powered by Metacafe</a></font></html>
!Hot and Wet Girl
Something nice to do on a hot afternoon; get a hot girl very, very wet.

<html><embed flashVars="playerVars=videoTitle=Hound Dogs - I Like Girls|showStats=no|autoPlay=no|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/83661/hound_dogs_i_like_girls.swf" width="800" height="675" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/83661/hound_dogs_i_like_girls/">Hound Dogs - I Like Girls</a></font></html>
!Hound Dogs - I Like Girls
Just shows that whatever you like is what you like. Even if it is a GILF.
Or a Furry. Some folks like them. No, really they do.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/549376/house_maid.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/549376/house_maid/">House Maid</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>Watch the top videos of the week here</a></font></html>
!House Maid
I think one of these is in my future.

<<top>>
<<toggleSideBar '' '' hide>><<renameButton '>' >> 
<<jump j '' top>> 
<<saveChanges>><<renameButton s 'Save TiddlyWiki'>> 
<<newTiddler>><<renameButton n>>

/***
|Name|HoverMenuPlugin|
|Created by|SaqImtiaz|
|Location|http://tw.lewcid.org/#HoverMenuPlugin|
|Version|1.11|
|Requires|~TW2.x|
!Description:
Provides a hovering menu on the edge of the screen for commonly used commands, that scrolls with the page.

!Demo:
Observe the hovering menu on the right edge of the screen.

!Installation:
Copy the contents of this tiddler to your TW, tag with systemConfig, save and reload your TW.
To customize your HoverMenu, edit the HoverMenu shadow tiddler.

To customize whether the menu sticks to the right or left edge of the screen, and its start position, edit the HoverMenu configuration settings part of the code below. It's well documented, so don't be scared!

The menu has an id of hoverMenu, in case you want to style the buttons in it using css.

!Notes:
Since the default HoverMenu contains buttons for toggling the side bar and jumping to the top of the screen and to open tiddlers, the ToggleSideBarMacro, JumpMacro and the JumpToTopMacro are included in this tiddler, so you dont need to install them separately. Having them installed separately as well could lead to complications.

If you dont intend to use these three macros at all, feel free to remove those sections of code in this tiddler.

!To Do:
* rework code to allow multiple hovering menus in different positions, horizontal etc.
* incorporate code for keyboard shortcuts that correspond to the buttons in the hovermenu

!History:
*03-08-06, ver 1.1.2: compatibility fix with SelectThemePlugin
*03-08-06,  ver 1.11: fixed error with button tooltips
*27-07-06, ver 1.1 : added JumpMacro to hoverMenu
*23-07-06

!Code
***/

/***
start HoverMenu plugin code
***/
//{{{
config.hoverMenu={};
//}}}

/***
HoverMenu configuration settings
***/
//{{{
config.hoverMenu.settings={
               align: 'right',    //align menu to right or left side of screen, possible values are 'right' and 'left'               
               x: 1,              // horizontal distance of menu from side of screen, increase to your liking.
               y: 158            //vertical distance of menu from top of screen at start, increase or decrease to your liking
               };
//}}}

//{{{
//continue HoverMenu plugin code
config.hoverMenu.handler=function()
{              
               if (!document.getElementById("hoverMenu"))
               {
               var theMenu = createTiddlyElement(document.getElementById("contentWrapper"), "div","hoverMenu");
               theMenu.setAttribute("refresh","content");
               theMenu.setAttribute("tiddler","HoverMenu");
               var menuContent = store.getTiddlerText("HoverMenu");
               wikify(menuContent,theMenu);
              }

	       var Xloc = this.settings.x;
	       Yloc =this.settings.y;
	       var ns = (navigator.appName.indexOf("Netscape") != -1);
	       function SetMenu(id)
                        {
		        var GetElements=document.getElementById?document.getElementById(id):document.all?document.all[id]:document.layers[id];
		        if(document.layers)GetElements.style=GetElements;
		        GetElements.sP=function(x,y){this.style[config.hoverMenu.settings.align]=x +"px";this.style.top=y +"px";};
		        GetElements.x = Xloc;
		        GetElements.y = findScrollY();
		        GetElements.y += Yloc;
		        return GetElements;
	                }
               window.LoCate_XY=function()
                        {
		        var pY =  findScrollY();
                        ftlObj.y += (pY + Yloc - ftlObj.y)/15;
		        ftlObj.sP(ftlObj.x, ftlObj.y);
		        setTimeout("LoCate_XY()", 10);
	                }
               ftlObj = SetMenu("hoverMenu");
	       LoCate_XY();
};

window.old_lewcid_hovermenu_restart = restart;
restart = function()
{
               window.old_lewcid_hovermenu_restart();
               config.hoverMenu.handler();
};

setStylesheet(
"#hoverMenu .imgLink, #hoverMenu .imgLink:hover {border:none; padding:0px; float:right; margin-bottom:2px; margin-top:0px;}\n"+
"#hoverMenu  .button, #hoverMenu  .tiddlyLink {border:none; font-weight:bold; background:#18f; color:#FFF; padding:0 5px; float:right; margin-bottom:4px;}\n"+
"#hoverMenu .button:hover, #hoverMenu .tiddlyLink:hover {font-weight:bold; border:none; color:#fff; background:#000; padding:0 5px; float:right; margin-bottom:4px;}\n"+
"#hoverMenu .button {width:100%; text-align:center}"+
"#hoverMenu { position:absolute; width:7px;}\n"+
"\n","hoverMenuStyles");


config.macros.renameButton={};
config.macros.renameButton.handler = function(place,macroName,params,wikifier,paramString,tiddler)
{

               if (place.lastChild.tagName!="BR")
                     {
                      place.lastChild.firstChild.data = params[0];
                      if (params[1]) {place.lastChild.title = params[1];}
                     }
};

config.shadowTiddlers["HoverMenu"]="<<top>>\n<<toggleSideBar>><<renameButton '>' >>\n<<jump j '' top>>\n<<saveChanges>><<renameButton s 'Save TiddlyWiki'>>\n<<newTiddler>><<renameButton n>>\n";
//}}}
//end HoverMenu plugin code

//Start ToggleSideBarMacro code
//{{{
config.macros.toggleSideBar={};

config.macros.toggleSideBar.settings={
         styleHide :  "#sidebar { display: none;}\n"+"#contentWrapper #displayArea { margin-right: 1em;}\n"+"",
         styleShow : " ",
         arrow1: "«",
         arrow2: "»"
};

config.macros.toggleSideBar.handler=function (place,macroName,params,wikifier,paramString,tiddler)
{
          var tooltip= params[1]||'toggle sidebar';
          var mode = (params[2] && params[2]=="hide")? "hide":"show";
          var arrow = (mode == "hide")? this.settings.arrow1:this.settings.arrow2;
          var label= (params[0]&&params[0]!='.')?params[0]+" "+arrow:arrow;
          var theBtn = createTiddlyButton(place,label,tooltip,this.onToggleSideBar,"button HideSideBarButton");
          if (mode == "hide")
             { 
             (document.getElementById("sidebar")).setAttribute("toggle","hide");
              setStylesheet(this.settings.styleHide,"ToggleSideBarStyles");
             }
};

config.macros.toggleSideBar.onToggleSideBar = function(){
          var sidebar = document.getElementById("sidebar");
          var settings = config.macros.toggleSideBar.settings;
          if (sidebar.getAttribute("toggle")=='hide')
             {
              setStylesheet(settings.styleShow,"ToggleSideBarStyles");
              sidebar.setAttribute("toggle","show");
              this.firstChild.data= (this.firstChild.data).replace(settings.arrow1,settings.arrow2);
              }
          else
              {    
               setStylesheet(settings.styleHide,"ToggleSideBarStyles");
               sidebar.setAttribute("toggle","hide");
               this.firstChild.data= (this.firstChild.data).replace(settings.arrow2,settings.arrow1);
              }

     return false;
}

setStylesheet(".HideSideBarButton .button {font-weight:bold; padding: 0 5px;}\n","ToggleSideBarButtonStyles");
//}}}
//end ToggleSideBarMacro code

//start JumpToTopMacro code
//{{{
config.macros.top={};
config.macros.top.handler=function(place,macroName)
{
               createTiddlyButton(place,"^","jump to top",this.onclick);
}
config.macros.top.onclick=function()
{
               window.scrollTo(0,0);
};

config.commands.top =
{
               text:" ^ ",
               tooltip:"jump to top"
};

config.commands.top.handler = function(event,src,title)
{
               window.scrollTo(0,0);
}
//}}}
//end JumpToStartMacro code

//start JumpMacro code
//{{{
config.macros.jump= {};
config.macros.jump.handler = function (place,macroName,params,wikifier,paramString,tiddler)
{
        var label = (params[0] && params[0]!=".")? params[0]: 'jump';
        var tooltip = (params[1] && params[1]!=".")? params[1]: 'jump to an open tiddler';
        var top = (params[2] && params[2]=='top') ? true: false;        

        var btn =createTiddlyButton(place,label,tooltip,this.onclick);
        if (top==true)
              btn.setAttribute("top","true")
}

config.macros.jump.onclick = function(e)
{
        if (!e) var e = window.event;
        var theTarget = resolveTarget(e);
        var top = theTarget.getAttribute("top");
	var popup = Popup.create(this);
	if(popup)
		{
                 if(top=="true")
                                {createTiddlyButton(createTiddlyElement(popup,"li"),'Top ↑','Top of TW',config.macros.jump.top);
                                 createTiddlyElement(popup,"hr");}
		
		story.forEachTiddler(function(title,element) {
			createTiddlyLink(createTiddlyElement(popup,"li"),title,true);
			});
                }
	Popup.show(popup,false);
	e.cancelBubble = true;
	if (e.stopPropagation) e.stopPropagation();
	return false;
}

config.macros.jump.top = function()
{
       window.scrollTo(0,0);
}
//}}}
//end JumpMacro code

//utility functions
//{{{
Popup.show = function(unused,slowly)
{
	var curr = Popup.stack[Popup.stack.length-1];
	var rootLeft = findPosX(curr.root);
	var rootTop = findPosY(curr.root);
	var rootHeight = curr.root.offsetHeight;
	var popupLeft = rootLeft;
	var popupTop = rootTop + rootHeight;
	var popupWidth = curr.popup.offsetWidth;
	var winWidth = findWindowWidth();
        if (isChild(curr.root,'hoverMenu'))
              var x = config.hoverMenu.settings.x;
        else
              var x = 0;
	if(popupLeft + popupWidth+x > winWidth)
		popupLeft = winWidth - popupWidth -x;
        if (isChild(curr.root,'hoverMenu'))
  	        {curr.popup.style.right = x + "px";}
        else
                curr.popup.style.left = popupLeft + "px";
	curr.popup.style.top = popupTop + "px";
	curr.popup.style.display = "block";
	addClass(curr.root,"highlight");
	if(config.options.chkAnimate)
		anim.startAnimating(new Scroller(curr.popup,slowly));
	else
		window.scrollTo(0,ensureVisible(curr.popup));
}

window.isChild = function(e,parentId) {
        while (e != null) {
                var parent = document.getElementById(parentId);
                if (parent == e) return true;
                e = e.parentNode;
                }
        return false;
};
//}}}

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/145182/how_do_i_look_honey.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/145182/how_do_i_look_honey/">How Do I Look, Honey? - video powered by Metacafe</a></font></html>

How do I look, honey? What is this, some kind of trick question? Nobody told me there was going to be a test.

Three contractors are bidding to resurface the Congressional Parking Lot -- one from Florida, another from Tennessee and the third, New Jersey. They go with a House official to examine the parking lot.

The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The New Jersey contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The New Jersey contractor whispers back, "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to do the work."

"Done!" replies the House official...

You get on with your partner. There is anxious anticipation as you start. You start slowly, climbing your way to the top.

There are smiles exchanged, and giggles, maybe even caressing or hand holding. The excitement builds and builds. It nears the top. The expressions on faces become wondrous and excited.

Then as it hits the pinnacle, things move very fast. There's a quick motion, the heart races with complete excitement; faces are all in total pleasure. Arms are flailing, heads are bouncing, and there is some noticeable screaming going on.

The rest of the ride is up and down, twisting and turning, lots of bumping, sometimes in the light, sometimes in the dark. Sometimes there's a surprise, and sometimes it becomes all too familiar but always, always at the end, there's a big smile on the face. Hair is all messed up, and everyone is talking about how great it is, and some of them say, "I wanna go again!"

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=no|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/548735/how_to_apply_massage_oil.swf" width="800" height="675" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/548735/how_to_apply_massage_oil/">How To Apply Massage Oil</a></font></html>
!How To Apply Massage Oil
Kate applies massage oil to her sexy body, but I understand that she is seeking help with rubbing down her backside.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/392701/how_to_fold_your_bra_by_popular_demand.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/392701/how_to_fold_your_bra_by_popular_demand/">How To Fold Your BRA - By Popular Demand - video powered by Metacafe</a></font></html>

Ask you you shall be told.
Also here is a little something to help you [[get that bra off|How to remove a bra]]

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/398623/how_to_fold_panties_final_episode.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/398623/how_to_fold_panties_final_episode/">How To Fold Panties - Final Episode! - video powered by Metacafe</a></font></html>

I was always wondering who they do that.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/392722/how_to_give_yourself_a_pedicure_with_sexy_feet_demonstrating.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/392722/how_to_give_yourself_a_pedicure_with_sexy_feet_demonstrating/">How To Give Yourself A Pedicure With SEXY Feet Demonstrating   - video powered by Metacafe</a></font></html>

My lady often has to spread a towel so she doesn't get everything wet, but I don't think that is what she went.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/505975/how_to_not_expose_your_vagina.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/505975/how_to_not_expose_your_vagina/">How To Not Expose Your Vagina</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>The funniest movie is here. Find it</a></font></html>
!How To Not Expose Your Vagina
A very good clip especially for ladies (By which I mean Brittney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton). At long last a class that teaches them how to avoid exposing their private part while getting out of the car. Still will not stop them from exposing their vaginas as they leave the house, or while sunbathing, but it is a start.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/412867/how_to_shower_men_women.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/412867/how_to_shower_men_women/">How To Shower - Men & Women - video powered by Metacafe</a></font></html>
!How To Shower - Men vs Women
I think someone was following me and my lover around. That's a lot like the way we do it as well.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/388085/walking_upstairs_in_high_heels.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/388085/walking_upstairs_in_high_heels/">Walking Upstairs In High Heels - video powered by Metacafe</a></font></html>

I'll have to watch this a lot of times before I can try it myself. I mean I would want to mess up or anything.

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep".

"Now give me back my dog."

<html><div><embed src="http://www.livevideo.com/flvplayer/embed/C9D20BDCD79B40D9B5CA702A4004E04C" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" quality="high" WIDTH="445" HEIGHT="369" wmode="transparent"></embed><br/><a href="http://www.livevideo.com/video/embedLink/C9D20BDCD79B40D9B5CA702A4004E04C/74179/now-cliff-wants-a-threesome-02-16-07.aspx">Now Cliff wants a Threesome - 02/16/07</a></div></html>
!How not to have a threesome
Now that Cliff has sobered up he'd like to continue the threesome they were all ready for last night. Only problem is that Cliff is clueless. 
See [[the night before here|http://www.livevideo.com/video/27BC63B4AAF04B3AA39CEC5B8440A049/vannuys-menage-a-trois-02-15-07.aspx?lastvcid=72658]]

<html><embed flashVars="playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/388075/how_to_fold_a_t_shirt_in_seconds_sexy_model_takes_hers_off_to.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/388075/how_to_fold_a_t_shirt_in_seconds_sexy_model_takes_hers_off_to/">How To Fold A T-shirt In Seconds - Sexy Model Takes Hers Off To  - video powered by Metacafe</a></font></html>
!How to Fold A Shirt
I normally don't fold clothes I just took off, but I could watch her take her shirt off all day long. Makes me wonder how she folds her [[bra...|How To Fold A Bra]] (She answered my question)

<html><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://embed.break.com/MjAwODcw"></param><embed src="http://embed.break.com/MjAwODcw" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350" ></embed></object></html>
Start by taking your current lover to Glamor Shots.
Once you break up, scan the pictures into your computer.
Now, by following these easy steps you too can make bad pictures of your exs doing stuff you only wish they had done.

<html><div><embed src="http://www.livevideo.com/flvplayer/embed/E8315C6370BB4ABAB944B98E9C51CBAA" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" quality="high" WIDTH="445" HEIGHT="369" wmode="transparent"></embed><br/><a href="http://www.livevideo.com/video/embedLink/E8315C6370BB4ABAB944B98E9C51CBAA/135536/how-to-buy-lingerie.aspx">How to buy Lingerie</a></div></html>
!How to buy Lingerie 
Watch as a lovely lady helps a confused young man shop for lingerie by modeling it for him. I guess he liked what he saw as he bought it.

The Body Shot is performed as follows:
*Rub lime on partner’s body. What ever part they are willing to let you use.
*Pour salt over the same spot.
*Place lime between partner’s lips.^^*^^
*Drink ½ shot.
*Lick the salt up.
*Take other ½ shot.
*Remove lime from between partner's lips with your own lips.
^^*^^Lime juice can be a bit to much for some body parts. This can lead to the end of what could have been a great night. Use lime responsibly.
The following picture is of a variant, and not a bad one I might add.
[img[images/tequilabodyshot.jpg]]

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/535138/legal_sex.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/535138/legal_sex/">Legal Sex</a></font></html>
!How to have safe sex
This is not quite what I was expecting.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/571553/how_to_pick_up_women.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/571553/how_to_pick_up_women/">HOW TO PICK-UP WOMEN</a></font></html>
!How to pick-up women
Watch this video and learn how you can make a women so distracted she will not know what she is doing. Very, very funny.

<html><embed flashVars="playerVars=videoTitle=Bra Removal|showStats=yes|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/302053/bra_removal.swf" width="400" height="345" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/302053/bra_removal/">Bra Removal - video powered by Metacafe</a></font></html>

Damn! Where was this when I was 12?
And here is something to show you [[what to do once it is off|How To Fold A Bra]]

Instructions I had to give a young girl recently:         
#Put the hard thing in your mouth        
#Suck on it until...         
#You get liquid in your mouth
#Swallow!         
#Repeat until you can't get any more liquid out         

Now she knows how to use a straw.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/395292/take_infrared_pictures_with_your_digital_camera.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/395292/take_infrared_pictures_with_your_digital_camera/">Take Infrared Pictures With Your Digital Camera - video powered by Metacafe</a></font></html>

Remember DO NOT take pictures of people wearing clothes with this. It would let you see through some of them, and we wouldn't want that now would we?
But what happens when I take pictures of naked people with it?

<html><div><embed src="http://www.livevideo.com/flvplayer/embed/8F01B4A8FDE44A92BBA7131824067BFE" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" quality="high" WIDTH="445" HEIGHT="369" wmode="transparent"></embed><br/><a href="http://www.livevideo.com/video/embedLink/8F01B4A8FDE44A92BBA7131824067BFE/11562/how-to-tell-your-parent-what-you-r-gay.aspx">HOW TO TELL YOUR PARENT WHAT YOU'R GAY</a></div></html>
!How to tell your parents that you are gay
Lets see; Hangs out with hot guys. Loves show tunes. Room covered with pictures of men. You know, I think he might be a homosexual.

[img[images/IHeartUrPussy.jpg]]
You know you want to put it on the back of your car.

[img[images/silly/ILoveSex.gif]]
I think it speaks for it's self.

<html><a href="http://www.hrcsnapshot.org/"><img src="http://www.hrcsnapshot.org/images/hrc_logo.gif" alt="Human Rights Campaign - Coming Out Project" border="0"></a></html>I am not a lesbian! Just because I don't want to lick your dick doesn't make me a lesbian. Nor does my love of eating pussy.
If I sleep with 1000 women, but never get the slightest bit turned on by a man, that does not make me a lesbian.
The fact that no man has ever interested me enough that I failed to notice the next woman that came into sight doesn't make me a lesbian.
Even the fact that women's breast have been known to make me walk into walls doesn't make me a lesbian.
Even that the right woman wispering sweet nothings in my ear can turn me into a quivering pile of mush does not indicate that I am a lesbian.
I am damn fucking proud of my sexual orientation and will never claim to be any other. No, not even for a chance to fuck Angelina Jolie while Brad watches and runs the video camera. 

[[I think you should feel the same way.|http://www.hrcsnapshot.org/]]

I came home and found you in bed with a stranger, your bodies heaving and your hair damp with sweat. I could hear you gasping and moaning as you came and came again.

I watched for seconds that felt like hours and had to stop myself as I was overcome with emotion. You looked so beautiful.

You slowly came back to this world, your eyes opened and you looked over that other body and took in the situation. Slowly you raised your hand towards me, "Lover, I want you to meet the girl I dated in college".

I knew it was going to be a great night.

[>img[Art Deco era statue alongside street, Miami Beach, Florida|http://haulover.org/images/blithe.jpg]] 
During a recent online discussion with someone who runs a site that features nude pictures I was amused that they were very much against the idea of a under 18yo male being able to see the contents of their site. The reason I say this is that this same kid can walk into most any museum in the world and see pictures and statues of nude people, and that is OK. But if the kid sees them on the internet then folks call it porn and it is bad.

For example this statue in Miami, FL has been sitting next to the beach where anyone can see it since the 1930s.

Is this life size statue not a more graphic of an example of a nude female then a picture on the internet? Do they have this area marked "Adults Only"? Of course not, for this is art. If a kid is staring at it then he is just studying art. But let the same kid be caught checking out a Playboy, and it is all over.

I don't understand society.

By the way, did you notice that God had no problems with Adam and Eve walking around nude? (Genesis 2:25 & 3:11)  But suggest that we let folks walk around nude to a Christian and they get all up in arms.

Following the lead of all those famous people who thank God for things that they do (Like win an Oscar or a football game), I'd like to thank God for that the great round of sex I had last night.

Not often I get to spend that much time fucking. And I know that with out him there giving me that support I would have never made it past the second orgasm.

I think it speaks for itself.
[img[Pleasure Lance|http://almostporn.net/images/silly/lance.jpg]]

This started because of a meme that was to tell me which Ren Faire character I was best suited to potray. I don't think they got it quite right, but I had fun coming up with a picture that I felt fit me better.

[img[images/condom-sponsors.jpg]]
----
!If condoms had sponsors...
then the outside would look like this, but the condom would make your dick look like you were racing in NASCAR. I can see the Viagra condom coming down the turnpike already. And remember, rubbing is racing. 
Wonder if I could get sponsorship money for featuring them in an 'adult' movie?

Information about this site.

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The local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful insurance firm. So, a volunteer visited the CEO in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that, even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through our organization?"

The CEO thought for a minute and said, "First, did your research also show you that my youngest sister has a rare and fatal blood disorder, and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"

Embarrassed, the charity rep mumbled, "Uh -- no, I didn't know that."

"Second," continued the CEO, "my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children."

The stricken charity rep began to stammer an apology, but was interrupted again. "Third, did your research also show you that my elder sister's husband died in dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another with learning disabilities requiring an army of private tutors?"

The humiliated charity rep, completely beaten, said, "I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

And the CEO finished, "So. Since I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?"

''International Mutual Simultaneous Oral Sex Day'' is celebrated through out the world on June 9. The main purpose of the day is to help enable people to enjoy each others company a little more.

This event is celebrated by groups consisting two people engaging in oral sex upon each other simultaneously. Some people take part in many groups over the course of the day, while others stay in the same group all day long, celebrating the event over and over again.

International Mutual Simultaneous Oral Sex Day was first conceived of by Pan_theFrog in June 2005 as a supplement to [[Valentines Day|http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine%27s_Day]] and [[Steak & BJ Day|http://www.answers.com/topic/steak-and-blowjob-day]]. It was seen as a day that could be truly enjoy reguardless of sexual orientation or gender. The first celebration was a small affair, enjoyed by only a couple of thousand participants worldwide. Many people came  even though they were not aware of what they were celebrating.

<<reminder date:9 month:6 title:"International Mutual Oral Sex Day">>
<html><img src="http://www.almostporn.net/images/imosd.gif" width=392 height=72 alt="International Mutual Simultaneous Oral Sex Day"></html>

Only <<reminder month:3 date:3 title:"till International Threesome Observance Day">>
This holiday was actually started on March 3, 2003 (03/03/03) to commemorate all the people who have convinced their lover to have a third person join-in. [[They even have book!|http://www.threesomebook.com/]]

If it falls on a Friday, you should make it into a three-day weekend.

Also check out [[International Mutual Simultaneous Oral Sex Day]] which is celebrated on June 9.

Cindy and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they hadn't seen each other since graduation. They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc. and finally gets around to their sex lives.

Cindy said, "It's okay. We get it on every week or so but it's no big adventure. How's yours?"

Sally replied, "It's just great, ever since we got into S & M."

Cindy is aghast. "Really Sally! I never would have guessed that you would go for that sort of thing."

"Oh, sure," says Sally. "He snores while I masturbate."

Last night I spent with a group of my friends (4 women & 3 guy). The women took turns being the center of attention. While everyone was naked there was no penetration, and no one did more then a lite grazing touch in passing of anyone's genitalia. All the women had orgasms, several had multiple.

My question is 'Does this count as sex'?

Answer I came up with later: [[Outercourse]]

Today I was getting coffee and one of my coworkers was complaining to another woman that she thinks her husband is cheating on her and that they seem to have lost that whole being in love feeling. She then looked at me and said "Not like you and your girlfriend".

See, I have been with my SO (Significant Other) for almost 10 years. When people first meet us they think we just started dating as we have NRE (New Relationship Energy). We are always walking along, holding hands, kissing, and touching each other, plus they tell me I smile when she walks in the room. I think it is very obvious that we enjoy each other's company.

Now here is one thing that sets us off from other couples: We are [[Polyamorous|What is Polyamory?]]. In the 10 years we have been together I have flirted constantly with other women, and even been intimate with 15-20 women. Several of them I still consider girlfriends (How many people do you date for more then 6 months?). The important part is that my SO has known about, and approved, every single one of them before the fact. She has had several boyfriends/friends with benefits during our time together as well, and I have know of all of them. Heck, we have a third person in our relationship right now who lives with us. He also has a couple of people that he is dating with our approval.

I think that one of the things that has helped us keep NRE is that we are allowed to date others. It keeps us from wondering if the grass is greener over on the other side of the fence.

!This would be AlmostPorn if it wasn't that she's doing it on purpose.  
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!Is this her talent?
If so it is an OK one. By the way, this is [[Carmen|Webcam Model Carmen]] from CamWithHer. They seem to specialize in doing this.

Recently about 500,000 people in my area were without electric for up to a week due to bad weather. For many of them this is the second time in 6 months.

The following was inspired by one of my co-workers who attributes every good thing in her life to God (If it is bad she blames the Democrats).
>If you are the type that thanks God for everything in your life, then the reason you are without electric is that this is all part of God's plan for you. God controls the weather, and knows when each sparrow falls, so he obviously knew that this little power outage was going to effect you. So quite calling Ameren and bitching. If you must bitch to someone, get on your knees. Stay there until He delivers instructions on what you should do.
>(PS. If you tell me that Satan did it, then you are telling me that Satan is stronger then God. Wow! Is God going to be pissed at you.)
>
>If you are not the type that thanks God for everything: I am sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?

[img[images/product-placement.jpg]]

This billboard is sure to get some looks.

Many of the nursery rhymes we learned as children have adult origins, making fun of some public figure or discussing the latest scandal. Many of these have lost their shock or joke factor, as few know whom or what they refer to.

In an effort to keep this tradition alive I have attempted to modernize at least one of these. So now I bring you a modern day version of:
!Jack and Jill
Jack asked Jill
was she on the pill
for he wanted no son or daughter.
His tongue went to town
'fore jimmy cap rolled down
and Jill glowed for a long while after.

<html><object id="objectPlayer" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=8,0,0,0" width="645" height="554" classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" >  <param name="movie" value="http://www.fr.garagetv.be/v/S5kKIOw0ZeTcJZ60pp8LD-hFWdygKPfF0LKMWUV4PuUJbgqYP8Uj3!jiCe0PwAMC-!/v.aspx" />  <param name="quality" value="high" />  <param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" />  <param name="wmode" value="transparent" />  <param name="bgcolor" value="#000000" />  <param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always">  <embed id="embedPlayer" bgcolor="#000000" allowFullScreen="true" width="645" height="554" src="http://www.fr.garagetv.be/v/S5kKIOw0ZeTcJZ60pp8LD-hFWdygKPfF0LKMWUV4PuUJbgqYP8Uj3!jiCe0PwAMC-!/v.aspx" quality="high" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" wmode="transparent" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"  ></embed></object><noscript>Clique ici pour regarder le <a href="http://www.fr.garagetv.be/chaines-videos/socceroos/Jaime_Hammer_hot_webcamgirl.aspx">film vidéo</a></noscript></html>
!Jamie Hammer in Webcam Video 1
A hot girl stripping. It is the reason we love the internet.

[img[images/silly/pussycloseup.jpg]]
Doesn't Jane have just the cutest little pussy? Every time I see it I just want to give it a kiss.

<html><div><object width="800" height="600"><param name="movie" value="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/xk38o&related=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/xk38o&related=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="800" height="600" allowFullScreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always"></embed></object><br /><b><a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xk38o_jen-hilton-no-hands_fun">Jen Hilton, No Hands</a></b><br /><i>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/JenH">JenH</a></i></div></html>
!Jen Hilton - No Hands
At long last Jen Hilton shows those boobies with no hands over them.

<html><div><object width="800" height="600"><param name="movie" value="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/xqf00&related=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/xqf00&related=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="800" height="600" allowFullScreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always"></embed></object><br /><b><a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xqf00_jen-hilton-p2-black-nightie_fun">Jen Hilton p2 Black Nightie</a></b><br /><i>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/JenH">JenH</a></i></div></html>
!Jen Hilton in a Black Nightie pt2
A pretty girl in not a lot of clothes. I am good with that!

http://www.jenhilton.com/
http://www.dailymotion.com/playlist/xj2mu_joretapit_jenhilton

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/567657/jennifer_walcott.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/567657/jennifer_walcott/">Jennifer Walcott</a></font></html>
!Jennifer Walcott video collection
There’s one thing Humanity really needs - more videos like this one. Actually better then a video would to be have a person posing like this on every street corner in the world, 24/7. Help get the world use to the idea that a nude body is a good thing.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/536650/jessica_delfino_clits_of_my_tits.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/536650/jessica_delfino_clits_of_my_tits/">Jessica Delfino: Clits Of My Tits</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>Awesome video clips here</a></font></html>
!Jessica Delfino - Clits Of My Tits
Jessica Delfino's nipples are the clits of her tits, and she sings about them.

At last you can be sexy and still let everyone know that you are a good Christen girl.
One look at your Jesus Fish and any man will know that this pussy is saved for Jesus. 
Exclusively available only from AlmostPorn.net

[img[images/Jesus-Thong-1.jpg]] [img[images/Jesus-Thong-2.jpg]] [img[images/Jesus-Thong-3.jpg]] [img[images/Jesus-Thong-4.jpg]] 

But I am not so sure that letting the world know that there is something fishy in your pants in the best idea in the world.

Funny stories and such.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/567474/boob_academy_all_girls_school.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/567474/boob_academy_all_girls_school/">Boob Academy/ All Girls School</a></font></html>
Juggie Academy - All Girls School
Where can I get a pin that says, "I support dumbass girls with nice racks"? Because I'll wear it.

A guy walks into the street and manages to hail a taxi just as it's passing by. He hops into the taxi, and the cabby says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabby: "Frank. Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right, all the time. Like my coming along just when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank each and every single time."

Passenger: "Yeah, but there are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabby: "Not over Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was just one amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabby: "Oh, there's more. He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank, he could do everything right."

Passenger. "Wow, some guy then."

Cabby: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake. Never."

Passenger. "Mmm, there's not many like him around."

Cabby: "And he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back, even if she was in the wrong. And his clothing was always immaculate, his shoes highly polished -- like mirrors, they were. Frank was the Perfect Man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabby: "Well, I never actually met Frank."

Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"

Cabby: "I married his fucking widow."

[img[images/turned18.jpg]]
!Just turned 18
18 candles and a special wish. She wants to unwrap her present and then let you unwrap her.

[<img[http://almostporn.net/just_laura.gif][Just_Laura]] Just_Laura is a nice sweet innocent girl with big tits I met one night up in Urbana, IL where she is attending collage. She was nice enough to pose for a couple of pictures. 
She has a blog over at: http://just-laura.livejournal.com/ where she is active on several different communities like "My Bitchy Pony", "~Big_Breasts", "submissiveblog". Her interest include good sex, swallowing, my little pony, pretty girls, swallowing and voyeurism.

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!Keely Hazell
One of the top ten sexiest models currently working.

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!Keeping It Real Goes Wrong
Watch as Brenda 'Keeps it real' and goes from eating popcorn in her own home, to eating a tossed salad in a prison slammer.

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!Kermit the Frog - Hurt (NIN cover)
Kermit has been through so much; the drama of Ms Piggy, forced to live a life always in the public eye, knowing that the smallest slip that shows the sorrow in his soul might end his career, fear that some one might catch him and Elmo doing hits backstage. This is why he can reach down into the darkness that is his existence to pull off great performances like this.

More here: http://www.sadkermit.com

[img[images/mommy_stupid.jpg]]
!Kids ask the cutest things
Mommy, why do 80% of Fox 'news' watchers think that Iraq had anything to do with September 11?
Because they are fucking stupid, honey.

KittyKeith is an honorary member. We made her one because we liked how she looked as Jessica Rabbit, plus how she handled herself (No, not in that way, you dirty minded person).
[img[Shannon Keith|images/members/KittyKeith.jpg]] We'll see how she behaves in the future to decide if we want to make her a full member.

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!Kobi Tia - Packing it in tight
Kobi Tia is going to demonstrate how to get big things into tight little spaces.

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!Kyra Gets Down With Her Bad Self
Kyra doing her best to prove she is a zoo animal.

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I listed this as [[Education]] as I like how it gives a rough idea of what it takes to be a professional photographer.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/284426/lady_in_green_shows_it_at_the_green.swf" width="800" height="674" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/284426/lady_in_green_shows_it_at_the_green/">Lady In Green Shows It At The Green</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>Watch the top videos of the week here</a></font></html>
!Lady In Green Shows It At The Green
If this is what they showed on the golf channel, I'd understand why men watch it.

Today I want to teach you to understand one of the most misunderstood things in the English language, and most likely you can blame your parents for your ignorance.

When should you say "Shithead and I" and when should you say "me and Crapbrains"? Don't know do you?

It is actually very simple. Any time you would say "I" if it was only you then you would say "Shithead and I". If you would say "me" then you should be saying "me and Crapbrains".
!Examples:
Joe and I went to a party the other day and met up with this hot chick named Katrina who lived in the apartment upstairs. She invited Joe and me up to her place.

Joe and I really enjoyed the view as she walked up the stairs with her mini-skirt pulled up. At the landing she bent over till her head was touching the floor, pulled off her thong, put one leg up on top the rail and then threw the thong back between her legs at Joe and me.

Soon as she walked in the door she yelled "Tonya, we have guest!". Joe and I started drooling when her sexy roommate walked in to the living room wearing nothing but a strap-on and then proceeded to grab Katrina by the hair, bend her over the couch and give her a good fucking. Afterwards she asked Joe and me if we wanted to lick off the 10" tool that she had just fucked Katrina's cunt with. Joe and I eagerly accepted.

Later Joe and I were amazed to see Katrina get a whole 18" kielbasa into her mouth. Seeing our appreciation of her talent she asked Joe and me if we wanted to be next.

That chick made Joe and me get her off twice with our tongues before she would let us cum in her mouth. She couldn't handle all of it and some dripped off her chin and on to her breast but Tonya was right there eagerly licking it off of her.

Joe and I fucked every orifice those women had and then came back for seconds. Afterwards they let Joe and me take pictures as they licked all the cum out of each other. It took a long time as Joe and I had worn condoms for everything but their mouths but they kept licking just to make sure they had got it all.

I want to come back tomorrow. Who gives a fuck about what Joe wants to do.

!WARNING! @@color(#900):This page is rated Mature.@@ 
If you are ''under the age of 18'' then I have to ask you to go away. ''This page is rated Mature.'' Not that I really have anything in here that is more naughty then listening to the Howard Stern Show, watching South Park, or passing off Disney movies as being historically accurate.[>img[images/MatureRating.jpg]]
[<img[http://www.wieistmeineip.de/cometo/?en|http://www.wieistmeineip.de/ip-address/]]
''Question to ask yourself:'' When a TV program is rated "Adult", why is the plot normally something your average 10 year old could have written? Of course a lot of the stuff coming out of Hollywood could have been written by a 10 year old, but only if they saw the original in re-runs. 
Anyway, before I can let you go any further I have to ask if you are of legal age to view and participate in mature materials (I'd ask if you were mentally mature enough, but then 75% of the planet couldn't get in). 
If the answer is no, then may I suggest that you go elsewhere? Two suggestions are offered below. 
[[Somewhere educational|http://www.scarleteen.com/]]  or  [[Somewhere that will make you feel naughty|http://www.cbn.com]] 
----
There, I fulfilled my legal obligation.
Now shut up all you whiners.

A 20-something couple having fun and sharing what they know. And themselves.
http://talkaboutsexxx.blogspot.com/

Did I mention they really seem to like anal?

[img[images/silly/LickAChick.jpg]]
What's on the menu? Do they have take out? Is this place in Nevada? Do they have free ~WiFi? Will they accept ~WoW gold?
I wonder if [[she is here|Something good to eat]]?

<html><object width="410" height="347"><param name="movie" value="http://www.gotuit.com/player/eplayer.swf"></param><param name="FlashVars" value="c=Music&p=77638&s=1457535&o=gotuitEmbed"></param><embed src="http://www.gotuit.com//player/eplayer.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="410" height="347" FlashVars="c=Music&p=77638&s=1457535&o=gotuitEmbed"></embed></object></html>
Because sometimes you just feel like this.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/478216/lingerie_show.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/478216/lingerie_show/">Lingerie Show</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>Click here for more blooper videos</a></font></html>
!Lingerie Show
About fricken time they used some models that don't look like they need someone to force feed them a sandwich.

Just a listing of things I think one should go and check out.
| !Site | !URL | !Description |
|Live Plasma |http://www.liveplasma.com/ |Learn about new music and movies in a visual format. It is like.. Wow! |
|Book Slut |http://www.bookslut.com/ |A nice place to learn about books and authors |

The ones below are things I wrote about and included a link.

[[Strip Poker @ Bunnypoker|http://www.bunnypoker.com/]]

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Ralphy.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little Ralphy says, "I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little Ralphy replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on," but I like your thinking."

Little Ralphy returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father?
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'" I said "6", replies Ralphy.
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"

Little Ralphy goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Ralphy says "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little Ralphy, that's a mouthful."
Little Ralphy says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

Little Ralphy was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one , a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne,
rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little Ralphy replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little Ralphy answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business.

!I LOVE Little Ralphy , don't you?

[img[images/LOTR-WOW.gif]]
!Lord of the Rings WOW style
I think I've run with this group. Bunch of fricken noobs.

<html><div><object width="425" height="335"><param name="movie" value="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/1zPhtmdnFhhgZ5TBq"></param><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/1zPhtmdnFhhgZ5TBq" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="334" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object><br /><b><a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xu4ec_pub-hamster-mercedes-excellent">pub hamster mercedes Excellent !!!</a></b><br /><i>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/jo_lafouine">jo_lafouine</a></i></div></html>

That is not the hamster I have in my car.

So your looking for something to make your lover stop complaining about tasting your love juice? 
First, refrain from eating strong foods and vitamins (multivitamins, curries, garlic, asparagus, broccoli, and cut back on the red meats)
Second, drink the following at least 3 days in a row before your next encounter.
!!!Love Juice Smoothie
|! | !Amount | !Carbohydrates Grams | !Fat Grams | !Calories |
|Honey  | 2 tablespoons | 32 | 0 | 60 |
|Vanilla Extract | 1/2 teaspoon | .15 | 0 | 5 |
|Banana | 1 medium | 26.7 | .6 | 105 |
|Pineapple | 1 cup diced | 19.2 | .6 | 78 |
|Ginger, fresh | 1/2 teaspoon | .7 | .05 | 3 |
|Mango | 1 cup diced  | 28 | .4 | 108 |
|Cucumber | 1 medium to large | 8.8 | .4 | 39 |
|!Totals |!| !115.55 | !2.05 | !398 |
Blend all ingredients in a blender until smooth and then drink immediately. 
Another variation is to cut all the fruits and vegetables into cubes and then drip the honey over the top and eat like a fruit salad. Leave the vanilla extract out. Maybe use it to make [[Exotic Dancer Perfume]].
Repeat daily for best results. 
//not recommended for diabetics//
And ladies, this will work you you as well.

Make it a part of your balanced breakfast and maybe your lover will start to eat better as well.

!Love Land Park in South Korea
This is a a theme park in South Korea, very popular for tourists and honeymooners. They have a hotel on site and they serve aphrodisiac dinners. 
[img[images/sexpark1.jpg]] [img[images/sexpark2.jpg]] [img[images/sexpark3.jpg]] [img[images/sexpark4.jpg]] [img[images/sexpark5.jpg]] [img[images/sexpark6.jpg]] [img[images/sexpark7.jpg]] [img[images/sexpark8.jpg]] [img[images/sexpark9.jpg]] [img[images/sexpark10.jpg]] [img[images/sexpark11.jpg]]

07 July 2006
Annalee Newitz
Magazine issue 2559
http://www.newscientist.com/channel/being-human/mg19125591.800-love-unlimited-the-polyamorists.html

Who says monogamy is the only way to go? New Scientist visits a group of people with a very different take on relationships

"I was dating Gordon when I met Heather and Jim. Then I started dating Jim too, and Heather started dating Gordon right before he and I broke up," says Noemi. Confused? Tonight I'm having dinner with a group whose unusual lifestyle warrants such introductions. They are a "polyamorous" family - one whose members are openly committed to several lovers at the same time.

Their household, in a quiet neighborhood on the outskirts of San Francisco, looks like any other. A little boy in pajamas answers the door when I knock, smiling around a large strawberry stuck in his mouth. His mother Heather, an artist with oval glasses and pink hair, is cooking in the kitchen with her boyfriend Gordon, a computer-network engineer with an understated manner. The dining room is pleasant, airy and smells of roasting chicken. Heather's husband Jim, along with house mates Noemi and Alicia, are bustling about the table, opening wine, putting out place settings and making sure Heather and Jim's son (the strawberry eater) brushes his teeth before going to bed. Noemi, a park ranger who is pregnant with Jim's second child, offers me some bread and cheese.

The group's network of relationships is fairly typical in polyamorous circles, where it's not unusual to hear somebody introduce a "husband's girlfriend" or "my wife and her boyfriends". Noemi does her best to explain the history of the family, but it sounds like a logic puzzle. "If you really want to understand all of our relationships, it might be easier if we drew you a chart," says Heather (see Diagram). "I'm not dating any of them," says Alicia, a librarian. "My boyfriend is poly, so I guess I'm poly by association."

"I feel like I'm monogamous because I've been sleeping with only one person for about five years," says Noemi. Everybody starts laughing, and finally she admits, "OK, well I did sleep with some other people too."

It is hard to estimate how many polyamorists exist - there is no box for them on any national census - but the number of online resources, articles and books on the topic has exploded since the early 1990s, when the term polyamory ("poly" for short) was coined in internet newsgroups. The Ethical Slut, a 1997 book by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt that some call the "bible of poly", has sold more than 50,000 copies and is about to go into its second edition. Recently the concept of multiple lovers has become the subject of public debate in the US, where conflicts over gay marriage have led some conservatives to claim that homosexual weddings will lead to marriages of more than two people: if you can have two mothers, they say, why not two mothers and a father?

For psychologists and evolutionary biologists, polyamory is a rare opportunity to see, out in the open, what happens when people stop suppressing their desire for multiple partners and embrace non-monogamy. Proponents say the poly brand of open but committed relationships may be a way around infidelity because it turns an age-old problem into a solution: polyamorists are released from the burdens of traditional marriage vows, yet they seem to keep their long-term relationships intact. What makes poly enticing is the possibility of reconciling long-term stability and romantic variety.

!!No swinging, please
And why shouldn't we consider it? When most people think of non-exclusive marriages, they think of polygamy, an ancient but still widespread practice that involves one person, usually male, acquiring multiple spouses in a harem-like arrangement. Or swinging, in which couples have casual flings on the side. Polyamory is different. It encompasses a dizzying variety of arrangements - anything from couples with long-term lovers on the side to larger groups with overlapping relationships. If anything characterizes poly, says Elaine Cook, a psychiatrist who has a private practice in Marin county, California, it is a lack of rigid structure.

What evidence there is shows that poly couples stay together as long as monogamous ones - and, apparently, for good reasons. In a study published last December in the Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality (vol 8), Cook analyzed the relationships of seven couples who had been married for more than 10 years, and who had had additional partners for at least seven of those years. She found that most of the couples reported "love" or "connection" as important reasons for staying together. This contrasts with monogamous couples, Cook notes, who often list external factors such as religion or family as major reasons for remaining committed.

That is telling. Cook speculates that polyamorists perceive themselves as having more choices, and therefore they only stay in marriages and relationships that make them happy. "They have other relationships that they are perhaps equally excited about being in, but they want to maintain this [marriage] relationship because it continues to satisfy them," she says.

For some, poly may be more realistic than monogamy. Having multiple partners frees people from the process of trying to find "the one" who is perfect for them in every way. In April, psychologist Rachel Robbins at the Mission Mental Health clinic in San Francisco conducted a survey of 250 polyamorous women. The number 1 reason they gave for being poly was "to experience different activities and explore different parts of themselves with different people". Instead of asking one person to meet all their needs, polyamorists are content with several people who each meet a few.

Noemi's house mates would drink to that. "I have a lot of interests and passions in my life, and I can't fulfill them all in my relationship," says Alicia. "It was good to have my partner go off and date other people, because then I could pursue my outside interests too - and I didn't feel scrutinized for wanting to do that." Noemi agrees: "It makes me sad that so many people isolate themselves," she says. "It's good to have multiple people who love you, and it's good to have freedom and downtime too."

All well and good, but what about the demands of juggling so many commitments at once? Surely it saps their time and energy. In a break during dinner, I ask how the family manages multiple relationships, particularly as most of them live under the same roof.

"We all have our own bedrooms, which is key," Noemi says. "And our bedrooms aren't next to each other, so we have privacy," says Heather. "Also, we have a nominal schedule where Jim sleeps with Noemi and me on an every-other-night basis, and I'm with Gordon on the weekends."

"My nights without Jim are great," Noemi says with a laugh. "I get to hog the covers, and nobody snores."

Critics call poly self-indulgent and morally reprehensible. Yet it is hardly a sexual free-for-all. The freedom has limits - and managing emotions like jealousy becomes a central issue. "These are designer relationships," Cook says. "Every group decides for itself what's open and what isn't."

Take Emma and Nate, a young married couple living in California's Silicon Valley who describe themselves as "stable and well-settled". They met in college 11 years ago and have always had a polyamorous relationship. Emma has had a boyfriend for the past seven years, while Nate prefers to have short-term romances with friends. Some aspects of their relationship, however, are not open. "We don't do sleepovers with other people," Emma says.

"I like waking up next to her in the morning," Nate says. "The only exception is if I'm out of town, in which case I don't mind if she's having a sleepover." Another rule they have established is letting each other know in advance about dates with other people. "If either of us gets serious about someone else, we bring them home to meet the spouse," says Nate. "In fact, that's what we're doing tomorrow - we're having lunch with my new girlfriend and her husband."

!!Your cheating heart
Polyamorists come to it at different points in their lives and for different reasons. Emma says she had open relationships in high school, and many people I spoke with described discovering poly in their late teens or early twenties. Most, like Jim, tried monogamy. "My first marriage was supposed to be monogamous, and I was," he recalls. "But she slept around in a cheating way. That killed the relationship."

So is poly more sustainable than monogamy? "Infidelity in monogamous relationships is estimated at 60 to 70 per cent, so it seems that attraction to more than one person is normal. The question is how we deal with that," says Meg Barker, a professor of psychology at London South Bank University who presented her research into poly at the 2005 meeting of The British Psychological Society. "The evidence is overwhelming that monogamy isn't natural," says evolutionary biologist David Barash of the University of Washington, Seattle. "Lots of people believe that once they find 'the one', they'll never want anyone else. Then they're blindsided by their own
inclinations to desire other attractive individuals. So it's useful to know that this behavior is natural."

But as a mating strategy, poly may not be any better than monogamy; a person's reproductive success may diminish if there is less pressure to be exclusive. "Jealousy is probably fitness enhancing," Barash says. A more jealous male is likely to stick closer to his mate and prevent her from getting impregnated by other males. "A good look at human biology does not support polyamory any more than it supports monogamy," he says. Biologist Joan Roughgarden, at Stanford University in Palo Alto, California, goes further. "Polyamory won't last. The likelihood of being able to successfully raise children in that context is very limited. My guess is that it's not an
evolutionary advance, but a liability."

"You can't optimize one kind of relationship to fit everyone. People can make sense of their worlds in many ways if monogamy is not the default?

To others, however, biology is not the point. "In middle-class urban cultures, people aren't marrying for survival any more," says psychologist Dossie Easton, co-author of The Ethical Slut. "They can get divorced, and the kids won't starve. This means we're having marriages and relationships for very different reasons than our ancestors did. We're doing it for emotional gratification." Easton sees poly as a break from the "survival strategy" traditions that created both polygamy and monogamy. "Polyamory is a cultural outgrowth of serial monogamy, or having multiple partners without necessity," she says. "Once you're released from necessity, you can start
doing all kinds of original thinking."

Barker concurs. "It's assumed that jealousy is a natural response," she says, "but some polyamorous people say they hardly feel it at all. I think this gives us insight into how people can make sense of their worlds in many ways if monogamy isn't the default." She has found that when people leave traditional monogamy behind, they often rethink "givens" such as how to divide up the housework, money and childcare. Children of poly couples, for instance, tend to be raised by a small community instead of two parents.

Back in San Francisco, Heather's family is clearing the table. As she replaces our plates with bowls of fruit compote, she says poly is a way of keeping her long-term partnerships alive. "When you think about it, what happened is that Jim and I didn't get divorced when we got new partners. We're still together and yet have more love from other people."

"Polyamory is not for everybody," says Jim. "But it creates a range of options, which is important because you can't optimise one kind of relationship to fit everyone."

"The important thing is that we trust each other," says Noemi, rubbing her pregnant belly with a smile. Although poly is still well out of the mainstream, it has become an attractive alternative to monogamy for some. Whether it is good for society remains an open question. For now, there's a more pressing issue - is it good for you?

!!Poly primer
In a study of polyamorous communities online, psychologist Meg Barker found that they had invented new terms to describe the emotions and logistics of non-monogamy.

''Ethical slut'' - someone who sleeps with several people but is honest and open about it; the foundation of polyamory

''Frubbly'' - the opposite of romantic jealousy; the happiness a person feels when his or her partner is happy with another partner (known as compersion in the US)

''Metamour'' - a poly partner's other lover

''NRE'' - new relationship energy, the zingy feeling of euphoria when you fall in love with a new person

''Primary'' - a polyamorist's main partner. Other less intimate partners may be termed secondary or tertiary. Those who have several equally intimate relationships say they engage in non-hierarchical polyamory

Love, actually

Dossie Easton is a psychotherapist and, along with Catherine Liszt, wrote The Ethical Slut in 1997. The book discusses polyamory - being openly committed to more than one sexual relationship at a time. Here she describes what polyamory means to her.

!!What is polyamory, and where did it come from?
The idea has been around for a while. I decided to be non-monogamous in 1969. Back then people called it free love, open relationships or even transmarital sex. The word polyamory was invented by psychologist Deborah Anapol to refer to group marriage. Now it means people who have a variety of different kinds of relationships. It is everyone who is living outside the notion that you can only have one true love.

!!Why choose this lifestyle?
There is a whole range of reasons, but the highest is finding community. Poly community becomes an extended family that shares intimacy, sex, housing and child-rearing. I see non-monogamy as creating places where people can nurture relationships because they don't have to leave home, children or partner to explore themselves. They don't have to tear up their world every time they try something new.

!!How come everyone isn't poly?
We have huge social strictures against unbridled sexuality, so non-monogamy is threatening and frightening. In my practice, I see a lot of people who feel strongly drawn to poly, but they think something is wrong with them that they're commitment-phobic or have problems with intimacy. I think desire draws us along a path of self-discovery, and through that we find intimate connections with other people.

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Walk around in that stupid ass suit. Rollin' in a chopped trailer with 22" rims. Gettin' some crack ho with no brains to bring in some money.
The sad part is that their are people that think this would be the dream life.

[img[images/sexy/lowriders1.jpg]] [img[images/sexy/lowriders2.jpg]]
!Lowrider pants to a new lower level
Can they really get much lower? I don't really know but I am willing to find out...

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/549881/lucy_becker_fhm.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/549881/lucy_becker_fhm/">Lucy Becker FHM</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>For more funny movies, click here</a></font></html>
!Lucy Becker's FHM Photoshoot
Lucy Becker's June 2005 calendar girl shoot for FHM.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/548017/lucy_becker_photoshoot.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/548017/lucy_becker_photoshoot/">Lucy Becker Photoshoot</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>More free videos are here</a></font></html>
!Lucy Becker's Star Wars Photo Shoot
Lucy's photo shoot as Princess Leia and Margaret Thatcher for Maxim in 2004. Carrie Fischer has got nothing on this gal...other then Carrie's are real. Then again Lucy has got nothing on... except a smile.

<html><object width="498" height="420"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Gh98Km3fdKw&rel=0"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Gh98Km3fdKw&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="498" height="420"></embed></object></html>
!MILF - Dirty Skanks
A little ditty from Australia's Dirty Skanks, entitled ''MILF''. It is a nice little song about something we all love.
Their debut album “Voluptuosity” is covered in chunky mud fuelled with hormones and alcohol, built from brutally thick funk rock riffs, and iced with a feel good pop rock energy! While listening to the album inspired by the old school Jayne Mansfield and Bridget Bardot built bodies, the tracks will remind you of how dirty Rock was intended to be.
Get more info over at http://www.myspace.com/dirtyskanks

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!MILF and the Milkman
Watch as the MILF lures the innocent milkman into her sinister web of seduction.
It's from Monty Python's Flying Circus "And Now For Something Completely Different" movie.

I’m a MILF-man and a MILF-man knows,
The finest sex comes from mature hos!
----
I hate when I have to use a word I don't like just to make the rhyme.
*Mature
*Intelligent
*Lusty
*Female
That is what MILF stands for.... ya right.
For more info see: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=milf

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Mama knows what she wants...A big hard throbbing machine vibrating between her legs all night long.

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!Magda Gomez - Fashion TV Photo Shoot
Sexy Brazilian Magda Gomez posing for her 2006 'For Men' calendar. 
See the end result by clicking on the picture.
[img[http://image.excite.it/calendari/2006/gomes/big/ottobre.jpg][http://calendari.excite.it/2006/donne/gomes]]

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Use this to impress your date, then have them help you sample it. Should make for an entertaining date.
*100cc of sweetened condensed milk 
*2.5 tablespoons of instant coffee
*200cc of wiskey
*150cc of hot water
Only one small change to the directions: Use the hot water to get all of the condensed milk out of the container.

<html><table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0"><tr><td align="center"><embed src="http://www.livevideo.com/flvplayer/embed/5B38A826730B4537AA37496122D53A2B&thumb=1&autoStart=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" quality="high" WIDTH="445" HEIGHT="405" wmode="transparent"></embed><br/><a target="_new" href="http://www.livevideo.com/video/5B38A826730B4537AA37496122D53A2B/make-my-boobies-one-more-size.aspx?tx_cid=20493&tx_event=embedLink">Make My Boobies One More Size</a></td></tr></table></html>
The original lyrics for this song.

In our ever on going quest to make things easier on you, the customer, we have decided to cut out some of the outdated and cumbersom steps in our ordering process. Below is a comparison of our new & old systems.

!Old Method:
   1. Customer places order
   2. We ship order to customer
   3. Customer is dissatisfide with product and returns it for thier money back
   4. We send customer a bill for Shipping & Handling 

!New Method (patent pending):
   1. We send customer a bill for Shipping & Handling

We strongly believe that not only will these changes make things eaisier on you, the customer, but also will allow us to cut down on overhead, driving our profits through the roof. And unlike other companies that have had a reduction in the amount of shipping that they do, we are not laying anyone off. We are transitioning all of our shipping staff into claims processors.

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!Manix Condoms
I'm not exactly sure how portraying their product as the thing that will ultimately destroy our planet is going to sell more condoms

Manuel Del Usario is one of the Del Usario Brothers out at [[The Greater St. Louis Renaissance Faire]]. Lots of folks know him as "the guy in tights". He does this silly little dance in front of the ''Gallerie de' Imagination''. 

His brothers are Finale, Amigo, and Jesus Cristi. They claim to be Basque and are quite silly.

<html><embed flashVars="playerVars=videoTitle=Mar C Dance|showStats=no|autoPlay=no|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/363437/mar_c_dance.swf" width="800" height="620" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/363437/mar_c_dance/">Mar C Dance</a></html>
!Mar C Dance
Damn, I wonder if she can do that all night long? But then how many dollar bills would I have to spend for a lap dance that last that long?

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/422245/mardi_gras_babes.swf" width="800" height="640" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/422245/mardi_gras_babes/">Mardi Gras Babes</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>The funniest movie is here. Find it</a></font></html>
!Mardi Gras Babes
Mardi Gras babes just got to show what they have to offer. That's why I bought stock in a bead store. I even get a 50% discount!

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/468118/mardi_gras_extravaganza_fierita_funny_reporter_proper.swf" width="800" height="640" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/468118/mardi_gras_extravaganza_fierita_funny_reporter_proper/">Mardi Gras Extravaganza Fierita Funny Reporter PROPER</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>The best home videos are here</a></font></html>
!Mardi Gras Extravaganza
Fierita enters New Orleans French Quarter to celebrate sexy Mardi Gras, with a lot of boob flashing, booze and craziness going on, this is a perfect destination for the World's Funniest Reporter , Fierita.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/466595/marina_sirtis_the_wicked_lady_2.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/466595/marina_sirtis_the_wicked_lady_2/">Marina Sirtis - The Wicked Lady 2</a> </font></html>
!Marina Sirtis - The Wicked Lady
I used to spend a lot of time picturing her topless while watching Star Trek...and now I can.
I've been waiting for this almost as long as I've been wating for a new Starcraft game to come out, and now I get them both in the same week!

Here is everything that you wanted to know about marketing:

You see a gorgeous girl at a party; you go up to her and say "I'm fantastic in bed".
That's Direct Marketing.


One of your friends goes up to her, points at you and says "He's fantastic in bed"
That's Advertising.


You go up to her and get her number. The next day you call and say "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed"
That's Telemarketing.


You straighten your tie, walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed".
That's Public Relations.


She walks up to you and says "I hear you're fantastic in bed"
That's Brand Recognition.

If she laughs at you then you need better marketing.

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<html><embed src="http://www.vsocial.com/ups/280674041f3f0e04b28f8c0895d39cde" height="400" width="410"></embed></html>
!Mason v Princess Superstar - Exceeder (Perfect)
From the dance label Ultra Records, which brings some of the greatest electronic DJ's, acts and producers in the world, they now bring you one of the most pulse-raising videos around. This video is sexy – plain and simple. You’ve got deliciously sultry girls in skin-tight work-out clothes and hot, shirtless guys, stretching, flexing, and performing quite scandalous ball and gymnastic routines. It’s sure to make you want to drop everything and head to the gym. Set in the background is the booty-shaking beat of Mason v Princess Superstar’s “Exceeder (Perfect).” Must we say more? Watch this video and get your blood boiling. Ultra Records' primary emphasis is electronic music, widely ranging from progressive trance to house to commercial cross-over to downtempo music. 
http://www.ultrarecords.com/

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After a hard day at work a woman wants nothing more then to go home and have someone hold her feet up. 
The other thing they like is to have someone massage her feet.

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Lets see; done naked, often two on one, lots of lube. What is there not to like about this?

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My experience is that they work best of both of you are naked.

<html>
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!Masturbation Gesture Failed
He shots. He scores. And a lot of women are going to really like this video.

<html><span><embed src="http://www.livevideo.com/flvplayer/embed/32D58D7913D5481ABF9B88A482A53F36" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" quality="high" WIDTH="445" HEIGHT="405" wmode="transparent"></embed><br/><a href="http://www.livevideo.com/video/embedLink/32D58D7913D5481ABF9B88A482A53F36/28782/horny-car-gear-.aspx">Horny Car GEAR!</a></span></html>
She was bound to get tired eventually, not to mention very disappointed.

<html><div><object width="520" height="406"><param name="movie" value="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/1Ow9JfFyFxY2gbXLe"></param><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/1Ow9JfFyFxY2gbXLe" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="520" height="406" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object><br /><b><a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1p43o_mcdonalds-drive-thru-rap">McDonalds drive thru Rap</a></b><br /><i>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/damthebadluk2">damthebadluk2</a></i></div></html>
!McDonald's drive thru Rap
Can you picture everyone ordering like this? They'd never get it right. They mess up my order half the time I go to McDonald's and all I say is "I want a large #3 with Coke".

<html><div><object width="425" height="335"><param name="movie" value="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/5iML4H5PnLEhU5Ttb"></param><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/5iML4H5PnLEhU5Ttb" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="334" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object><br /><b><a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xu405_allerauboulotlelundi">aller_au_boulot_le_lundi</a></b><br /><i>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/mickeykiller77">mickeykiller77</a></i></div></html>

We've all heard about people having guts or balls.  But do you really know the difference between them?  In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...
*''GUTS'' - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:  "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
*''BALLS'' - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.  Medically Speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.

Members of the super exclusive AlmostPorn club have open invitations to all video shoots and after parties.

They get to help shape AlmostPorn by contributing stories, media and articles.
They also gain access to the secret parts of AlmostPorn by visiting [[this page|members69.htm]].

<<search>> <<fontSize font-size: >> <html><a href="http://www.digitalpoint.com/tools/geovisitors/" target="_blank"><img src="http://geo.digitalpoint.com/a.png" alt="Map of visitors" style="border:0"></a> <a href="http://www.maploco.com/view.php?id=1268330"><img border=0 height="1px" width="1px"src="http://www.maploco.com/vmap/1268330.png" alt="Visitor Map"></a></html>

Met a little blond 
with no panties on
She'd suck for days, and fuck for a week
Six men couldn't satisfy her at her peak
She'd swalow them down and be beggin' for more
And she did it all for free as she ain't no whore

She likes her men both black and white
and she likes a girl three times every night
'cause eatin' a muffin is her true delight
for it makes her into an erotic sight

[img[images/sexy/michelletrachtenberg-real-eurotrash.jpg]]
[img[images/sexy/michelletrachtenberg-fake-eurotrash.jpg]]
!Michelle Trachtenberg - Why you can't always believe pictures
This is a perfect example of what can be done by someone with a little time and a bit of skill.

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!Microsoft Surface Parody
Some day your computer will be a big ass table....
Ok, so personally I want one of these big ass table computers, or at least the big touch screen. I think the actual computer part should be the size of a cell phone. I should be able to hook-up wirelessly to the table. If one person is using it then they get the whole surface, if two computers are hooked in then each gets half so they can transfer files from one to the other just by dragging it over, or they can combine to share the main surface. Picture video games where you get to bring your customized character to the local bar and match up against other players who brought their characters on their computer.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/180774/mikeys_computer.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/180774/mikeys_computer/">Mikey's Computer - video powered by Metacafe</a></font></html>

So sad. So true.

<html><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/gkb0dK0JXow"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/gkb0dK0JXow" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></html>
!Milking it for all it is worth
This is a pretty funny video of a contestant with huge boobs being made fun of on the ''Friend or Foe'' game show. The host is pretty good looking herself, as well as witty.

<html><object height="600" width="800">
    <param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/0Vg52jfIqFU">
    <embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/0Vg52jfIqFU" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="never" height="600" width="800">
</object></html>
!Bonnie Delight at the Miss Exotic World Pageant
My friend Bonnie's performance at the Miss Exotic World pageant a couple of years ago! See and read more at http://bonniedelight.livejournal.com/ or view her videos at: http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=MissBonnieDelight

<html><embed flashVars="playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/388743/miss_colita_del_verano.swf" width="800" height="674" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/388743/miss_colita_del_verano/">Miss Colita Del Verano - video powered by Metacafe</a></font></html>
!Miss Butt of the Summer
It must be a very tough job to be a judge on ''Miss Butt of the Summer'' contest, but I think I am up to the task.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=no|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/602767/winner_of_miss_poledance_australia_2006.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/602767/winner_of_miss_poledance_australia_2006/">Winner Of Miss Poledance Australia 2006</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>More bloopers are a click away</a></font></html>
!Miss Poledance Australia 2006
Just picture those strong legs wrapped around you.
And doesn't she kind of remind you of Alyson Hannigan (Willow in Buffy the Vampire Slayer)?

[img[http://www.mistressmatisse.com/blogclamp.jpg]]
Seattle writer/professional dominatrix's personal musings, rants and life-trivia...
http://mistressmatisse.blogspot.com/

[img[images/lessboobsinpublicoffice.jpg]]
!More Boobs in Public
Less Boobs in Public Office.
It is damn hard to argue with what these ladies are saying.

[img[images/silly/motivation.png]]
!Motivational Poster for men
It is Wednesday, and I already have in 42 hours for the week and it looks like I'll have to work Saturday as well. I come home each night with barely enough strength to open a beer. And yet I look forward to heading back in to work each day...at least I do ever since they hired her to come around and see if we need anything to eat or drink. Sometimes she even gives us shoulder rubs.

<!--{{{-->
<div class="toolbar" macro="toolbar +saveTiddler closeOthers -cancelTiddler deleteTiddler"></div>
<div class="title" macro="view title"></div>
<div class="editLabel">Title</div><div class="editor" macro="edit title"></div>
<div class="editLabel">Tags</div><div class="editor" macro="edit tags"></div>
<div class="editorFooter"><span macro="message views.editor.tagPrompt"></span><span macro="tagChooser"></span></div>
<div macro="showWhenExists EditPanelTemplate">[[EditPanelTemplate]]</div>
<div class="editor" macro="edit text"></div>
<!--}}}-->

/*{{{*/
/* a contrasting background so I can see where one tiddler ends and the other begins */
body {
	background: [[ColorPalette::TertiaryLight]];
}

/* sexy colours and font for the header */
.headerForeground {
	color: [[ColorPalette::PrimaryPale]];
}
.headerShadow, .headerShadow a {
	color: [[ColorPalette::PrimaryMid]];
}
.headerForeground, .headerShadow {
	padding: 1em 1em 0;
	font-family: 'Trebuchet MS' sans-serif;
	font-weight:bold;
}
.headerForeground .siteSubtitle {
	color: [[ColorPalette::PrimaryLight]];
}
.headerShadow .siteSubtitle {
	color: [[ColorPalette::PrimaryMid]];
}

/* make shadow go and down right instead of up and left */
.headerShadow {
	left: 1px;
	top: 1px;
}

/* prefer monospace for editing */
.editor textarea {
	font-family: 'Consolas' monospace;
}

/* sexy tiddler titles */
.title {
	font-size: 250%;
	color: [[ColorPalette::PrimaryLight]];
	font-family: 'Trebuchet MS' sans-serif;
}

/* more subtle tiddler subtitle */
.subtitle {
	padding:0px;
	margin:0px;
	padding-left:0.5em;
	font-size: 90%;
	color: [[ColorPalette::TertiaryMid]];
}
.subtitle .tiddlyLink {
	color: [[ColorPalette::TertiaryMid]];
}

/* a little bit of extra whitespace */
.viewer {
	padding-bottom:3px;
}

/* don't want any background color for headings */
h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 {
	background: [[ColorPalette::Background]];
	color: [[ColorPalette::Foreground]];
}

/* give tiddlers 3d style border and explicit background */
.tiddler {
	background: [[ColorPalette::Background]];
	border-left: 1px [[ColorPalette::TertiaryMid]] solid;
	border-top: 1px [[ColorPalette::TertiaryMid]] solid;
	border-right: 3px [[ColorPalette::TertiaryMid]] solid;
	border-bottom: 3px [[ColorPalette::TertiaryMid]] solid;
	margin-bottom: 1em;
	padding-bottom: 2em;
	-moz-border-radius: .8em;
}

/* make options slider look nicer */
#sidebarOptions .sliderPanel {
	border:solid 1px [[ColorPalette::PrimaryLight]];
}


/* the borders look wrong with the body background */
#sidebar .button {
	border-style: none;
}

/* displays the list of a tiddler's tags horizontally. used in ViewTemplate */
.tagglyTagged li.listTitle {
	display:none
}
.tagglyTagged li {
	display: inline; font-size:90%;
}
.tagglyTagged ul {
	margin:0px; padding:0px;
}

/* this means you can put line breaks in SidebarOptions for readability */
#sidebarOptions br {
	display:none;
}
/* undo the above in OptionsPanel */
#sidebarOptions .sliderPanel br {
	display:inline;
}

/* horizontal main menu stuff */
#displayArea {
	margin: 1em 15.7em 0em 1em; /* use the freed up space */
}
#topMenu br {
	display: none;
}
#topMenu {
	background: [[ColorPalette::PrimaryMid]];
	color:[[ColorPalette::PrimaryPale]];
}
#topMenu {
	padding:2px;
}
#topMenu .button, #topMenu .tiddlyLink, #topMenu a {
	margin-left: 0.5em;
	margin-right: 0.5em;
	padding-left: 3px;
	padding-right: 3px;
	color: [[ColorPalette::PrimaryPale]];
	font-size: 115%;
	
}
#topMenu .button:hover, #topMenu .tiddlyLink:hover, {
	background: [[ColorPalette::PrimaryDark]];
}

/* make it print a little cleaner */
@media print {
	#topMenu {
		display: none ! important;
	}
	/* not sure if we need all the importants */
	.tiddler {
		border-style: none ! important;
		margin:0px ! important;
		padding:0px ! important;
		padding-bottom:2em ! important;
	}
	.tagglyTagging .button, .tagglyTagging .hidebutton {
		display: none ! important;
	}
	.headerShadow {
		visibility: hidden ! important;
	}
	.tagglyTagged .quickopentag, .tagged .quickopentag {
		border-style: none ! important;
	}
	.quickopentag a.button, .miniTag {
		display: none ! important;
	}
}
/*}}}*/

MrOgre is the man to call when you need a lock changed, or maybe a little help when the key to the cuffs has gone missing.
http://mrogre.livejournal.com/

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/575738/my_best_assets.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/575738/my_best_assets/">My Best "assets"</a> </font></html>
!My Best "assets" - Real World Audition
Summery: I have tits. Guys like tits. I will be a great addition to the show. 

If you have to mention them, then it seems that is the only "asset" you have to bring to the show.

Say the following with a fake upperclass British accent, ala My Fair Lady

I'm so proud of my sweet little girl
For she is the best fuck in the world
With her legs spread oh so wide
She is quite a marvelous ride
You wonder how this I know?
All the girls tell me so

An attorney got home late one evening after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, James Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea to the governor for clemency had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through his front door, his wife started in on him: "What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?" And on and on and on and on...

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went to the liquor cabinet, poured himself a stiff shot of scotch, and headed off for a long, hot soak in the bathtub.

He was pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. His wife answered and was told that the governor had relented and granted her husband's client his stay of execution. She finally realized what a day he must have had and proceeded upstairs to give him the good news.

She opened the bathroom door and was greeted by the sight of her husband's rear end as he was bent over, naked, drying his legs and feet.

"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she announced.

He whirled around and screamed, "OH, FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!?"

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/455285/naked_girl_take_shower_at_car_park.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/455285/naked_girl_take_shower_at_car_park/">Naked Girl Take Shower At Car Park</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>Amazing videos are here</a></font></html>

!Naked Girl Take Shower At Car Park
Tell me again why we can't have ads like this in the US? Say after 10pm or so. Then again, why is it that Womens magazines normally have more skin shoing in the ads then in a Mens magazine, but you don't hear the women saying it is degrading to women.

pleasuring, hypocrisies, ironies
Because it’s not just the emperor who wears no clothes
[>img[http://www.threesomebook.com/images/PK_2.jpg]]
!![[Crystal Haidl's blog|http://nakedsexpolitics.blogspot.com/]]
> We're all naked 24/7 - some of us are just more candid about it. Catch a bit of my more intimate ponderings here. Sex and politics go together like sex and chocolate - enticing to the taste, and often decadent. I welcome your opinions on that and all else. (This blog is in Alpha-- budding like the bra-cup size...PHOTOS and Blog Index coming soon-- when someone can show me how...)
>
>Do you believe that forks are evolved from spoons?
>Forks are male in shape. Spoons are feminine. Embryonically,ladies came first, and that's why hetero gentlemen enjoy spooning their prongs :) PS: two spoons can cup and scoop each other and forks can jointly swell their saddles, too. 
She is the person who invented [[International Threesome Observance Day]].

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=no|blogName=AlmostPorn|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/682498/natalia_oreiro.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/682498/natalia_oreiro/">Natalia Oreiro</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>The funniest movie is here. Find it</a></font></html>
!Natalia Oreiro
Natalia Marisa Oreiro Iglesias Poggio Bourié (born May 19, 1977 in Montevideo, Uruguay) is a popular Latin Grammy-nominated Uruguayan singer and actress that developed most of her career in Argentina. In one of her roles she does this lovely striptease.
[img[http://usuarios.lycos.es/elgalleguayo/natalia_oreiro_33.jpg][http://usuarios.lycos.es/elgalleguayo/]]

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists.
One was a Yuppie from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a hick redneck from Alabama.

The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu".

The Duke graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem:
>Slowly across the desert sand
>Trekked the dusty caravan.
>Men on camels, two by two
>Destination - Timbuktu.

The audience went wild!!! How, they wondered, could the redneck top that?! The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:
>Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
>Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
>They was three, we was two,
>So I bucked one and Timbuktu.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/313482/chocolate_ad.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/313482/chocolate_ad/">Chocolate Ad</a></html>
!Naughty Chocolate Ad
Why didn't my next door neighbor look like this when I was that age? No, instead I had 50 year old, 350 lbs. of Mrs. Wilson on one side and some white trash woman who never wore a bra next to me on the other. White trash woman's breast hung down to her belt and looked like socks with a handful of pennies at the end of them. Now that I have described them I think I am going to have nightmares about them again. Thanks for setting my therapy back 10 years.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=videoTitle=Ikea Commercial|showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/637382/ikea_commercial.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/637382/ikea_commercial/">Ikea Commercial</a></font></html>
!Naughty Ikea Commercial
Some times you furniture just can't handle your life style.

So NeoPets has out a game that teaches kids that slimmer is prettier. Even says so in the instructions. http://www.neopets.com/games/letea/game1.phtml

"le tea: Slimmer and Prettier
Grab the le tea drinks and avoid the other bottled drinks!
Each girl can catch the le tea bottles while standing upright. To avoid the other bottled drinks, click on the girl to make her dodge. Clicking on her again will bring the girl back to the normal standing position. Catch 3 bottles of le tea in a row to earn bonus points. The game will end when you miss 6 le tea bottles. Catch the le tea bottles and become slimmer and prettier!" 
Of course "Le Tea" is some Japanese diet drink, but damn it, do we need kids to learn to be unhappy with thier bodies, not to mention being told to think that only skinny girls can be pretty? 
Hell, next they should just make the "Bulimia is fun" game. Eat all the food on your plate but make sure you get to the toilet to puke before anyone sees you gain weight. I am sure some hospital will pay to be advertised.

<html><embed flashVars="playerVars=videoTitle=Booty Shaking|showStats=yes|autoPlay=no|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/285020/booty_shaking.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/285020/booty_shaking/">Booty Shaking - video powered by Metacafe</a></font></html>
!Nerdy Girl Dancing
Something about a girl in glasses... She is a librarian in her normal day-to-day life, I bet.
Click the pic to see a big pic of her: [img[Hot Nerd Girl|images/hot_nerd-thumb.jpg][images/hot_nerd.jpg]]<<imagebox 'Hot Nerd Girl' 945 1330>>
I almost feel sorry for the security guard. Forced to look but knows he can't touch.

/***
|Name|NestedSlidersPlugin|
|Source|http://www.TiddlyTools.com/#NestedSlidersPlugin|
|Documentation|http://www.TiddlyTools.com/#NestedSlidersPluginInfo|
|Version|2.4.9|
|Author|Eric Shulman|
|License|http://www.TiddlyTools.com/#LegalStatements|
|~CoreVersion|2.1|
|Type|plugin|
|Description|show content in nest-able sliding/floating panels, without creating separate tiddlers for each panel's content|
!!!!!Documentation
>see [[NestedSlidersPluginInfo]]
!!!!!Configuration
<<<
<<option chkFloatingSlidersAnimate>> allow floating sliders to animate when opening/closing
>Note: This setting can cause 'clipping' problems in some versions of InternetExplorer.
>In addition, for floating slider animation to occur you must also allow animation in general (see [[AdvancedOptions]]).
<<<
!!!!!Revisions
<<<
2008.11.15 - 2.4.9 in adjustNestedSlider(), don't make adjustments if panel is marked as 'undocked' (CSS class).  In onClickNestedSlider(), SHIFT-CLICK docks panel (see [[MoveablePanelPlugin]])
|please see [[NestedSlidersPluginInfo]] for additional revision details|
2005.11.03 - 1.0.0 initial public release.  Thanks to RodneyGomes, GeoffSlocock, and PaulPetterson for suggestions and experiments.
<<<
!!!!!Code
***/
//{{{
version.extensions.NestedSlidersPlugin= {major: 2, minor: 4, revision: 9, date: new Date(2008,11,15)};

// options for deferred rendering of sliders that are not initially displayed
if (config.options.chkFloatingSlidersAnimate===undefined)
	config.options.chkFloatingSlidersAnimate=false; // avoid clipping problems in IE

// default styles for 'floating' class
setStylesheet(".floatingPanel { position:absolute; z-index:10; padding:0.5em; margin:0em; \
	background-color:#eee; color:#000; border:1px solid #000; text-align:left; }","floatingPanelStylesheet");

// if removeCookie() function is not defined by TW core, define it here.
if (window.removeCookie===undefined) {
	window.removeCookie=function(name) {
		document.cookie = name+'=; expires=Thu, 01-Jan-1970 00:00:01 UTC; path=/;'; 
	}
}

config.formatters.push( {
	name: "nestedSliders",
	match: "\\n?\\+{3}",
	terminator: "\\s*\\={3}\\n?",
	lookahead: "\\n?\\+{3}(\\+)?(\\([^\\)]*\\))?(\\!*)?(\\^(?:[^\\^\\*\\@\\[\\>]*\\^)?)?(\\*)?(\\@)?(?:\\{\\{([\\w]+[\\s\\w]*)\\{)?(\\[[^\\]]*\\])?(\\[[^\\]]*\\])?(?:\\}{3})?(\\#[^:]*\\:)?(\\>)?(\\.\\.\\.)?\\s*",
	handler: function(w)
		{
			lookaheadRegExp = new RegExp(this.lookahead,"mg");
			lookaheadRegExp.lastIndex = w.matchStart;
			var lookaheadMatch = lookaheadRegExp.exec(w.source)
			if(lookaheadMatch && lookaheadMatch.index == w.matchStart)
			{
				var defopen=lookaheadMatch[1];
				var cookiename=lookaheadMatch[2];
				var header=lookaheadMatch[3];
				var panelwidth=lookaheadMatch[4];
				var transient=lookaheadMatch[5];
				var hover=lookaheadMatch[6];
				var buttonClass=lookaheadMatch[7];
				var label=lookaheadMatch[8];
				var openlabel=lookaheadMatch[9];
				var panelID=lookaheadMatch[10];
				var blockquote=lookaheadMatch[11];
				var deferred=lookaheadMatch[12];

				// location for rendering button and panel
				var place=w.output;

				// default to closed, no cookie, no accesskey, no alternate text/tip
				var show="none"; var cookie=""; var key="";
				var closedtext=">"; var closedtip="";
				var openedtext="<"; var openedtip="";

				// extra "+", default to open
				if (defopen) show="block";

				// cookie, use saved open/closed state
				if (cookiename) {
					cookie=cookiename.trim().slice(1,-1);
					cookie="chkSlider"+cookie;
					if (config.options[cookie]==undefined)
						{ config.options[cookie] = (show=="block") }
					show=config.options[cookie]?"block":"none";
				}

				// parse label/tooltip/accesskey: [label=X|tooltip]
				if (label) {
					var parts=label.trim().slice(1,-1).split("|");
					closedtext=parts.shift();
					if (closedtext.substr(closedtext.length-2,1)=="=")	
						{ key=closedtext.substr(closedtext.length-1,1); closedtext=closedtext.slice(0,-2); }
					openedtext=closedtext;
					if (parts.length) closedtip=openedtip=parts.join("|");
					else { closedtip="show "+closedtext; openedtip="hide "+closedtext; }
				}

				// parse alternate label/tooltip: [label|tooltip]
				if (openlabel) {
					var parts=openlabel.trim().slice(1,-1).split("|");
					openedtext=parts.shift();
					if (parts.length) openedtip=parts.join("|");
					else openedtip="hide "+openedtext;
				}

				var title=show=='block'?openedtext:closedtext;
				var tooltip=show=='block'?openedtip:closedtip;

				// create the button
				if (header) { // use "Hn" header format instead of button/link
					var lvl=(header.length>5)?5:header.length;
					var btn = createTiddlyElement(createTiddlyElement(place,"h"+lvl,null,null,null),"a",null,buttonClass,title);
					btn.onclick=onClickNestedSlider;
					btn.setAttribute("href","javascript:;");
					btn.setAttribute("title",tooltip);
				}
				else
					var btn = createTiddlyButton(place,title,tooltip,onClickNestedSlider,buttonClass);
				btn.innerHTML=title; // enables use of HTML entities in label

				// set extra button attributes
				btn.setAttribute("closedtext",closedtext);
				btn.setAttribute("closedtip",closedtip);
				btn.setAttribute("openedtext",openedtext);
				btn.setAttribute("openedtip",openedtip);
				btn.sliderCookie = cookie; // save the cookiename (if any) in the button object
				btn.defOpen=defopen!=null; // save default open/closed state (boolean)
				btn.keyparam=key; // save the access key letter ("" if none)
				if (key.length) {
					btn.setAttribute("accessKey",key); // init access key
					btn.onfocus=function(){this.setAttribute("accessKey",this.keyparam);}; // **reclaim** access key on focus
				}
				btn.setAttribute("hover",hover?"true":"false");
				btn.onmouseover=function(ev) {
					// optional 'open on hover' handling
					if (this.getAttribute("hover")=="true" && this.sliderPanel.style.display=='none') {
						document.onclick.call(document,ev); // close transients
						onClickNestedSlider(ev); // open this slider
					}
					// mouseover on button aligns floater position with button
					if (window.adjustSliderPos) window.adjustSliderPos(this.parentNode,this,this.sliderPanel);
				}

				// create slider panel
				var panelClass=panelwidth?"floatingPanel":"sliderPanel";
				if (panelID) panelID=panelID.slice(1,-1); // trim off delimiters
				var panel=createTiddlyElement(place,"div",panelID,panelClass,null);
				panel.button = btn; // so the slider panel know which button it belongs to
				btn.sliderPanel=panel; // so the button knows which slider panel it belongs to
				panel.defaultPanelWidth=(panelwidth && panelwidth.length>2)?panelwidth.slice(1,-1):"";
				panel.setAttribute("transient",transient=="*"?"true":"false");
				panel.style.display = show;
				panel.style.width=panel.defaultPanelWidth;
				panel.onmouseover=function(event) // mouseover on panel aligns floater position with button
					{ if (window.adjustSliderPos) window.adjustSliderPos(this.parentNode,this.button,this); }

				// render slider (or defer until shown) 
				w.nextMatch = lookaheadMatch.index + lookaheadMatch[0].length;
				if ((show=="block")||!deferred) {
					// render now if panel is supposed to be shown or NOT deferred rendering
					w.subWikify(blockquote?createTiddlyElement(panel,"blockquote"):panel,this.terminator);
					// align floater position with button
					if (window.adjustSliderPos) window.adjustSliderPos(place,btn,panel);
				}
				else {
					var src = w.source.substr(w.nextMatch);
					var endpos=findMatchingDelimiter(src,"+++","===");
					panel.setAttribute("raw",src.substr(0,endpos));
					panel.setAttribute("blockquote",blockquote?"true":"false");
					panel.setAttribute("rendered","false");
					w.nextMatch += endpos+3;
					if (w.source.substr(w.nextMatch,1)=="\n") w.nextMatch++;
				}
			}
		}
	}
)

function findMatchingDelimiter(src,starttext,endtext) {
	var startpos = 0;
	var endpos = src.indexOf(endtext);
	// check for nested delimiters
	while (src.substring(startpos,endpos-1).indexOf(starttext)!=-1) {
		// count number of nested 'starts'
		var startcount=0;
		var temp = src.substring(startpos,endpos-1);
		var pos=temp.indexOf(starttext);
		while (pos!=-1)  { startcount++; pos=temp.indexOf(starttext,pos+starttext.length); }
		// set up to check for additional 'starts' after adjusting endpos
		startpos=endpos+endtext.length;
		// find endpos for corresponding number of matching 'ends'
		while (startcount && endpos!=-1) {
			endpos = src.indexOf(endtext,endpos+endtext.length);
			startcount--;
		}
	}
	return (endpos==-1)?src.length:endpos;
}
//}}}
//{{{
window.onClickNestedSlider=function(e)
{
	if (!e) var e = window.event;
	var theTarget = resolveTarget(e);
	while (theTarget && theTarget.sliderPanel==undefined) theTarget=theTarget.parentNode;
	if (!theTarget) return false;
	var theSlider = theTarget.sliderPanel;
	var isOpen = theSlider.style.display!="none";

	// if SHIFT-CLICK, dock panel first (see [[MoveablePanelPlugin]])
	if (e.shiftKey && config.macros.moveablePanel) config.macros.moveablePanel.dock(theSlider,e);

	// toggle label
	theTarget.innerHTML=isOpen?theTarget.getAttribute("closedText"):theTarget.getAttribute("openedText");
	// toggle tooltip
	theTarget.setAttribute("title",isOpen?theTarget.getAttribute("closedTip"):theTarget.getAttribute("openedTip"));

	// deferred rendering (if needed)
	if (theSlider.getAttribute("rendered")=="false") {
		var place=theSlider;
		if (theSlider.getAttribute("blockquote")=="true")
			place=createTiddlyElement(place,"blockquote");
		wikify(theSlider.getAttribute("raw"),place);
		theSlider.setAttribute("rendered","true");
	}

	// show/hide the slider
	if(config.options.chkAnimate && (!hasClass(theSlider,'floatingPanel') || config.options.chkFloatingSlidersAnimate))
		anim.startAnimating(new Slider(theSlider,!isOpen,e.shiftKey || e.altKey,"none"));
	else
		theSlider.style.display = isOpen ? "none" : "block";

	// reset to default width (might have been changed via plugin code)
	theSlider.style.width=theSlider.defaultPanelWidth;

	// align floater panel position with target button
	if (!isOpen && window.adjustSliderPos) window.adjustSliderPos(theSlider.parentNode,theTarget,theSlider);

	// if showing panel, set focus to first 'focus-able' element in panel
	if (theSlider.style.display!="none") {
		var ctrls=theSlider.getElementsByTagName("*");
		for (var c=0; c<ctrls.length; c++) {
			var t=ctrls[c].tagName.toLowerCase();
			if ((t=="input" && ctrls[c].type!="hidden") || t=="textarea" || t=="select")
				{ try{ ctrls[c].focus(); } catch(err){;} break; }
		}
	}
	var cookie=theTarget.sliderCookie;
	if (cookie && cookie.length) {
		config.options[cookie]=!isOpen;
		if (config.options[cookie]!=theTarget.defOpen) window.saveOptionCookie(cookie);
		else window.removeCookie(cookie); // remove cookie if slider is in default display state
	}

	// prevent SHIFT-CLICK from being processed by browser (opens blank window... yuck!)
	// prevent clicks *within* a slider button from being processed by browser
	// but allow plain click to bubble up to page background (to close transients, if any)
	if (e.shiftKey || theTarget!=resolveTarget(e))
		{ e.cancelBubble=true; if (e.stopPropagation) e.stopPropagation(); }
	Popup.remove(); // close open popup (if any)
	return false;
}
//}}}
//{{{
// click in document background closes transient panels 
document.nestedSliders_savedOnClick=document.onclick;
document.onclick=function(ev) { if (!ev) var ev=window.event; var target=resolveTarget(ev);

	if (document.nestedSliders_savedOnClick)
		var retval=document.nestedSliders_savedOnClick.apply(this,arguments);
	// if click was inside a popup... leave transient panels alone
	var p=target; while (p) if (hasClass(p,"popup")) break; else p=p.parentNode;
	if (p) return retval;
	// if click was inside transient panel (or something contained by a transient panel), leave it alone
	var p=target; while (p) {
		if ((hasClass(p,"floatingPanel")||hasClass(p,"sliderPanel"))&&p.getAttribute("transient")=="true") break;
		p=p.parentNode;
	}
	if (p) return retval;
	// otherwise, find and close all transient panels...
	var all=document.all?document.all:document.getElementsByTagName("DIV");
	for (var i=0; i<all.length; i++) {
		 // if it is not a transient panel, or the click was on the button that opened this panel, don't close it.
		if (all[i].getAttribute("transient")!="true" || all[i].button==target) continue;
		// otherwise, if the panel is currently visible, close it by clicking it's button
		if (all[i].style.display!="none") window.onClickNestedSlider({target:all[i].button})
		if (!hasClass(all[i],"floatingPanel")&&!hasClass(all[i],"sliderPanel")) all[i].style.display="none";
	}
	return retval;
};
//}}}
//{{{
// adjust floating panel position based on button position
if (window.adjustSliderPos==undefined) window.adjustSliderPos=function(place,btn,panel) {
	if (hasClass(panel,"floatingPanel") && !hasClass(panel,"undocked")) {
		// see [[MoveablePanelPlugin]] for use of 'undocked'
		var rightEdge=document.body.offsetWidth-1;
		var panelWidth=panel.offsetWidth;
		var left=0;
		var top=btn.offsetHeight; 
		if (place.style.position=="relative" && findPosX(btn)+panelWidth>rightEdge) {
			left-=findPosX(btn)+panelWidth-rightEdge; // shift panel relative to button
			if (findPosX(btn)+left<0) left=-findPosX(btn); // stay within left edge
		}
		if (place.style.position!="relative") {
			var left=findPosX(btn);
			var top=findPosY(btn)+btn.offsetHeight;
			var p=place; while (p && !hasClass(p,'floatingPanel')) p=p.parentNode;
			if (p) { left-=findPosX(p); top-=findPosY(p); }
			if (left+panelWidth>rightEdge) left=rightEdge-panelWidth;
			if (left<0) left=0;
		}
		panel.style.left=left+"px"; panel.style.top=top+"px";
	}
}
//}}}
//{{{
// TW2.1 and earlier:
// hijack Slider stop handler so overflow is visible after animation has completed
Slider.prototype.coreStop = Slider.prototype.stop;
Slider.prototype.stop = function()
	{ this.coreStop.apply(this,arguments); this.element.style.overflow = "visible"; }

// TW2.2+
// hijack Morpher stop handler so sliderPanel/floatingPanel overflow is visible after animation has completed
if (version.major+.1*version.minor+.01*version.revision>=2.2) {
	Morpher.prototype.coreStop = Morpher.prototype.stop;
	Morpher.prototype.stop = function() {
		this.coreStop.apply(this,arguments);
		var e=this.element;
		if (hasClass(e,"sliderPanel")||hasClass(e,"floatingPanel")) {
			// adjust panel overflow and position after animation
			e.style.overflow = "visible";
			if (window.adjustSliderPos) window.adjustSliderPos(e.parentNode,e.button,e);
		}
	};
}
//}}}

[img[images/alphahuman.jpg]]
!New Chart to Teach Adults the Alphabet
I promise they will study it for hours.
Also works well for teenagers.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=no|blogName=AlmostPorn|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/669518/new_sexy_heroine.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/669518/new_sexy_heroine/">New Sexy Heroine</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>Click here for another funny movie. </a></font></html>
!New Sexy Super Heroine
A new kind of American Hero. A new kind of Super Power.
Warning to all villains and thugs there is a new girl in town: ''Supertits''. 
"Wonder Woman ain't shit". "Supergirl can kiss my ass". "Harley Quinn, give me a call".

<html><object height="350" width="400"><param name="movie" value="http://embed.break.com/MjE5MDMw"><embed src="http://embed.break.com/MjE5MDMw" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" height="350" width="400"></object></html>
!Newton's Law of Motion - Learn it and Live it
#Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.
#The relationship between an object's mass (m), its acceleration (a), and the applied force (F) is F = ma. Acceleration and force are vectors; in this law the direction of the force vector is the same as the direction of the acceleration vector.
#For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
What this all means is that when you fuck up it can really, really hurt. And some times that is funny. Well, at least to other people. Your hurtin' and will not be able to laugh at this till you see the video of it.

<html><embed flashVars="playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/321774/nice_fit.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/321774/nice_fit/">Nice Fit - video powered by Metacafe</a></font></html>
Always ask the sales lady to check your fit.

[img[images/nicetits.jpg]]
!Nice Tits
Not  clue of who she is, but I like what I see.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/634817/nice_cow.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/634817/nice_cow/">Nice Cow</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>The funniest home videos are here</a></font></html>
!Nice udders on this one
A classic joke made into a video.

<html><object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="450" height="405" id="FlowPlayer" data="http://www.foundrymusic.com/modules/customtags/FlowPlayer.swf"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="never" /><param name="movie" value="http://www.foundrymusic.com/modules/customtags/FlowPlayer.swf" /><param name="quality" value="high" /><param name="wmode" value="transparent" /><param name="flashvars" value="videoFile=http://files.foundrymusic.com/video/04142007_2009.flv" /></object></html>
!Nicole in cut up shorts
Super-sexy Nicole has sent in another great video tribute to the Opie and Anthony show by painting up her chest and butt with Opie, Anthony, and Jim Norton's names...as if you'd even be paying attention to that.

<html><embed flashVars="playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/280403/budlight_beer_funny.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/280403/budlight_beer_funny/">Budlight Beer Funny - video powered by Metacafe</a></font></html>
!No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service
Now that is using your head to get what you want.

[img[images/silly/kidsexchange.jpg]]
!Not happy with your kid?
Then just bring them on down to ''Kid Sex Change'', and we will get you a child with the gender you dreamed of.
I am really hoping that this is just a bad choice of signs, but if not it should go over big in Asia.

What part of ''Not Mine'' don't you get? 
Means I found it laying on the side of the information super highway. 
Is it yours?

Actually I guess I need to explain that sometimes the part that is not mine is what I want to comment about. Such as [[Church sign value]].

[img[http://media1.break.com/dnet/media/2007/3/mar24nsfw01.jpg]]
!Now this is a thong
No denying that this is one nice little thong. And what it ain't covering is really nice, too.
http://break.com

<html><embed flashVars="playerVars=videoTitle=Nudity|showStats=no|autoPlay=no|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/348206/nudity.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/348206/nudity/">Nudity - video powered by Metacafe</a></font></html>
!Nudist On Jerry Springer
OK, there are parts of what she babbles about that make sense, parts that come across as insanity. Can you tell which is which? 
Also, face it. I am doubting that she is at her finest moment when this was filmed. It can be a bit hard to come up with smart conversation when sitting in front of an audience.
If youd like to see more [[Part 2 is here|Nudist On Jerry Springer 2]].

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=no|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/97063/jerry_springer_no_clothes.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/97063/jerry_springer_no_clothes/">Jerry Springer - No Clothes</a></font></html>
!Nudist On Jerry Springer 2
Yea! She got her nudist friends to join her!
And here is [[Part 1|Nudist On Jerry Springer]]

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/426172/nuns_against_porn.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/426172/nuns_against_porn/">Nuns Against Porn</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>Funny bloopers R us</a></font></html>
!Nuns Against Porn
They are sick of receiving all those hot titillating spam messages full of descriptions of naughty, perverted, sex acts. And now they want to do something about it with you.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/440389/one_night_stand.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/440389/one_night_stand/">One Night Stand</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>The funniest movie is here. Find it</a></font></html>
!One Night Stand
It seemed like such a good idea the night before, but sometimes people come with baggage.
Remember this the next time your out at the bar.

I was cut off by a SUV owned by a Bush supporting', cell phone yakin', Jesus fish.
When I tapped my horn to alert him I was there he flipped me the finger (Look Ma, both hands off the wheel!) and drifted momentarily into another lane pissing off even more folks.

Now I have always assumed that Bush supporters were all "mine, mine, mine" types, and that only idiots yak on the cell phone while driving fast in heavy side street traffic, but I thought that the Jesus fish meant he was a christian. Don't christians have this whole turn the other cheek, charity, do unto others, good will towards others thing to live by? Guess that only counts on Sunday for this guy.

Follow up with this in: [[Fish Symbol on Cars Explained]]

It started an hour after I got to work. Just an e-mail from her telling me what she wanted from me when I got home from work. While I was in a meeting she sent a text message describing in detail what she was going to do with it. 15 minutes before I left it was a phone call, her voice pleading with me to hurry home. Needless to say I didn't waste any time getting to the apartment.

She ran to me as soon as I walked into the room, dropping to her knees and eagerly grabbing it. She struggled to get it uncovered and exposed, refusing my offers to help. Oh, how I enjoyed looking down and seeing her eyes light up once she had it bare. She ran her tongue gently from the base to the tip, and then back down, repeating her actions until her tongue knew every part of it. Coming back to the top she teased herself and me by flicking that red tongue over the tip again and again, all the while looking up at me.

All to soon she couldn’t resist the temptation and had to try and fit it all in her mouth, her lips straining as she forced them around it’s girth. Once she had the thickest part in she forced more and more of it deep into her mouth till the tip was filling the back of her throat. I could tell by her eyes that she was disappointed she could not manage the last several inches, but her tongue was moving quickly, licking all she could reach. She plunged it in and out of her mouth, sometimes very quickly, others slowly. Occasionally she would pull it all the way out so that she could lick the parts she couldn’t reach otherwise, staring up into my eyes, knowing I love to watch her do it.

Her excitement started to get to me I realized as I heard myself making encouraging noise to her. All to soon it was over and she leaned back with her mouth open wide to show me what it had left inside, her tongue darting out to lick up the juices running down her chin. What the tongue missed was quickly scooped up with her fingers, leading to her sucking each one of them clean. I grabbed her hand pulling her up to me, into a passionate kiss, tasting the last of the juice. After a minute or two we broke and I whispered gently in her ear, “I am bringing a Bomb Pop home every night.”

+++[Read more]
Yes, sex is all in the mind.
At one point I thought about ending this with him thinking "I love my daughter, and am going to bring her a Bomb Pop home every night", but I thought it might scar some of you for life. I would have not had the kiss in there. Some others would have wanted the kiss left in. They are now re-reading it with the different ending. Sick puppies.
===

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/532399/original_cast_what_am_i_supposed_to_do.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/532399/original_cast_what_am_i_supposed_to_do/">ORIGINAL CAST - What Am I Supposed To Do?</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>The top video clips of the week are here</a></font></html>
!Original Cast - What Am I Supposed To Do?
For more info on ORIGINAL CAST please visit www.originalcast.co.uk

I found a new word that I like: Outercourse.
This word means sex with out penetration (or at least that is what I got out of it).
This works fine for me as it gives me a way to describe non-penetration sex.

(Why I found this word is explained in [[Is it Sex?]])

<<tiddler SiteTitle>> runs on TiddlyWiki <<version>> -- [[TiddlyWiki|http://tiddlywiki.com]] was created by Jeremy Ruston as free open source software

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[>img[images/hottub-June14-2006-sm.jpg]]One day, after spending many long hard hours doing research on the latest trends in porn, several of us were sitting naked in the hot tub getting to know this really nice little 15-year-old mixed pedigreed Scotch-Irish mix (How do we know that she was a 15-year-old Scotch-Irish mix? Simple: Pan had bought these 2 seven-year-olds from this sleazy little Asian lady who ran a live sex site from Thailand. After about 2 months, when the ship containing them finally landed in New Orleans, Pan had to go down and sign for them to make them legally his, so he has documentation of when he first got his hands on them. (The guy he was picking them up from told Pan that he had really had to work hard to keep the crew from getting their hands on those sweet young things. Can you just picture what a crew of nasty sailors on a two-month sea voyage would do to a couple of seven-year-olds?) When he decided to move from Atlanta about 2 years later he didn't have room to house both of them, but since he really wanted to keep both of them he came up with an ingenious plan. He poured half of one bottle, the Scotch, into an empty Super Big Gulp cup, and then filled the remaining area of the first bottle with the contents of second bottle, the Irish whiskey. And rather then throw away the remaining contents in the second bottle he poured it into the Super Big Gulp cup to keep the rest company. Then he got into the moving truck, placed the Super Big Gulp cup between his thighs so he would have something to drink and set off on to the road. Don't worry folks; it was OK, as he was not driving. Pan has been living here for 6 years now, plus the 2 years in Atlanta added to fact that they were 7 years old when he got them makes her now a mixed pedigreed Scotch-Irish 15-years old. See? Very simple.) who was going down so smooth and easy it was kind of scary...

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Pan tells me that he really admires my penis. He had noticed how the ladies stare at the bulge it makes in whatever I wear. At first I was a little shocked. I mean here was my buddy, whom I thought had never had a gay thought in his head, checking out my penis. Of course at the same time, like most males, it is a source of pride for me, and having someone admire it was stroking my ego. Then I realized what the whole issue was really about; Pan's penis is never out in the open except when he is using it. He was actually in awe of the fact that he could see my penis all the time. Me having it just hanging out there all the time was just screaming to him that I was a sexual creature on the prowl. He was green with envy (no pun intended).

[>img[pic of Pan the Frog|http://almostporn.net/images/pan-med.png]] So as we sipped on our drinks we came up with a plan to help him with his little problem (no pun intended). First we had to prevent his penis from popping back in to his body. After a bit of thought we came up with using a cock ring. And since we thought that might not add enough girth to prevent it from going back in we were also going to also add a stainless steel washer. To get the washer around the testicles and penis I planned on taking 2 washers and cutting them in half a little off center. I would then overlap the 2 bigger halves so that they made a single circle, drill a hole on each side, put a rivet through one of them so that it would now swing opened and shut. To keep it shut I would use a nut and bolt on the other hole (Some how that sounds dirty).

I went to our shop room, got out a sheet of stainless steel and cut out 2 washers, did all the steps I listed above to them and have to say that it looked pretty good for something done by a guy three sheets to the wind. Now we hit our first snag; what to use for a cock ring. I don't seem to have any spare ones just lying around, and asking the neighbors if I could borrow one of theirs might be seen as being rude, not to mention nosy. After some thought and a couple more sips Pan spotted just the thing: Cable ties! I had a big bag of bright orange ones I normally use to keep annoying people tied up until the police show up just laying around. Sure, we would have to cut it off later, but then this was just the demo to prove that our idea worked. Heck, with us not having rounded the edges on the washer or even removed the couple of steel curls sticking up, cutting the cable tie off might just be the least of Pan's worries.

Brenda volunteered to put the washer on him and get the tie snuggly in place so we were all set to get going. We laid Pan on the couch and everything went smoothly. In no time Pan was kicking back on the couch, proudly looking down at his penis and enjoying the fact that Brenda was staring at it as well. We kicked back for a while then it all went to hell. Pan got up to answer nature's call.

Now, have you ever noticed how a frog gets from point A to point B? They jump. Pan leaped off the couch, just like a million times before, and everything was going just fine. Then he landed. Now, a frog lands on his front legs first, they bend and give him a little shock absorber action. That part went just fine. Then the back half hit. Oh! The noise that frog made when his testicles slammed onto the floor.

We decided that nature made frogs the way they are for a reason.

[>img[pic of Pan_theFrog|images/pan-med.png]] Pan is a frog. Women love him for his tounge and great legs. Men like to hang around with him.

Check out the [[Pan's Penis]] story for a little more insight on him.

If you are female and wish to be in one of our videos or photoshoots, please contact Pan at <<email pan_thefrog at almostporn dot net>>.


+++[Click to see everything submitted by Pan_theFrog]
<<forEachTiddler 
 where 
 'tiddler.modifier.contains("Pan_theFrog")'
 sortBy 
 '(tiddler.title.toLowerCase())'
 write
 '((index == 0) ? "" : ", ")+"[["+tiddler.title+"]]"'
>>
===

/***
!Parody of ''Riders on the Storm'' by ''The Doors''
***/
//{{{
Panties on the floor
Panties on the floor
Off her hips they were torn
On to the floor they’re thrown
She was begging on the phone
For a ride on my bone
Panties on the floor

There’s her panties on the floor
And she’s coming once more
All day we’re gonna play
Please her in every way
Can’t wait to get inside
This woman is quite a ride
Panties on the floor, yeah

Girl ya gotta blow your man
Girl ya gotta blow your man
Your hair is in his hand
Hear his gasped demand
In your mouth he’ll spend
as you suck him till the end
Girl ya gotta blow your man

Wow!

Panties on the floor
Panties on the floor
Off her hips they were torn
On the floor they were thrown
She'd been begging on the phone
For a ride on my bone
Panties on the floor

Panties on the floor
Panties on the floor
Panties on the floor
Panties on the floor
Panties on the floor
//}}}

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/493252/one_of_the_best_lesbian_scenes_ever.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/493252/one_of_the_best_lesbian_scenes_ever/">One Of The Best Lesbian Scenes Ever!!!! </a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>Click here for more free videos</a></font></html>
!Part 1 Of The Best Lesbian Scene Ever
Part 1. That means this is the foreplay to the lesbian stuff. 
Wait, you are a guy. Go here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foreplay to learn what foreplay is.

[>img[images/hottub-June14-2006-sm.jpg]]Went to a party last night. It is so nice have folks around that don't freak over skin. Once the hottub opened I don't think it was ever empty. Now if I could have just gotten to be taken home by someone...

Spent part of the day working on my idea for a portable bondage kit. Will let me turn any nornal bed in to a way to restrain someone in a spread eagle. Hopefully I will have it ready before the end of the week as I know just the folks to test it out.

PasswordOptionPlugin extends the core Options with a non encrypted password type.

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*How a style can be specified for a specific option in StyleSheet

----
Test Password: <<option pasPassword myPasOptionInput >>

[img[images/JodieMarshJustMyLuckPremier3.jpg]] [img[images/JodieMarshJustMyLuckPremier1.jpg]]
This is the perfect shirt to wear on a hot day.
And on those days it is cold you can cover up with this [[sweater|Perfect size sweater]]
Now I just need the perfect size skirt. The rest of the world calls it a belt.

[img[images/Zeina.jpg]]
More women need to wear this style of sweater.
And then on days when it is hot they can wear [[this|Perfect size shirt]].
Now I just need the perfect size skirt. The rest of the world calls it a belt.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/575051/photographer.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/575051/photographer/">Photographer</a></font></html>
!Photographer
Sometimes you need to notice what is going on around you.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/400249/photoshop_x_ray_trick_see_through_clothes.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/400249/photoshop_x_ray_trick_see_through_clothes/">Photoshop X-ray Trick - See Through Clothes - video powered by Metacafe</a></font></html>

I think I might find some uses for this.
Especially if I combine it with [[this.|How to Photoshop Your Ex's Head On To A Sexy Body]]

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/index.html#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/616177/pick_up_lines.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/616177/pick_up_lines/">Pick Up Lines</a> - <a href='http://www.metacafe.com/'>More amazing videos are a click away</a></font></html>
!Pick Up Lines
I told you he likes brunettes.
Performance beats style any day of the week.

They might be mine, they might belong to others.
If I like them I post 'em.

Also check out [[Videos]]

<html>
<h1>Air Force Sgt. Michelle Manhart</h1>
<a target="_blank" href="http://www.slide.com/s/hVMXEWCv6z9ySK3lBZl7Zijy3Vf9UjYi?referrer=hlnk"><img src="http://widget.slide.com/rdr/1/1/1/W/5000000008691c0/1/0/G28cuNBp6T88Iv9SGcPAw3M8_OIrqdkL.jpg" border="0" alt="Air Force Sgt. Michelle Manhart" title="Air Force Sgt. Michelle Manhart" /></a><br />
<h1>alektrablue</h1>  
<a target="_blank" href="http://www.myspace.com/alektrablue "><img src="http://img226.imageshack.us/img226/2789/img0421smallyg9.jpg" border="0" alt="alektrablue" title="alektrablue" /></a></html>

The following is a history of my sex life in chronological order:
#[img[images/1handedporn.gif]] We got the new Playboy in I see
#[img[images/teensex.gif]] Back in the days when any place would do
#[img[images/missionary.gif]] Her parents left for the weekend
#[img[images/bj-stick.gif]] Oh yeah, do that thing you do with your tongue
#[img[images/licker.gif]] How do you get rid of unwanted pubic hair? Shave it
#[img[images/doggy-porn.gif]] Grab a handful of hair and ride it all night
And here is one more I thought you might get a kick out of seeing. Kind of like those pictures of Britney Spears without her panties. [[click to see|images/skirtpeek.gif]]<<imagebox "I said kind of">>

More available [[here|http://www.petting-zoo.org/Hardcore.html]]

<html><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/9eDJ3cuXKV4"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/9eDJ3cuXKV4" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></html>
!Pink - Dear Mr President - Live
Wonder if Bush has ever heard it, or is this more stuff that he can't handle.

!STUN GUN (Only a guy would do this!)
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries right?!!

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best... I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master", reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and ''HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!''

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three-second burst would be considered conservative.

''SON OF A B...'' that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return. Still in shock.

P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

"If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid".

Regards, Jim

A wealthy old lady decides to spend the summer by going on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful, elderly poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.

One day the old poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says...

"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

!Moral of this story
Don't mess with old farts... age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

<html><object classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" codebase="http://fpdownload.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=7,0,0,0" width="400" height="345" align="middle"><param name="movie" value="http://www.videojug.com/film/player?id=64bf3ee9-e97a-0c51-1b8f-ff0008c92d62" /><embed src="http://www.videojug.com/film/player?id=64bf3ee9-e97a-0c51-1b8f-ff0008c92d62" quality="high" width="400" height="345" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object><br /><a href="http://www.videojug.com">VideoJug</a>: <a href="http://www.videojug.com/film/pole-dancing-for-beginners-the-wrap-around-move">Pole Dancing For Beginners: The Wrap-Around Move</a></html>
!Pole Dancing For Beginners: The Wrap Around Move
Elaine Gosling from [[Poleminx|www.poleminx.co.uk/]] shows us how to do pole dance and perfect the wrap-around move. This move is suitable for those new to pole dancing.
!!Step 1: You will need
* A free-standing pole
* Comfortable clothes with bare arms and legs
* A pair of sexy high heels or trainers

!!Step 2: Fit the pole
* Before you begin pole dancing make sure your pole is securely fitted according to the manufacturer's instructions.
* Give yourself lots of space and ensure that there is nothing obstructing your movement.

!!Step 3: Don't use lotions
* Never pole dance wearing oils or lotions as these make the pole slippery and hazardous.
* You may need to wipe down the pole too before you start to remove any grease and give you maximum grip.

!!Step 4: Stretch 
* Always warm up and cool down properly when you are pole dancing; and check that you are fit and healthy enough to start this physically demanding exercise.

!!Step 5: Grab the pole
* Start at the back of the pole, with your inside foot close to the base. Use your strong hand (this will be your right hand if you are right handed, or your left if you are left handed) to grab the pole at about head height. Allow your arm to straighten, so your weight is hanging away from the pole.

!!Step 6: Step around
* Keeping your outside leg straight, swing it out to the side and step all the way around the pole, pivoting on your inside foot at the same time. Allow your knee to bend slightly as you turn.

!!Step 7: Hook with your leg
* Place your outside foot down just behind the other foot. Transfer your weight to the back foot and hook your inside leg around the front of the pole, getting a good grip right behind the knee.

!!Step 8: Arch your body
* To finish off, arch your body backwards, lowering your hand to allow for a deeper arch.

!!Step 9: Straighten up
* Straighten back up and swing your leg down from the pole, ready to step into the next move.

Recently someone described thier poly relationship, and then asked if they were folowing normal poly practices.
!!Here is my answer:
D&P,
I think that if you ask 5 polys how to be poly you will get a dozen answers as each will tell you how they do it (Or will just as soon as they find that hot bi babe), and then they have a friend... I think there are as many ways to be Poly as there are to be Christian. Someday we might be able to group different Poly styles much like we currently do Christians (So your Baptist? No, Southern Baptist, but my husband is Born Again), but first we have to establish some guide lines as to what ''IS'' the basis of each type of Poly and how is X type different from Z type? Till then I think we are all just guessing and experimenting... but damn, it's fun.

Also, I feel that as long as everyone involved is happy and aware of the entire situation, I don't think that it matters one bit how others feel about your situation. And like Treesong said, I can't judge your relationship based off of you telling me about it any more then I can accurately picture your house based off you saying "My house is blue with white shutters". There are just to many small things that are very important that will get overlooked.

Now, having stated that...

I am currently in an open V (MFM) with 2 members having been together almost 10 years, always an open relationship, and the third has been in the relationship about 18 months. We all have people we see outside of our V, some couples, some singles. Some we see individually, some we see as a group. We are happy and healthy. Each member has to give permission before we are allowed to have (safe) sex with someone for the first time, and any member can ask another to stop seeing someone, but must give a reason.

Hopefully that answers some of your questions,
Pan_theFrog

Romantic open poly MFM V seeks another female to add to the mix. She is alpha in almost all regards, the two males are not. Think you could get along with the three of them?  
We prefer friendship before progression to the next stage (Meaning we are not likely to say "Nice boots. Wanna fuck?"). 
Cleaning fetish a plus (Adds a whole new meaning to "I love it when your dirty")

For a little more info on our relationship read [[Poly Practices]]

If interested contact: <<email panthefrog at almostporn dot net>>

[>img[images/Polyamory.png]]

<html><table>
<tr><td><img src="90.jpg"><br />
''V or 90'' = 1 person with 2 lovers
</td><td><img src="Triad.jpg"><br />
''Triad'' = 3 lovers all sharing each other
</td><td><img src="Spokes.jpg"><br />
''# Spokes'' = 1 person with many lovers (replace # with number of lovers)
</td><td><img src="Table.jpg"><br />
''290 or Table'' = 2 people who count each other as lovers & who each have an additional lover 
</td></tr>
<tr><td><img src="Square.jpg"><br />
''490 or Square'' = 4 people who share lovers. Typically 4 straight people.
</td><td><img src="SlashBox.jpg">
''Slash box'' = 4 people in a relationship with 2 of them counting all 3 of the others as lovers. Typically 2 bi and 2 straight.
</td><td><img src="XBox.jpg"><br />
''XBox'' = 4 people all counting each other as lovers. 4 bi or 4 gay.
</td><td></td></tr></table></html>

Of course this is just some of the simple relationships. I can't even begin to draw a picture where there is a V with each of the people having other lovers, some of whom are involved with more then one person on the V. Maybe if I get into 3d modeling...

----
Poly: Short for polyamorous.

Polyamory: The non-possessive, honest, responsible ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously. Based on the conscious choice of how many partners one wishes to be involved with, rather than accepting social norms that dictate monogamy as the only acceptable form of love.

Non-Monogamy: In general, this is simply another way of saying "polyamorous". It is sometimes felt to have a slightly different meaning, since the word "amour", meaning "love", is not present in the root word. This is sometimes felt to mean that the person using this term may have more casual relationships.

Dyad: A relationship consisting of two primary partners.

Triad: The most basic and common form of multipartner relationship, consisting of three adult primary partners.

Primary Relationship: A committed, long term, live in relationship which may or may not include marriage and/or shared economy.

Secondary Relationship: An intimate relationship in which the partners usually do not live together, and do not consider their relationship a first priority.

Tertiary Relationship: A friendly but casual sexual relationship of an occasional or temporary nature.

Group Marriage: a marriage in which three or more adult partners are married to each other. A group marriage may be open, closed or inclusive.

Polyfidelity: A group - of any size - in which all partners are primary to all other partners and sexual fidelity is to the group. More primary partners can be added only with the entire group's consent.

Polygyny: (poly=many; gyno=woman) Polygamy in which one man has two or more wives at the same time.

Polyandry: (poly=many; andro=man) Polygamy in which one woman has two or more husbands at the same time.

Swinging: Recreational sex for couples. An arrangement in which two primary partners agree to have casual sex with other couples or singles, under certain circumstances and with certain agreements, as long as there is no serious emotional involvement.
(Borrowed from [[Mistress Matisse]])

Polyamory Weekly
!!Tales from the front of responsible non-monogamy from a pansexual, kink-friendly point of view.[>img[images/members/Minx-sm.jpg]]
...because it's not all about the sex.
[img[http://homedir-b.libsyn.com/podcasts/polyweekly/images/PW_Banner_not.jpg]]
Podcast by [[Cunning Minx]]: 
''Show Notes:'' http://polyweekly.livejournal.com/
''MP3s:'' http://polyweekly.libsyn.org/  (also available on [[iTunes|http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=74071760]])
''Eros-Zine Interview:'' http://www.eros-zine.com/articles/2006-03-07/cunningminx/

She is also the inventor of the term ''Boobysexual''.

Polyamory (Multiple Loves) is to Polygyny (one man having more than one wife), or Polyandry (one woman having more than one husband) as 'Flower is to Rose'. Both are limited forms of Polyamory. The folks in HBO's ''Big Love'' are practicing Polygyny. They would never consent to letting the women have additional lovers. Not even their sister-wives.

Polyamory doesn't limit one person to just one person having multiple lovers/spouses. Each person in a Polyamorous relationship is allowed to have as many lovers/spouses as they can handle. There is even an interesting term for when someone tries to take on too many lovers/spouses at one time; [[PolySaturation|http://www.smoocherie.com/polysaturation.htm]].

Polyamory is not swinging. IMHO, swinging seem to be more about sex, whereas polyamory is more centered on relationships. Not that you can not have people who are both Polyamorous & Swingers. An example would be a Poly person, couple or group who occasionally add the hottie they met at the bar to the mix. The hottie might only be in their life for a day or so, hence no one would think it was a 'relationship'. It is just sex, not that there is anything wrong with that as long as everyone is aware and happy with the situation.

I guess this is a good point to try and say that you can be polyamorous ''AND'' be a single person or couple. Polyamory is a description of a lifestyle or relational choice and philosophy, rather than a person's actual relationship status at a given moment.

[[Kiltman]] had just started at his new job, working at a porno shop when his boss came out to tell him that he has to leave for a while, and ask "Can you handle it?" Kiltman was somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees.

So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a hot MILF Soccer Mom comes in. She asks, "How much for the white dildo?" He answers, "$35." She: "How much for the black one?" He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one." She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before." She pays him, and off she goes.

A little bit later a sexy dark skinned woman comes in and asks "How much for the black dildo?" He: "$35." She: "How much for the white one?" He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one." She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one before..." She pays him, and off she goes.

About an hour later a young blond woman comes in and asks, "How much are your dildos?" He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black." She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?" He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165." She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never had a plaid one before...." She pays him, and off she goes.

Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?" To which the saleman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"

Please do your best during this week to make sure everyone around you knows where to get the best Pornography.
<<reminder month:10 day:31 offsetdayofweek:-0 title:"Be sure to point out the good porn to others during this week" >>

I was asked about what would be my dream job and after a little pondering on it I decided upon the field observations of kinesiology, particularly the biaxial rotation and soft tissue motion during locomotion. I would most likely specialize in the observation of the female Homo sapien sapien. 

I am currently seeking a college that will finance me in my chosen field of study.

*Kinesiology - The scientific study of human movement.
*Biaxial rotation - Rotation on two axes. ~Up-Down, Back & Forth, etc.
*Locomotion - In biology, locomotion is the self-powered, patterned motion of limbs or other anatomical parts by which an individual customarily moves itself from place to place. Also a 1960s hit song, originally performed by Little Eva, and it's accompanying dance.

 There’s no doubt that the breasts are a powerful erogenous zone, and their stimulation can go a long way in helping to bring a woman to orgasm. 

The question is, how can we best pleasure a partner while we’re enjoying the immense turn-on of fondling her boobs? 

In order to get the female perspective on this, I conducted an impromptu poll of 29 well-endowed women to find out what they liked best. Here are the results: 
!!!Preferred Method of Breast Stimulation 
#Rubbing aureole (but not nipple) 24% 
#Massaging the whole breast 21% 
#Licking and sucking the nipple 17% 
#Rubbing nipple 14% 
#Pulling or pinching the nipple gently 10% 
#Pulling or pinching the nipple hard 7% 
#All of the above and more 7%
----
Not sure where I got it from but it made sense to me.

OK boys, consider this your homework. Start at #1 and work your way down. Make mental notes as to which she like the most. Better yet ask her for vocal feedback.

<html><embed flashVars="altServerURL=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.metacafe.com&playerVars=blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http%3A%2F%2Falmostporn.net"  src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/888214/paris_extreme_flexibility.swf" width="400" height="345" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"> </embed><br /><font size="1"><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/888214/paris_extreme_flexibility/">Paris - Extreme Flexibility</a> </font></html>
!Pretty Paris - Extreme flexibility
Watch as pretty Paris puts her flexible body through the paces. I understand that you can hire her for an evenings entertainment.

<html><div><embed src="http://www.livevideo.com/flvplayer/embed/49CA97A985384FE78B4884CE8AAEA0EE&thumb=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" quality="high" WIDTH="445" HEIGHT="369" wmode="transparent"></embed><br/><a href="http://www.livevideo.com/video/embedLink/49CA97A985384FE78B4884CE8AAEA0EE/412198/paris-amazing-perfect-flexib.aspx">Paris - Amazing Perfect Flexibility Sexy Contortio</a></div></html>

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This is the way to gain a lot of friends quickly.

Currently we are working on creating some great products for you to buy. This is where you can find out about some of the things that are still in Beta Testing until we get done testing them on some naughty little animals (Send e-mail to Pan at almostporn (dot) net to volunteer to be a naughty animal test subject):

I know that I do not live in a world like the one you live in. One of the ways I know this is that on a semi regular basis I get stuck with trying to figure out what pronoun to use for some of the people on the fringe of my social circle.

When someone I know shows up with a new lover or friend who might be a feminine male or a masculine female whose name is androgynous (Pat, Chris, Sandy, Terry, or Bob [In my world Bob is an andi name]), or I didn't catch it, I don't know how to refer to them.

The biggest hassle about this is that I have a bad habit of never remembering peoples names. What happens is I say something like "So where did you meet..." pause as my brain start whirling and trying out options 'him? her? name...what is their name? Umm? Umm? Umm? Quick! Make something up!' "...for the first time?". It means I spend the whole conversation being distracted by having to re-think every thing I say. I think this leads to folks thinking that I am uncomfortable with the situation, where as all I am really trying to do is not be rude.

And I know I am not the only one as there have been times at conventions/parties where the topic of conversation is "So is <insert name>'s friend male or female?" and none of us know. There is actually one person who I have had people tell me is male and then had someone else tell me is female.

Please, be kind and make sure that folks like me get clued in at some point.

<html><embed flashVars="playerVars=showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/378268/just_for_laughs_prostitute_prank.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/378268/just_for_laughs_prostitute_prank/">Just For Laughs - Prostitute Prank - video powered by Metacafe</a></font></html>

Now you know what to say if you get in a situation involving a pretty lady, some cash, and a cop. Of course if you are actually doing the deed when the cop comes up to the car, you will have to explain that she is ''"rewarding you"'' for returning her money to her. "That's right officer, I'm not a John. I'm a hero." I am sure he will buy it and let you go free.

Meanwhile some officers have seen this and will now be thinking this might just be the way to get their number of arrest up.

On Feb 8, I started using Quantcast.com to track my websites hits. They do it by having you place a little bit of code in your site that downloads a 1pixel gif each time you page gets visited. Seems like a great way to make an accurate count. They then compare you to all the other sites they have stats on, plus where they think a lot of other site place, and tell you where you rank by the number of US visitors you get. They are trying to be a better version of Alexa.com (Which says I rank 290,423 in the world)

This seems nice and easy, but recently I tried to compare myself with another site. I was ranked around 257,600. The other site (pimpnflyguy.com) was ranked 257,380. His was the next higher one I could find that they were collecting stats on. I am getting 5,000+ unique hits a month from US visitors. Pimpnflyguy is getting 17 per month. He's been getting about that many since Jan 20 at least. I watched over the next couple of days and saw that while I moved around in the stats, he never did.

On Sat, Feb 24, I went to Quantcast.com's blog (http://quantcast.typepad.com/quantcast/2006/12/compare_site_tr.html) and mentioned what I had noticed. A couple of hours later They sent me back an e-mail that says:
>[my name], thanks for the comment on our blog.  You've unearthed an issue we'll need to look into.  I'm going to delete the comment from the blog, but we appreciate the feedback.
> 
>Jim Kelly
>VP Engineering
>Quantcast

Currently, I am ranked 263,200+. Pimpnflyguy is still at 257,380, but they stopped posting hits for him. Well, either that or he has had no hits for the last couple of days. It is hard to tell the difference between none and null.

Does this sound a little broken to you? 

Read [[part 2|Quantcast.com is not right pt.2]]

This is a copy of a post I made on the Quantcast.com blog (http://quantcast.typepad.com/quantcast/2006/12/compare_site_tr.html) on March 1, 2007. I am posting it here as they deleted my last post (Which i don't have a copy of), and I'd like to keep a record of what I've posted to them.

>How are you all getting along at doing something about the sites getting very few hits, but still getting decent rankings, like betterworld.net (rank 258,369 w/ under 25 hits a day), pimpnflyguy.com  (rank 257,382 w/ under 4 hits a days since Jan 23)  archimedes-lab.org  (rank 156,874 which has had 1 hit since Jan 24)? 
>
>I am asking as I see that my ranking changes daily, but these folks just seem to idle along at the rank they might have held in the past.

And so the saga continues... Today I am ranked 246,985 (With a guessimated 400+ hits a day), pimpnflyguy.com  (rank 242,599), betterworld.net  (rank 264,462), archimedes-lab.org  (rank 138,976). 

Now why is this notable? Because when this saga started on Feb 24, 2007 pimpnflyguy.co was ranked 257,380, which was about 300 ranks ahead of me (He was the next highest quantified user I could find). Now here it is a week later, and while I have moved up 10.5k ranks, pimpnflyguy has moved up even more then that, but still has no more then 4 hits a day since Jan 23, 2007. 

archimedes-lab.org has moved up 18k ranks, and still shows 1 hit since Jan 23, 2007 (And I think that was me).  betterworld.net has dropped 6k ranks, but is getting more hits per day then either pimpnflyguy or archimedes-lab. 
Is there any logic in what they are using for stats?

So it continues....
My logs show that I had 17,691 unique visitors in Feb. But today Quantcast.com has me ranked at 246,823. pimpnflyguy.com is at 242,598, betterworld.net is 264,460, archimedes-lab.org is 138,983.

Quantcast shows me getting an estimated 5,050 unique US visitors a month (With about 400 US visitors a day), http://quantcast.com/pimpnflyguy.com shows 5,147 US visitors (With no more then 4 visitors a day), http://quantcast.com/betterworld.net shows 4,677 US visitors (No more then 25 visits a day), http://quantcast.com/archimedes-lab.org has 10,080 US visitors (even though they have had only 1 visitor since Jan 24 and stats for them end on Jan 29).

<html><embed flashVars="playerVars=videoTitle=Quick Horror Movie|showStats=no|autoPlay=yes|blogName=AlmostPorn.net|blogURL=http://almostporn.net/#SiteMap" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/372698/quick_horror_movie.swf" width="498" height="420" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/372698/quick_horror_movie/">Quick Horror Movie - video powered by Metacafe</a></font></html>

I am thinking that this is another good example why people should not be allowed fully automatic weapons. A 12 gage is just the thing for stopping a bad guy:
#just by the sound of chambering a shell
#by hitting a nice wide area which has enough power to kill but shouldn't take out the next door neighbors kid while he is in his bedroom (The average person shoots like a Star Wars Stormtrooper)
#the sound of a shotgun going off should scare the hell out of most people causing them to run like hell. It also does a good job of waking up the neighborhood.

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|Name:|QuickOpenTagPlugin|
|Description:|Changes tag links to make it easier to open tags as tiddlers|
|Version:|3.0.1 ($Rev: 3861 $)|
|Date:|$Date: 2008-03-08 10:53:09 +1000 (Sat, 08 Mar 2008) $|
|Source:|http://mptw.tiddlyspot.com/#QuickOpenTagPlugin|
|Author:|Simon Baird <simon.baird@gmail.com>|
|License:|http://mptw.tiddlyspot.com/#TheBSDLicense|
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